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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Kids and alcohol

76 replies

englishroseinwales · 11/02/2011 21:39

Hubby and I were sitting eating dinner tonight with our twelve year old son. As always on a Friday evening we had opened a bottle of wine, my husband then stunned me by suggesting that we let our son have a small glass of wine with us!! To say I was angry was an understatement, he then said he should have suggested wine mixed with water and that most kids in France/Italy at around twelve years of age do this. Luckily my son did not want any wine, please tell me my hubby's is wrong.

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 11/02/2011 21:40

er,no,he's not wrong

tomhardyismydh · 11/02/2011 21:41

I dont think he is wrong sorry, as an occassion or even if offered every friday it wouldnt bother me. unless there was only one bottle then I wouldnt want to share.

Thingumy · 11/02/2011 21:41

I prefer to dose mine with gin...

12 you say? I can recall a unpleasant experience with pernod at the age of 13 in a local park.

Yabu.

mummyshreddingnora · 11/02/2011 21:42

I think its perfectly reasonable of him - a good way to get kids used to being around alchohol without it becomming this big temptation

we had it as kids, and 'shandy' too occasionally - which started out as the weakest thing ever and slowly grew in strength as we got older - I never went out binge drinking or sneaking around for it... shrug Hmm

FreudianSlippery · 11/02/2011 21:43

Your DH is actually being very sensible indeed and I hope your attitude didn't show too much to your DS.

It's a pretty well known fact that making something forbidden makes it more attractive.

I think it's sensible to let kids try (it's only illegal under age 5) they'll probably hate the taste anyway!

BluddyMoFo · 11/02/2011 21:43

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TheDevilAndTheDeepBlueSea · 11/02/2011 21:43

I give dd a small glass of wine with lemonade every couple of months as a treat with dinner. I think it's perfectly reasonable.

KittaKatta · 11/02/2011 21:44
Wine

sorry had to. . .

TheDevilAndTheDeepBlueSea · 11/02/2011 21:44

She's 13, btw.

DrSpechemin · 11/02/2011 21:44

Your husband is not wrong imo.

Sirzy · 11/02/2011 21:44

I would rather a 12 year old drinks occasionally at home and grows up to understand sensible drinking than want to go off into a park and experiment with friends.

I was allowed to have a sip of whatever my parents were having from a young age, by the time I was about 10 on special occasions I was allowed wine with (lots of) lemondade.

I never wanted to go out and get pissed as I wasn't curious about drinking.

pagwatch · 11/02/2011 21:46

No. Ds1 has been offered a small amount of wine and water since he was quite young. It was offered in appropriate social situations such as during dinner.
He has a hugely sensible attitude now at age 17, 18 this year. He drinks less than most of his friends who were banned alcohol and he sees it as an add on to a social event rather than a means to get pissed.

Your dh is right.

AMumInScotland · 11/02/2011 21:46

Lots of families allow their children to have a small glass of wine with a meal by this sort of age. It's a way of teaching children that alcohol is not taboo, but is best in small amounts and "socially" rather than for tipping down your neck quickly till you fall over.

TBH I'm slightly surprised you've had a child together all this time without knowing what each others views were on children and alcohol, I'd have thought it would have come up in conversation at some stage?

saffy85 · 11/02/2011 21:47

He was talking about one glass of wine, right? If so what's the big deal? Your DS wont get pissed as a fart, especially if mixed with water, and imo there is no harm in introducing the idea of enjoying alcohol in moderation.

My mum has been a recovering alcoholic for 20 years. I am hugely proud of her achievement but this has meant I grew up in a totally dry house and she was very over protective of me and my sister wrt to alcohol. I do wonder if this is connected to the amount we but especially I have been known to binge on in the past- I never learnt moderation so when I discovered it all at 17 I went a bit bonkers. Not to mention the drink related trouble I got into when I was younger Blush

In short I think YABU but it's different strokes for different folks.

maryz · 11/02/2011 21:48

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AgentZigzag · 11/02/2011 21:49

It doens't take much to stun you.

Has it never crossed your mind that your DS will be wondering what alcohol's all about?

GypsyMoth · 11/02/2011 21:49

thats what i thought mary.......op has the teen years next to contend with too!!

might want to loosen up a little op?

shirazgirl · 11/02/2011 21:51

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iwastooearlytobeayummymummy · 11/02/2011 21:51

IMO it's slippery slope, because before you know it you have to share your wine!

Seriously though, it is much better that he has small glass of wine very occasionlly now, and understnds the effect alcohol has on his body at home,rather than getting bladdered with mates in the park in 2 or 3 years time, when 'experimenting' for the first time.

GypsyMoth · 11/02/2011 21:52

i was allowed a 'snowball' at xmas Grin

CoffeeDodger · 11/02/2011 21:53

This reply has been deleted

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maryz · 11/02/2011 21:53

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iwastooearlytobeayummymummy · 11/02/2011 21:55

My older childrens' view on alcohol is very similar to Pagwatch's too, as the mystery of alcohol didn't really appeal to them, as they were permitted a glass of wine ocassionally at home too, froma bout 12 or 13 onwards

exexpat · 11/02/2011 21:56

YABU. I think your husband has the right idea. And it is perfectly legal to give children alcohol in your own home at that age - much better for them to try out a decent glass of Wine with you there, so it comes with boringly grown-up parental associations, rather than sneaking alcopops or cider in the park.

StuckinTheMiddlewithYou · 11/02/2011 21:56

This is SITMWY's DP.

I think all arguments aside, here there is a question you need to ask yourself.

Would you prefere your child to first experience alchol in you home, with a meal where they are under your supervision and in a controled environment OR would you prefere them to have their fist drinks on a street coner or in a park?

Just my tuppence worth...