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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Kids and alcohol

76 replies

englishroseinwales · 11/02/2011 21:39

Hubby and I were sitting eating dinner tonight with our twelve year old son. As always on a Friday evening we had opened a bottle of wine, my husband then stunned me by suggesting that we let our son have a small glass of wine with us!! To say I was angry was an understatement, he then said he should have suggested wine mixed with water and that most kids in France/Italy at around twelve years of age do this. Luckily my son did not want any wine, please tell me my hubby's is wrong.

OP posts:

tomhardyismydh · 11/02/2011 21:57

maryz can you come round mine with some wine, gin, baylies, and vodka for same class in alcohol, some time over half term. I need to some drinking classes too, (grin)

tomhardyismydh · 11/02/2011 21:57

doh

exexpat · 11/02/2011 21:58

DS was given a glass of champagne on his 12th birthday but didn't like it (all the more for me...) but I seem to remember celebrating my 12th birthday by ordering a bottle of Theakston's Old Peculier in the restaurant where we had gone for lunch. They were rather more relaxed about licensing laws then, and the restaurant staff seemed to think it was quite brave of me. I haven't turned into an alcoholic...

maryz · 11/02/2011 22:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

englishroseinwales · 11/02/2011 22:03

OK, ok, I get the point. He is my first child so this is a learning curve for me. I will take all your comments and advice on board and apologise to hubby.

OP posts:

Willabywallaby · 11/02/2011 22:05

I'm with you OP I would be appalled at my DH introducing my DS to wine at 12, 14 to 15 would be more reasonable IMO. Maybe if he was asking at 12 and curiosity was tingling It would be different.

Ooopsadaisy · 11/02/2011 22:07

YABU.

I think you're going to find the teenage years a bit tough OP. Most of them are lashed up by teatime on a Friday.

tomhardyismydh · 11/02/2011 22:11

I think you are quite right maryz, although my mum was ok with letting us have a wine or shandy and I still drank to vomiting, passing out at your dds age. It is very scary for a parent, i think the difference was my mum was a bit clueless to what I may be expossed to and so was not able to provide the education for me that you can with dd.

mind you the difference is I witnessed my mum blind drunk on many an occassion, my dd sees me drink at appropriate times and also just drinking at home but has never seen me drunk. I think that is important to show your kids what is acceptable ways to drink and behave.

maryz · 11/02/2011 22:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TrillianAstra · 11/02/2011 22:19

Well done OP.

If you don't want him to like it, suggest he has some neat (no lemonade) - he will think it is horrible and not want any more.

gobbledegoop · 11/02/2011 22:21

I am quite shocked at the amount of you that think it is ok for a 12 year old to drink! Up till i read this post, it had never occured to me to let my 12 yr old daughter have any alcohol....

GraceK · 11/02/2011 22:25

We were allowed a glass of wine mixed water with Sunday lunch from about the age of twelve (& allowed to try mouthfuls before that). Plus a cider mixed with orange juice. I even got properly pissed at 15/16 one of my parents' Christmas parties (under their supervision, not sneaking it). I remember sliding down a wall giggling uncontrollably at my Granny's indignation that I was pissed. My mum said "Well now she knows how much she can drink & hopefully won't get into trouble now."

She was right - I'm now in my late 30's and even at uni didn't ever get so pissed I didn't remember the events of an evening. I also still prefer my wine diluted with water so I'm cheap to take out & can make a glass of wine (so 2 glasses for me) last a whole evening. Plus diluting it means less of a hangover due to lack of dehydration.

If a parent drinks regularly then it makes sense to allow your children to investigate why you bother in the safety of your own home. Far better than the park or bus shelter. Your son will soon be a teenager & they are obsessed by forbidden fruit so teaching him to enjoy / savour his booze rather than drinking to get pissed can only make all your lives easier in the long run.

As the adverts say 'Enjoy responsibly' - surely under parental supervision is about as responsible as you can be?

exexpat · 11/02/2011 22:28

gobbledegoop - I don't think anyone is suggesting 12-year-olds should be given the key to the cocktail cabinet and a fridge full of beer and alcopops, just offered the occasional very small quantity of possibly diluted alcohol with a meal so they get used to the idea of drinking as being something you do in moderation, and in company. I think the 'forbidden fruit' theory of things becoming more appealing if you are strictly not allowed them has a lot of truth in it. If you ban alcohol, they are going to want to try it.

And maryz' comments about being able to recognise alcohol when you taste it are something I had never thought about but can see could be very important for teenagers before they start going to parties where all sorts of things can end up in their drinks.

Bogeyface · 11/02/2011 22:28

My son was allowed to drink at home if we were from that age. A small glass of wine or a small beer, both with lemonade in. He decided, after trying it several times, that he doesnt like alcohol and now at the age of 20 he doesnt drink. He was the only sober person in the room at his 18th!

GypsyMoth · 11/02/2011 22:29

wel its not illegal gobbledegoop!!

gobbledegoop · 11/02/2011 22:31

I like a good drink, don't get me wrong but i can't help in thinking that encouraging children to drink is a bad thing??

My daughter has had the odd sip of wine but i wouldn't have ever thought to offer a glass at 12.

pagwatch · 11/02/2011 22:32

Well hold on to your astonishment gobble, dd is 8 and has had champagne and snowballs at christmas

pagwatch · 11/02/2011 22:34

I wouldn't offer a 12 year old a full wine glass at 12 either.
Ds 1 was offered a small glass drunk with water

Sirzy · 11/02/2011 22:35

Why is it a bad thing gobble? its not encouraging them to drink, its encouraging them to understand how to drink sensibly which I think is vital.

gobbledegoop · 11/02/2011 22:35

lol ok, well i stand corrected! Guess i am a bit behind with the times

Anyone's kids for a ?

gobbledegoop · 11/02/2011 22:37

I'm not saying it's bad necessarily, just that i was shocked that everyone seemed ok with it and that it hadn't even occured to me to offer it at that age...

tomhardyismydh · 11/02/2011 22:38

it is a matter of opinion gobbledegoop, you are not wrong as much as ops dh is not wrong. its a matter of parenting choices and if you wouldnt offer your dcs a drink at 12 it also does not mean they are going to abuse alcohol.

pagwatch · 11/02/2011 22:39

In fairness I am not sure it is a modern thing either (at the risk of sounding picky). As children, dh and I were both offered small amounts of wine when eating with parents. It is just what our families do.
Both of us are light drinkers compared to most people we know.

Bogeyface · 11/02/2011 22:39

Cant wait for the thread on PArenting

"When should I start to offer wine instead of a breastfeed with solids"

eden263 · 11/02/2011 22:40

YABU. My grandparents used to give me a glass of wine and lemonade with my dinner from a very young age (they made their own and had a glass with dinner most days) whenever I stayed with them because it would 'encourage' me to have an afternoon nap!!

I went through a phase of getting drunk at occasional parties in my mid teens, but I very very rarely drink now. I've offered my two sons alcohol at Christmas or on holidays etc, if I had any, but neither of them are that bothered. DS1 is now 18 and away at uni and even with peer pressure still only has one or two pints on a night out, and then only really to fit in.

It's no big deal, I'm afraid I also think your DH is right and encouraging responsibility in your DS rather than recklessness.

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