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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to wonder why a person cannot have a moan on MN

118 replies

MmeLindt · 06/02/2011 19:47

without dozens of posters saying, "Oh, what are you complaining about. At least you have a dog/husband/house/MIL to look after the kids..."

Yes, this is a thread about a thread, but it is also something that I have noticed often on MN.

Is it basic human nature or something that is common on fora such as MN?

Sometimes a poster wants to complain, or has a small problem. Of course they are thankful that they don't have worse problems but there is no need to jump on them and berate them to get a life/grip.

Ok. Rant over. Everyone have some

OP posts:

Original poster

MmeLindt · 06/02/2011 23:08

2shoes
This was not really a thread about a thread - it was a thread about something that has bothered me a lot recently. The thread earlier was the catalyst to me starting this one, but I have been thinking about it for a while.

I don't think there is bullying as such on MN. Bullying to me is when lots of posters gang up on one person. There is sometimes a herd mentality though, that one poster starts with a FFS post and the others join in. Until someone else says, "Hey, hang on, that is a bit unfair", then lots join in to support them.

OP posts:

Northernlurker · 06/02/2011 23:15

Just seen this. It's a thread about a thread and if any of you bothered to take a look at said thread you would see the OP has gone off to bed in a decent frame of mind having made some positive progress. If you want to critique other poster's responses you should do it on the thread concerned where said posters can respond and acknowledge concerns. This is just shabby.

I think people should be able to moan of course - but not unreasonably blame others for any misfortune.

2shoes · 06/02/2011 23:16

well said northerlurker

GORGEOUSX · 06/02/2011 23:19

I don't know anything about another thread - I just think it's a shame one can't post a point of view without being told off - especially when the point of view is that said poster would like to be able to have a moan! What's so wrong about that?

Original poster

MmeLindt · 06/02/2011 23:19

NL
I was on the thread, I posted on it. And I also commented on the thread that the OP was being unfairly treated. I am glad that she is feeling better, but it could easily have gone pearshaped. Luckily the OP was not upset by the comments and took it in her stride.

It is not just this thread, it is happening often at the moment and I think it is a shame.

OP posts:

2shoes · 06/02/2011 23:21

ahh but I gave moaning as I was accused of top trumping by mentioning sn.........

GORGEOUSX · 06/02/2011 23:23

I don't understand what's going on here, but I suspect it's going to turn nasty, and, as I'm new to fora, and so DO get upset, I'm going to bed!

Original poster

MmeLindt · 06/02/2011 23:24

I commented on that earlier, 2shoes.

That is not what I am talking about, and I hope that it is not seen to be.

I am talking about posters not being able to complain about silly little irritations in their lives without being asked if it is really important, and if they don't have something more important to worry about.

OP posts:

Northernlurker · 06/02/2011 23:25

I know you were on the thread. That's what makes this one so very pointed.
I don't agree it's a general issue either. Has always been the case that some people would get hugs from some and a good telling off from others.

DirtyMartini · 06/02/2011 23:27

Surely this doesn't really fall into classic 'thread about a thread' territory in the sense of being sneaky or bitchy - after all, Mme was open about the connection from the start, just felt a separate thread was warranted owing to it being a broader issue she's noticed.

That seems ok.

DirtyMartini · 06/02/2011 23:28

Xpost.

:( more rows

Original poster

MmeLindt · 06/02/2011 23:29

Thanks, DM. That is what I was trying to say.

I did not want to hijack the other thread, especially as it seemed to be turning good.

Anyhow. I am off to bed. It is after midnight here.

OP posts:

herbietea · 06/02/2011 23:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Northernlurker · 06/02/2011 23:39

I don't think being open about the connection helps me feel this thread is fair play.

BeerTricksPotter · 06/02/2011 23:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Annpan88 · 07/02/2011 09:29

YANBU I was reading a post the other day and was amazed and how high-and-bloody-mighty people can get. Some peoples problems may seem trivial, but they're not to them and its not always 'constructive' critisism that people are offering. Would be nice if some people could just be supportive, constructive, or say nothing at all when people are already feeling low.

Foxinsocks · 07/02/2011 09:36

you can't moan on mumsnet as you do get top trumped

so either you have to learn to shut up or deal with the flack tbh

I always think it's a bit disingenous when people do it as you don't disclose everything that's going on in your own life so god knows what people are actually going through in reality (without saying something)

it's horrid when it happens - especially when people gang up. I've had it happen to me a few times and it's pretty unedifying.

Bogeyface · 07/02/2011 09:39

Well I dont see this as being a thread about a thread, as I have noticed misery top trumps being played alot on various different boards. The OP saw it happening again on the other thread it inspired her to post this. Totally different to a TAAT imo.

I agree that when one is having a bad day being told that someone else copes with worse isnt a) going to make one feel any better and b)going to make one more able to cope. I know that I am having a bad day because of X. Other people having a bad day with X, Y and Z isnt going to make my day better.

And if someone says that they are moaning or ranting or feeling sorry for themselves then they are not asking for opinions. They are moaning or ranting or feeling sorry for themselves to get it out of their system so they can move on!

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