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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WWYD - Breastfeeding?

111 replies

loveitwhenyouoooh · 10/02/2011 17:25

I'm visiting a friend at the weekend and taking DS2 (6wks) to meet her. Although she would have no problem with anyone breastfeeding their child I do know her personal opinion is that breastfeeding is a bit weird and she once told me she was very when a visiting friend, in her words, whipped her boob out to feed her baby. She told me she only associates breasts with sex so feels it is strange to use them with a baby. in my opinion but each to their own.

She would never ask me not to BF in front of her and I would never deny DS a feed but as I will be visiting her house and am aware of her opinion should I respect this by arranging to visit between feeds (DS is pretty regular 3 hourly feeder)so as not to make her feel uncomfortable OR just go when convenient for her and us regardless of whether it means feeding DS when I'm there since breastfeeding is totally natural and normal?

WWYD?

OP posts:

kazfox · 11/02/2011 02:13

Tbh if your friend has an issue with bf she can just go into another room whilst you feed your dc. Her aversion is not your fault or problem, my friends have done this without discussion.

sunshinestate · 11/02/2011 02:35

When visiting friends I often would just use a bedroom to feed my DS. It does amaze me though that people are so embarrassed by breasts but only when associated with breastfeeding. It sometimes feels like every other newspaper/advertisement/magazine/website/music video is full of cleavage.

ningthemerciless · 11/02/2011 04:58

god i dont ever think about who else is there when my boy needs feeding. just latch and carry on. you must be much more considerate than me op!

Mishy1234 · 11/02/2011 06:20

If it were me I'd just go when it was convenient (not time it between feeds) and if I needed to bf when I was there I'd just ask where would be the best place.

I don't agree with her opinion of bf, but it wouldn't bother me enough to make her feel awkward. Her problem, but her home I guess.

CountBapula · 11/02/2011 06:51

At 6 weeks for my DS there was no such thing as 'between feeds' and he used to feed for 45 minutes at a time at that age, so if I'd hidden away I never would have seen anyone! In many ways, that was what forced me to get used to bfing in front of people.

Personally I always time visits to coincide with DS having just woken up as I'd rather the other person see him in a good mood for as long as possible, rather than overtired and screamy. This means I would have to bf pretty much as soon as I arrive.

Your friend's views are indeed strange but I agree, just casually ask her what she'd prefer you do - you may find she's ok, or at least pretends to be.

kissncuddle · 11/02/2011 07:00

I think this would stress me out.

I would not go, I'd invite her over to my place.

At 6 weeks you are feeding all the time.

KaraStarbuckThrace · 12/02/2011 09:53

Sorry been busy.

What about my feelings? I would be very hurt and offended if I was told to leave the room - because the implication is I am doing something wrong.

It is a knife that cuts both ways I'm afraid.

waitaminutenow · 14/02/2011 21:13

I have no prob with bfing but at the end of the day your friend is entitled to feel the way she does...and when in other peoples houses we need to respect their wishes and opinions. Just because its breastfeeding doesn't give you the right to ignore her feelings...you wouldn't do in any other situation...would you??

Some people don't get/understand/feel comfortable around breastfeeding and they are entitled to be that way. The arguement that it is natural is neither here nor there....so is farting...so....you do the rest of the thinking.

The best thing to do is to make your friend feel as comfortable as possible...ask her what she would like you to do whilst in her house.
Im guessing she has no children??Maybe she just doesn't understand yet.Good luck.

Inertia · 14/02/2011 21:34

OP, I think you are over-thinking this- I'd just go and visit, feeding your baby as needed (feed timing can be pretty unpredictable at that age) . Don't faff about with covers and moving rooms - if you are going to sit in different rooms why bother visiting ?

If your friend is really that easily offended, then inviting a BF newborn and mother to her house is pretty foolish.

TeiTetua · 14/02/2011 22:30

If she's truly a friend, you can say to her, "I've got this baby, and I'm breast-feeding him. Because we're friends, can I just do it and have it be OK with you? I really don't mind if your eyes fall upon my nakedness. It simply isn't a big deal, between friends."

And if she's a friend, she'll say, "Yes, that'll be fine. If I'm embarrassed at first, I'll try and get used to it."

Honestly I think if you demonstrate that you don't care, after a minute or two she won't either.

MissyKLo · 14/02/2011 22:44

Regaedless of her (twatty, pathetic, stupid, idiotic) opinion, would she really mind you bf in front of her? Maybe explain that you are bf and if she would feel
Uncomfortable with bf in her home you will not come over?

People like her I do find so stupid I have to admit. What does she think we were given boobs for?! Gah

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