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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder why a person cannot have a moan on MN

118 replies

MmeLindt · 06/02/2011 19:47

without dozens of posters saying, "Oh, what are you complaining about. At least you have a dog/husband/house/MIL to look after the kids..."

Yes, this is a thread about a thread, but it is also something that I have noticed often on MN.

Is it basic human nature or something that is common on fora such as MN?

Sometimes a poster wants to complain, or has a small problem. Of course they are thankful that they don't have worse problems but there is no need to jump on them and berate them to get a life/grip.

Ok. Rant over. Everyone have some Wine

OP posts:
bibbitybobbityhat · 06/02/2011 20:50

Actually, I've changed my mind now I've seen the thread I think you are referring to ML Grin.

I have to say its a bit crass and insensitive to moan self pityingly without showing any awareness that generally speaking you have a pretty good deal. I'm afraid I think the op on that thread came across as terribly spoilt! Surely she must know that the vast vast vast majority of other mumsnetters have nothing like that amount of "respite".

ChippingInSmellyCheeseFreak · 06/02/2011 20:59

MaryZ - the original post was in chat and the OP said she just wanted to have a self pitying whinge.

Gemsy - I should have bitten my tongue instead of posting, it would have been the polite thing to have done. However, I have yet to see one post where you show any compassion to anyone, about anything. It's like you are only here to be as argumentative as possible - which of course is up to you, but if you get a rep for it, you can hardly call 'poor me'.

BitOfFun · 06/02/2011 21:00

She's depressed though, isn't she? A bit of kindness wouldn't go amiss.

roadbackhome · 06/02/2011 21:01

YANBU - the thread which I believe kicked this off was in chat and yet practically the first reply was 'you are being unreasonable'.

If the thread had been in AIBU the OP bashing and competitive misery would still have been pretty uncalled for.

Although I didn't bother posting as the title did seem a bit out of proportion to the actual problem, a thread called 'I have had a slightly bad day but would still like a moan' probably would have got a better response.

maryz · 06/02/2011 21:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

balloonballs · 06/02/2011 21:04

I agree with South. There so much rushing in with knee jerk, daily fail reactions, that the well thought out responses are harder to see.

PacificDogwood · 06/02/2011 21:06

YANBU.

Yes, there may always be somebody worse off than you, but you only have to deal with whatever it is you have to deal with. And I believe in therapeutic moaning - v refreshing! Wink

A bit of perspective is fine, but slapping a poster down because her problem is not "worthy" enough... Hmm

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 06/02/2011 21:08

I haven't even sen e thread. It does piss me off however, when people say that if you mention your child has SN, you are using it as some kind of one-upmanship or top trumps.

I usually mention my DD has SN as it's pretty relevant, and prefer to explain why my 4 year old acts like a baby.

She is my only frame of reference as I have no other kids.

If I were to mention her SN on a thread where I was commiserating with someone whose child wasn't sleeping, it would be to reassure them that their child will probably not be such a crap sleeper at her age.

All this talk of 'disability top trumps' makes me feel increasingly like I should only post on the SN boards.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 06/02/2011 21:09

I haven't SEEN THE thread, I mean

Original poster
MmeLindt · 06/02/2011 21:10

Bibbity
why is she spoilt? I had two DC of that age, and had no GP around (we lived 300km from my PILs and a country away from my parents). I still don't grudge someone who has GP and free babysitting on tap, and I can the OP being annoyed at getting let down.

She said, she wanted a moan. She wanted a pat on the head, some "oh, poor you, your PILs are such a pain" and she would have gone to bed feeling slightly molified.

OP posts:
fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 06/02/2011 21:13

Just saw the thread..the responses were seriously over-harsh- the poor OP

Original poster
MmeLindt · 06/02/2011 21:13

It was nothing to do with SN, Fanjo, and I would never use the term "disability top trumps".

I don't think that it happens very often, that a poster with a child with SN makes a comment like that.

It is more the "Be grateful you have GP nearby who babysit" kind of post that annoy me.

I did not have GP nearby, still don't but I just bloody well get on with it.

OP posts:
MilkNoSugarPlease · 06/02/2011 21:17

YANBU at all!

I don't bother having many self indulgent threads, because there's always someone that tries to top trump you...it wears thin after a while!!

It shouldn't be a case of "Oh woe is me my life is so much harder then yours" It should be "Just let me have my moan, regardless of whether you think I'm stupid/spoilt/boring/ungrateful to moan about it, just let me have my moment!"

We all need to vent about things, I would think MN would be a place where anyone can vent and get a handhold...but clearly some users are incapable of just doing that!

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 06/02/2011 21:17

mmeLindt, sorry I didn't mean you were mentioning SN, it was others on this thread..mainly penelopetitsdropped actually, I should have addressed my post to her. Smile

Beamur · 06/02/2011 21:17

MmwLindt - I quite agree, if you complain about your PIL/Kids whatever, someone will jump in and say 'you should be grateful' etc etc. Surely the purpose of a place like MN is for a vent when you can't do it in RL.

There can be a bit of hair shirt mentality on here sometimes.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 06/02/2011 21:17

So..YANBU

HecateQueenOfWitches · 06/02/2011 21:20

It was me who used 'disability top trumps' and that's because I've been on the receiving end of it. It exists and it is Not Helpful.

traceybath · 06/02/2011 21:20

I do agree with you MmeLindt as I often do.

But I think in the past few weeks there have been a lot meaner posts than generally.

Not sure if its people wanting to make a name for themselves or perhaps that people are having a tough time in RL so come on here and let rip.

All a bit sad though.

bibbitybobbityhat · 06/02/2011 21:23

Missed the part where she said she is depressed.

I do understand what you are saying and I broadly agree with you, op. As I said earlier on in the thread.

penelopestitsdropped · 06/02/2011 21:24

Fanjo - you misunderstand.

I do not mean people who mention their childs SN in an attempt to empathise or indeed help the op.

But those who mention it in a way as to brush off the Op;s concerns as frivelous. how can they moan about their DC, when my dc has xyz.

bibbitybobbityhat · 06/02/2011 21:26

At the same time, I find Mumsnet absolutley chockful of moaning threads at the moment (and about all sorts of minutely detailed family trivia) and not much fun.

And I see lots of double-standards and hypocrisy too.

TimeToStartACHEEKYDiet · 06/02/2011 21:28

can we have a link to the said thread from above please?!

LadyPumpington · 06/02/2011 21:29

Bibbity you are right there has been a lot of moaning and also a thread about another thread seems to be quite popular too.

KurriKurri · 06/02/2011 21:29

Depression can make some things feel awful out of all proportion to what may be the reality. 'get a grip, you're spoilt, how trivial etc.' is an incredibly unhelpful response (not to mention pretty nasty).

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 06/02/2011 21:29

Penelope, fair enough, that isn't really acceptable, I agree, try very hard not to do it ever myself.