the lies that we tell our children to make life easier

[Asteria]

I convinced my DS that the red hazard button on the dashboard was for an ejector seat for naughty children - it was years before he found out it wasn't, but the poor chap nearly shat himself when we broke down and I reached over to press the button!!!

What other fibs have you told your children to make life just that little bit easier?

DDs noisy toys all had batteries that couldn't be replace due to the irregular nature of them.
She came home from school last year and told me that there were CCTV cameras all over teh school to see whether the teachers were doing their jobs properly and if the children were behaving. They were actually normal screws when she pointed them out.
I used to tell her her toys played together all day while she was at school then flopped down when we got home. I would arrange them before collecting her.
She told me that the guard at her school had let them all hold his (loaded) gun. Astonishingly that was true

Don't wee in the swimming pool, the water around you will turn orange and everyone will know

Goodynuff where the chuff did you live where wolves ate goats?????

I told my son the swimming pool was gone on holidays. He BELIEVED me. Worry about that child.

The tooth fairy doesn't want teeth that you've wobbled out to early! Can't bear watching them poke their teeth.

No I'm not eating a biscuit!! At least once a day.

When I was little it was the butchers van that came round playing music, not the icecream one.

Also the reason we could not ever have a dog or a cat was because my Dad was allergic to their fur ... didn't stop us looking after their friends dog when the friends went on holiday though ...

Oh and mum used to reguarly put the clocks forward and hour or so when she wanted rid of us thought we needed an early night!

So amused by everyone's tall tales!

My DS had a very precious friend who was horrendously spoilt who was given a quad bike from Santa at Christmas. This caused lots of children in the area to wonder what they had done to warrant the shitty little pressies they got - and lots of parents to be very with the spoilt brat's parents. (why they couldn't have given the quad bikes from themselves rather than santa is beyond me)
Anyhoo - my DS lost his first tooth not long after so I told him that if he wished for something really special (which only worked with the first tooth) then the tooth fairy would bring it. He wished for a silver remote control monster truck and lo and behold the Fairies left one for him - they even wrote on the wrapping paper and left little inky footprints! He still mutters about the Christmas that Santa must have thought that he was naughty but that the tooth fairy had made up for it

also the tooth fairy only takes them away to give them a proper clean and then brings them back for mummy to keep in a little silver box

• The cafe / soft play centre / etc. is shut now so we can't go there.

• If you get off your chair / cry / shout in a cafe then they won't let us come back again

AtYourCervix We live in Northern Ontario. The wolf problem here is getting worse, because the MNR (ministry of Natural Resources) has had huge funding cuts. In the past, you could call them, they would come with live traps, and relocate the animals. Now they tell you to pay a tracker, which runs about 30$/hour. It usually takes a few days to track them, so it is too expensive. Mind you, when I was little, I did get to see a mother moving her pups to a spring burrow! The pups were so fat! I really wanted one, but my Mum just laughed at me and said "Not bloody likely"

I don't think I've ever told lies to my kids.

Maybe I have but if so I really don't remember it.

That your tongue turns blue if you lie. very effective up to the age of 6. My children are very gullible though.

That if you open your magic stocking presents from Father christmas before 7am they will disappear. Thoroughly recommend this one. We are the only parents I know who get a decent night's sleep for christmas!

One of us rings the house phone from a mobile on christmas eve and we pretend it's FC calling for a behaviour report .

And that the tooth fairy was caught up in the ash cloud and couldn't fly when she forgot DD's tooth two nights in a row, to my eternal shame Thank fuck for the ash cloud I say.

Ive told my 2 year old that monsters live at the top of the tress, and they only come down at night to hunt and eat little boys, so thats why we have to be in bed.

Mwahhhhhhh.

He loves telling people this

bloomingnora we do the tongue thing too, although my DC's tongues turn black. As you say, very effective

The TV licence one is genius. Pretty sure that wouldn't even get questioned until teenagehood

Sometimes I tell DS (age 2) that his trains have gone to sleep, when it's bedtime and he's insisting that he needs to play with them. But generally I do try and come up with real reasons for things!

Ooh some very funny ones! Will steal a few for DN!

Easter Bunny murder was just plain cruel though. Can't believe people find that funny.

Wind comes from wind farms.

Not strictly a make your life easier lie but bloody funny.

Evil=GiftTiggaxx

The old one that every good brummie mother tells her children about the Ice cream van!!!

TV only works for an hour a day = especially when you pull the aerial lead out = didn't work forever though :(

My mum told me that Santa stole the chocolates off the Christmas tree. I was really annoyed with him for ages!! :o

DH has told DD that his World's Best Dad mug is the only one in existence....

My ex boyfriend, get this, was told, if he opened his eyes one more time whilst he was meant to be sleeping - he'd die!!!

Our toothfairy doesn't work every night due to new EU regulations.