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Original poster

WWYD - Breastfeeding?

111 replies

loveitwhenyouoooh · 10/02/2011 17:25

I'm visiting a friend at the weekend and taking DS2 (6wks) to meet her. Although she would have no problem with anyone breastfeeding their child I do know her personal opinion is that breastfeeding is a bit weird and she once told me she was very Shock when a visiting friend, in her words, whipped her boob out to feed her baby. She told me she only associates breasts with sex so feels it is strange to use them with a baby. Hmm in my opinion but each to their own.

She would never ask me not to BF in front of her and I would never deny DS a feed but as I will be visiting her house and am aware of her opinion should I respect this by arranging to visit between feeds (DS is pretty regular 3 hourly feeder)so as not to make her feel uncomfortable OR just go when convenient for her and us regardless of whether it means feeding DS when I'm there since breastfeeding is totally natural and normal?

WWYD?

OP posts:
KaraStarbuckThrace · 10/02/2011 21:19

It's good we talk about it though. Because the nation could be healthier as a whole if we breastfed more, due to the long term health affects it imparts to both mother and baby.
And it is a massive uphill struggle to counteract the awful misconceptions about breastfeeding that we still see - typified by the OP's friend.

I wouldn't go out of my way to feed my baby in front of my friend but if the baby was hungry I would feed it - I don't want to flash my boob to the entire world so then wouldn't be much to see anyway - and perhaps it may give the friend some food for thought that the primary function for breasts is for feeding babies - the fact they are also nice sexually is an added bonus!

crapbarry · 10/02/2011 21:27

I'd offer your friend a feed and watch her recoil in horror as you unclip your bra cup, but I'm a bitch.

my sister's fiance has similar opinions. I always feed in front of him, but then we have never visited his house. TBH I'd probably do it in his house anyway because he's a twat DH would prefer me to go into another room to feed when we're visitng his family (eastern european), but DS is a toddler now which makes it more complicated!

This isn't a helpful comment at all, is it?

basically, you can respect your friend's feelings, but also make it clear that you find them nonsensical.

Olivetti · 10/02/2011 21:30

You can be pro-breastfeeding but accept that some people would feel uncomfortable seeing your boobs! My 89 year old Grandad is pleased that I am feeding my baby, but I'm hardly going to get them out in front of him. That's because it would make him very uncomfortable, and I wouldn't feel too chilled myself....that doesn't make either of us bigots, it's just tailoring behaviour to respect the feelings of others.

KaraStarbuckThrace · 10/02/2011 21:48

Yes but he doesn't have to look though does he? And frankly satisfying a hungry baby that depends on its mother for it sole source food to me outweighs others' discomfort. And tbh there isn't exactly much to see anyway. Pretty much all bfing mothers prefer to cover up as much as they can anyway so they don't get cold Grin

tl10 · 10/02/2011 21:51

am agreeing with Olivetti! and stopping commenting right now as I'm going to start contributing to yet another debate about breastfeeding- the one mumsy thing that bores me to tears! :) have a nice day with ur pal OP x

HeathcliffMoorland · 10/02/2011 21:52

I breastfed all my children until they were a year old (not bragging, just giving a background).

While I wouldn't compare breastfeeding to weeing or having sex in public, I do understand that not everyone wants to watch it.

Just because something is natural doesn't mean everyone should love seeing it.I see it as similar to having a friend who feels uncomfortable with any other aspect of behaviour - I would respect that. Not because the friend is right, but because the friend is a friend.

KaraStarbuckThrace · 10/02/2011 21:53

Believe me you see more tits in the likes of the Sun newspaper than you do when a woman breastfeeds.

MillyR · 10/02/2011 21:55

It is tailoring behaviour to respect the feelings of bigots. As another poster said, it is similar to the idea that I couldn't hold hands with a person from another ethnic group or a person of the same sex as me because it might upset the feelings of others.

It is a person's choice to object to such things in their own home, but I wouldn't wish to visit the home of such a person.

I should no more be told that I should have to cover up my breasts when feeding a baby than Olivetti should be told that she must show them. Would you visit the home of someone who said you should show your breasts to them while feeding because to do otherwise would be weird and sexual?

Olivetti · 10/02/2011 21:57

But in my experience that just makes it harder for everyone. Dad/grandad/father-in-law or, in OP's case, friend, doesn't know where to look, therefore conversation difficult. I feel uncomfortable, baby probably picks up on it; not a problem to pop to a bedroom for however long it takes and have a relaxed, proper feed, then go back. It doesn't have to become a major political issue.

MillyR · 10/02/2011 21:58

How is conversation easier to hold if you are sitting in another room to all other adults? Who are you having the conversation with?

