the lies that we tell our children to make life easier

[Asteria]

I convinced my DS that the red hazard button on the dashboard was for an ejector seat for naughty children - it was years before he found out it wasn't, but the poor chap nearly shat himself when we broke down and I reached over to press the button!!!

What other fibs have you told your children to make life just that little bit easier?

Most people I know tell their children that the tooth fairy stops taking orders after 5pm. Saves the 9pm panic if they've got no cash in the house!

My son asked me how I knew Father Christmas's phone number. I told him that when babies are born it's printed on their bottoms and that's how all mummies and daddies know it.

ice cream van music means that it has run out.

If the lights are flashing on the little rides in the entrance of Morrisons...then it is broken and the man needs to come with his screw driver to fix it.

That the car doesnt work unless all seat belts are on.

that chewing gum will make you die if you swallow it......hence the distraught sobbing nd wailing when ds's cousin gave him some, and he swallowed it. He wanted to know how long until he died.

LeQueen Fri 11-Feb-11 10:35:37

MrQ actually has SANTA in his mobile phone, and a mobile number for him...has always worked a treat.

I've got FC's name in my phone (as DH) number so we're in regular contact!!!!

I told DD that Barbie is illegal.

my dad was evil and told lies constantly throughout my life he told us when we went on hols to wales that if we didn't count the lines in the road the police would make us walk
(we all had whip lash when we arrived hahah)
he once left a note for me to meet my mum an help with the shopping so after walking the 2 miles to the shopping centre an waiting for an hour i realised he was avin a laugh.
me mum was avin her hair done!!

I made an off the cuff remark to DH about people urinating in public pools the other day. He replied that of course people didn't do that 'the water around them would go bright purple'. He's 31...

Don't know if this really counts but when DS1 was born I went from a fully paid up member of the Cat protection league to absolutely hating our cat with a passion. Although not particularly PFB the cat just turned into this big furry germ ball and I couldn't stand it.

However I knew I was being irrational and felt very guilty about it. Anyway I asked various people if they wanted a cat but could admit the truth in case they thought I was a truly awful person so told them I had to get rid as DS1 was allergic to the cat.

Anyway lovely couple, friends of friends, said they would take him. Lady was lovely and was almost in tears as she imagine 'how distraught, I must be feeling to give away my precious cat. I must have done an Oscar winning performance pressing the fact that it was very distressing but DS1 was so allergic I had no choice.

DS1 was only 18 months old and I didn't think he'd taken any notice but unfortunately even now, aged 10, he thinks he's
allergic to cats. I have tried saying that I now think he's grown out of it because I didn't want to admit to an out and out lie but to no avail.

Oh what a tangled web...........

Bodleian I thought I was allergic to cats until I was in my early twenties because my little sister desperately wanted a kitten and Mum told us I was allergic so she couldn't have one...

I'm feeling a bit guilty here. DS is so so very sweet, age 4. I 're-home' the slugs that eat our veggie garden by popping them in the green bin that the council empties for rapid composting at very high heats. I've told DS that the slugs are off to a party so he stands and waves to the departing dustbin lorry and chirrups, 'bye bye slugs, have a nice party, hope there are balloons". God, I feel evil.

Until school age my DC believed that aisins were sweets.

To small niece and nephew rioting on Xmas Eve "I've got Father Christmas's mobile number..."

Dc too little for this sort of thing yet but when I was about 6yrs old, my dad told me that Santa had crashed his sleigh into the tree that the tooth fairy lived in and the Easter bunny lived under and they had all died in the accident.

I tell my DD that she is not allowed to jump in puddles becuase the puddle will swallow her up and I will be sad. It started one wet horrid morning on the way to school.

goodynuff Am intrigued about Ontario as my Nan was born there, I wish I had thought to ask her more about it. All I know is they kept shovels in the house to dig themselves out of the snow

My mum told my sister and I (we both had long blonde hair that we liked to chew on) that if we sucked on our plaits we'd swallow hair and it would wrap around our hearts and we'd die. We believed her for many, many years, even beyond GCSE Biology which taught us how untrue it was.

Ah, we have done the "fake phone call to friend's mum/dad" thing before too! "Yes, I'm afraid DS won't be able to come to X's party... he's been far too badly behaved..."

My mum used to pretend to call social services on us and have us taken away. She even had a fake phone number in her book. Did use to stop us doing whatever naughty thing we were doing but not sure I'd do anythng quite like that. MInd you I seem to be turning more into my mother everyday so who knows LOL!

I keep no clocks/watches upstairs and lie constantly about the time......it's always bedtime. Suckers.

My mum told me and my brother (both terrified of spiders) that spiders were allergic to aftershave and could not come near us if we had a spritz of Dad's aftershave at bedtime. Spiders could also not walk on sheets, which convinced me for YEARS and when one did walk across my bed I remember being totally and utterly gobsmacked, as if the spider had opened its mouth and talked to me!

ds, aged 2, was pestering me for lollipops in the supermarket and kept on and on. Eventually I cracked and started telling him, very seriously, about the national lollipop shortage. I said it was a huge crisis and Questions Had Been Asked on the floor of the House of Commons and the prime minister had promised to find out what the problem was. Most of these words went over his head but befuddled him enough to shut him up for a few moments.

A passing lady looked at him very seriously and, without breaking stride, said 'excuse me, but I think your Mummy's nose is growing'.

schroeder We have had to dig out before, but not as often now that we live further North. It is too cold to get the same snow amounts as the Great Lakes area. Our snow does last a lot longer though! Did she ever mention where in the province she lived?

Mine think allsorts of crazy things!

If you stand too near the tv, your eyes will fall out and roll under the sofa.

If you dawdle outside at night, the wolves will eat you (not real Canadian ones, these are fake yorkshire ones.

i'm guilty of tellin my 7 year old that if she keeps tellin fibs her tonge will turn black an drop off.