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AIBU?

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Original poster

WWYD - Breastfeeding?

111 replies

loveitwhenyouoooh · 10/02/2011 17:25

I'm visiting a friend at the weekend and taking DS2 (6wks) to meet her. Although she would have no problem with anyone breastfeeding their child I do know her personal opinion is that breastfeeding is a bit weird and she once told me she was very Shock when a visiting friend, in her words, whipped her boob out to feed her baby. She told me she only associates breasts with sex so feels it is strange to use them with a baby. Hmm in my opinion but each to their own.

She would never ask me not to BF in front of her and I would never deny DS a feed but as I will be visiting her house and am aware of her opinion should I respect this by arranging to visit between feeds (DS is pretty regular 3 hourly feeder)so as not to make her feel uncomfortable OR just go when convenient for her and us regardless of whether it means feeding DS when I'm there since breastfeeding is totally natural and normal?

WWYD?

OP posts:
tigitigi · 10/02/2011 18:31

i'm with the ops friend here but very aware I am in the minority. I have a friend who is very into la leche or whatever it is called. When the children were little she would visit and I would leave the room in my house while she fed her baby. She never complained when I bottle fed at hers.

I would never dream of having a little innocent baby go without its food just because I have certain opinions even in my own house. That said - I don't want to be in the same room it makes me feel wierd but my friend was never offended by this.

Hope that helps. If you are worried just beforehand say to your friend that your baby breastfeeds and is that ok? IF she says she really would rather not just go between feeds no harm done.

belgo · 10/02/2011 18:32

Sauvignon- exactly - and out of all the women I have seen bfing, I have never once seen someone 'whip their boob out'.

In your situation OP I would either not visit the friend, or I would visit and behave in exactly the same way as I would visiting any friend.

pigletmania · 10/02/2011 18:32

Yes sauvignon I hadent thought of that lol

belgo · 10/02/2011 18:33

tigitigi I would never ask anyone's permission to breastfeed, just as I would never expect anyone to ask me for permission to bottle feed.

Bubblerapped · 10/02/2011 18:33

I am sure if you said "would you mind if I just use your bedroom for a few minutes while I feed the baby" it would spare either of you feeling awkward..

Cassandra63 · 10/02/2011 18:34

I used to lift up my top so my boobs were never fully exposed. My elderly father-in-law used to ask if I was going to make him eat a whole one. He thought it was marvellous as all three of his were bottle fed.

DuelingFanjo · 10/02/2011 18:34

I would go between feeds but if you find you need to feed just say something like 'I remember you felt a bit urrgghhh when so and so breastfed in front of you so do you want me to nip into another room to feed?'

pigletmania · 10/02/2011 18:34

Exactly belgo, I would not go if she did mind. Dont have to ask permission to bottlefeed why breastfeeding Hmm

shesparkles · 10/02/2011 18:35

I'm with offering to go to another room to feed-no one should be made to feel uncomfortable in their own home, and your friend will no doubt appreciate your consideration

TimeWasting · 10/02/2011 18:36

I'd get a new friend.

TattyDevine · 10/02/2011 18:37

DuellingFanjo speaks sense as usual, do that.

belgo · 10/02/2011 18:37

I would never expect anyone to move to another room to bottle-feed, so why should anyone ask to go to another room to bf?

belgo · 10/02/2011 18:37

It is very hard to predict when 'between feeds' is with a breastfed six week old.

FanjolinaJolie · 10/02/2011 18:42

Her opinion and her home. I'd go but ask if there was another room to feed in if your DC needs a feed while you're there.

You never know she may say, 'no it's OK you don't have to move'. Her opinion on BF may have changed.

She may well have a curiousity about it if it's not something she's seen close-up.

My BF is not a breastfeeder and I am, we are still friends!! It was never an issue between us at all and now that our kids are all at school is very much old news.

pigletmania · 10/02/2011 18:43

You can predict between feeds for a much older baby, but not really a newborn.

EauRouge · 10/02/2011 18:44

I would check before you go if she has a problem with you BF. I don't think I would go if she wanted you to move to another room, it would make me feel really unwelcome. You can always turn your back while you get your DS latched on, your friend won't see anything.

MillyR · 10/02/2011 18:57

I wouldn't go.

Olivetti · 10/02/2011 19:08

I have a bib with a sort of hoop at the top, so that I can see my baby down it but nobody else can see my boobs - I use it when feeding in public, and when people like my father-in-law are over. I love breast-feeding my baby, but I don't feel comfortable being exposed in public, and I don't see a reason to feel ashamed of those feelings. I think if you are visiting someone, you should respect their wishes - you can always go to a bedroom or cover up, as others have suggested.

NinkyNonker · 10/02/2011 19:21

It always amuses me.when people say I should cover up specifically...I am quite large of nork and still manage to display nothing when feeding. (Unless 6 mo old dd gets distracted but even then I am quick off the draw.) So, is it the sight of nork that 'offends' people (best not go to the beach, night club, a news agent etc etc on that case Hmm) or the act of feeding itself? Cause I've yet to see any real nork when a lady (myself included, I sat next to my dad at a family dinner while feeding once, he didn't realise I'd fed her at all) so I can only assume it is the perfectly natural act itself, which is odd. In that case, would it be acceptable for me to say that formula feeding offends me, so it should be done our of my sight? That would be terribly unpopular I feel. (Before I get lynched I don't think that, I'm just playing devil's advocate. )

I'd be fascinated to know as I've never quite got my head round it.

unfitmother · 10/02/2011 19:23

FFS, you don't have to hide away like you're doing something'dirty'.
Maybe remind your friend that you're BFing but hiding away perpetuates the myth that it's something shameful.

SecretNutellaFix · 10/02/2011 19:30

you're feeding your baby, not masturbating!

However, if the subject does come up, then ask your friend if she has any questions if she looke like she does. Offer to feed in another room if she does feel uncomfortable, but not knowing how long baby will feed for, it could eat into your visit with her.

PepperMoonchild · 10/02/2011 19:32

Did he 6 week growth spurt only happen to me? I wouldn't count on between feeds and would ring her and talk to her about it first.

MillyR · 10/02/2011 19:36

I kind of agree with Olivetti; I do think if you a guest in someone else's house you should respect their wishes.

But I find it really offensive for someone to say that they find someone else's breastfeeding weird and sexual. If someone doesn't want to breastfeed because they are uncomfortable with the idea of it, of course that is their choice. But to make such awful remarks about someone else breastfeeding is mean-spirited and prejudiced.

So I would respect the wishes of my host, unless my host was a mean-spirited bigot like the OP's friend, in which case I would not go to their house.

Olivetti · 10/02/2011 19:41

Well, yes, Millie, I agree - it's mental to call bfeeding weird and sexual. But this person is her friend, and presumably she wants to carry on being friends in spite of her views, so the easiest thing seems to be just to cover up!

belgo · 10/02/2011 19:43

The problem with changing what you nroamlly do for this friend, is that it will only encourage her in her belief that bfing is weird and sexual.