Getting up and walking out to a bedroom is just as political as staying put.

begonyabampot · 10/02/2011 21:59

the point about no one asking if it's ok to bottle feed in public (which is unnatural compared to BF) is one I've never thought of before. Why should we feel awkward about Breast Feeding compared to Bottle feeding when both should be regarded as the same thing.

Olivetti · 10/02/2011 22:00

...and you can't just write off anyone who doesn't feel exactly the same way as you as "bigots". Well, you can, but it's just as intolerant in its own way.

HeathcliffMoorland · 10/02/2011 22:02

I don't see not wanting to see boobs as bigotry.

In fact, based on this, people who strongly advocate breastfeeding and are dismissive of those who are less enthusiastic could be called bigots.

"One who is strongly partial to one's own group, religion, race, or politics and is intolerant of those who differ."

MillyR · 10/02/2011 22:04

I don't write just anyone off as a bigot.

But if someone expresses views in their own home that would be illegal if they said them to a woman in a public place, then I would consider that bigotry. If it wasn't, why do we have laws against it? And it is against the law to say or do things to try and make a breastfeeding women leave a public place.

MillyR · 10/02/2011 22:06

I agree that it is wrong to be dismissive of people who choose not to breastfeed. I would defend the rights of any woman who was made to feel that she had to leave somewhere because she was bottlefeeding, and if such events became common, I would support a law banning people from pressurising bottlefeeding parents to leave public spaces.

Olivetti · 10/02/2011 22:06

Going to a bedroom when you know someone feels uncomfortable (or, in my case, because I feel a bit uncomfortable sometimes) is just a simple solution. Telling people they should "flash their boobs" and confront "bigots" is unnecessarily aggressive, in my opinion. Sometimes I do feed in front of people (mother-in-law, health visitor, some female freinds), sometimes I don't (father-in-law, dad, grandad, vicar). It doesn't mean I am working undercover for Cow and Gate. Not that I think there's anything wrong with FF anyway, if that's what's best for some mothers and babies.

HeathcliffMoorland · 10/02/2011 22:08

Not comparing breastfeeding to flashing. I am comparing sending a breastfeeding woman away to flashing.

But I am perfectly entitled to swan around naked in my own home. I am not entitled to do so on a main street. There are different rules.

I repeat, I breastfed, and often did so in public.

I see it as similar to this. I have a friend who once had a phobia of people crossing their legs. So I avoided doing so in front of her. She was not a bigot. She had a problem.

Olivetti · 10/02/2011 22:08

friends, obv

MillyR · 10/02/2011 22:10

I haven't told anyone to confront bigots. I have never had a negative experience, and I breastfed my first for 19 months and my second for 26. I don't think many people do have an issue with it. So I've never confronted a bigot in real life.

My cousin breastfed her two and preferred not to do so in public. I have no issue with that either. My other cousin is bottlefeeding and I have no issue with that.

I am not making a political statement; the political statement is being made by the OP's friend.

KaraStarbuckThrace · 10/02/2011 22:29

While bfing women are forced to hide themselves away we are perpetuating the view that bfing is unseemly.

Why can't people see this as feeding a baby and not about a woman revealing a small portion of her breast! I wouldn't dream of asking a woman not to bottle feed - that is her choice to feed her baby that way.

And I am sorry but you cannot compare breastfeeding to walking around naked, or peeing or anything like that - it is just not compatible.

tigitigi · 10/02/2011 23:32

What is wrong with being considerate of a friend's views. I genuinely don't get this. What a fuss about nothing big.

HeathcliffMoorland · 10/02/2011 23:34

Kara, I never compared breastfeeding to walking around naked.

I compared telling a breastfeeding woman to stop to walking around naked - neither acceptable in public.

My point being, that rules are different in a person's home.

HeathcliffMoorland · 10/02/2011 23:34

I agree, tigitigi.

gaelicsheep · 10/02/2011 23:56

I think the answer lies in whose house it is. If your friend was coming to your house I would say that you feed when you need to feed and she has to live with it. But it is her house, so it would be unfair to deliberately do something that would make her uncomfortable, however irrational that might seem. So if I were you I would try to time your visit to be between feeds, but if he needs feeding while you're there you'll have to feed him. I'd have thought it goes without saying that you wouldn't be "whipping out a boob".

Tupperwarewolf · 11/02/2011 00:13

I would just feed as usual. If she feels that uncomfortable about it then she can suddenly go and make a cup of tea or something.

I used to think bfing in public was wrong until I got used to seeing women doing it. Now I bf toddler DC in public.

gaelic if the friend was coming to OP's house, should she be forced to watch? Confused