the lies that we tell our children to make life easier

[Asteria]

I convinced my DS that the red hazard button on the dashboard was for an ejector seat for naughty children - it was years before he found out it wasn't, but the poor chap nearly shat himself when we broke down and I reached over to press the button!!!

What other fibs have you told your children to make life just that little bit easier?

That everyone pays for a tv licence, but that if you pay less you are only allowed to watch it for 2 hours a day. If you watch it more than that the police come and take away the tv. Kids are grown up now - but they used to ask me "how much time is left today".

Took them ages to realise. When they went to others who had tv on all the time, I just said they had paid for a more expensive tv licence and that we couldn't afford this.

My friend told her daughter that the crows where we live report back to Santa. There are loads of crows. Wasn't a good idea as the girl just became scared of the crows.

If you don't sit properly on the bus the bus driver will stop the bus and come and tell you off (boring one but it works a treat).

Might use the fire detector/Santa detective one :)

My mum used to tell me:

1. If I didn't get out of the bath quickly I would be sucked down the plug hole - I still hate pulling the plug out while I am still in the bath!
2. That if I stood still too long at the seaside the seagulls would swoop down and take me away
3. I couldn't have black patent shoes as people would see the reflection of my knickers in them!

Yes I used to use the bus one as well.

There was a big old rambling house in our area that had a high wall around it and electric security gates.
DH told our two youngest (twins) that it was the schoolfor bad boys.
After one particularly "difficult" day he bundled them into the car and drove up there, as he drove into the road where the hose was, they were both hysterically promising to be good for the rest of their lives!

You have all given me so many ideas - thank you! If anything disappears in the house the DCs are convinced Daddy has taken it. This backfires when it is something I am actually looking for like the car keys!

Lazylula I love the black patent shoes.

My MIL went down to the bottom of the garden when DH was quite young (youngest child), with a shot gun, fired a shot, came back and announced that was the end of the Easter bunny.

When DS was a little one, I used to say the age old "if you eat your crusts they make your hair go curly" (DS had a fascination with curly hair at the time so tried to use it to my advantage but it never worked).

When he was about 8 we were on holiday at relatives in Canada and DS said to a cousin who left her crusts, "oh you must eat your crusts, my Mum does, that's why her hair is curly". The funny thing is that I never thought for a moment he'd believed me and I'd been saying it for years

I tell mine:

plain milk is "cream-flavoured milkshake"

coke is alcoholic

if you see something advertised on the telly, it means it's shit and they are having trouble shifting it

Larf @SenoritaViva love that one about the Easter Bunny too funny!

I convinced one of my pupils who like to fart loudly every lesson that forcing out farts would mean his "bum would fall out". He never did it again... Surprised I didn't get a complaint about that one.

I'm saving all these up - DS is only 18 months.

I feel pretty about the Easter Bunny.

That if you tug that 'closed off' belt from the closed checkout an alarm will go off and you will be sent out of the supermarket.

The tooth fairy knows if you haven't been brushing your teeth properly. And she is a very stern fairy. Yeah.

Awww Lesley33 yes I know it's not really a very nice thing to do to a kid BUT from an adult perspective, it's really very funny

I like the alarm sensor being santa i may use that one [thumbsup] If my dc's r playing up when out shopping i tell them that they will have to go and sit in the security guards office while i do my shopping, works a treat.

Apart from Father Christmas and the tooth fairy, I have told my DCs no lies.

I thought Mum was the one person you should be able to trust 100%.

I was probably put off by my DM who tells so many whoppers that as a child I automatically disbelieved anything she told me.

To make sure our two DC's brush their teeth properly we tell them that if they don't, their teeth will turn brown and the dentist will pull them out with a pair of pliers!

Also, I tell my DC's that the sleepy dust in their eyes in the morning is there because the fairies have sprinkled it on them during the night to make sure they have sweet dreams!

Other fibs include all food gives you special strengths i.e. carrots help you see in the dark, potatoes make your muscles grow etc.

And finally, Mummy has got a little bit of magic that she can use each day to do certain things!

gobehind - I don't think that advert one is a lie, actually! :)

I tried the 'wear your seatbelt, or the police will come and take us to jail' lie with my nephew.

It didn't work. He wanted to see the police, so he kept slipping his arms out and then asking where the police were.

We used to say eating crusts gave you curly hair and not to bite your nails because you'll get worms... that one freaked them out!

the teeth turning brown and the worms from nail biting are true though!

The sweet shop/swimming pool/soft play hell is pretty much always closed. Except on days I decide we can visit it