to consider leaving my children for a year to study?

[secondcity]

long-time lurker here. I am braving AIBU and am bracing myself for the onslaught....

I live in New York with my husband and children, We have been here almost two years and everyone is very settled......except me!

I have been offered a (fully-funded) post-graduate course in the UK in september 2011.

If I were to accept the course, I wouldn't bring my children, but I would aim to come back once a month, and they would obviously come to me for all the holidays. My husband is very capable and we would probably get some part-time childcare sorted (secondary aged kids)

I swing between thinking it would be absolutely fine, (their father used to work away for up to 2 months at a time!)to thinking what kind of mother would contemplate leaving her children.

Anyone have any experience or advice? Thank you

Eh? How is it about culture?

Can I come to NY to look after yours, to give me a break from mine? (bad day)
Go for it Op.

the predictions of attachment disorder,dysfuction,caused by absent mother are catastrophic and not necessarily true.just because others on here wouldnt do this doesnt mean you take that same sentiment and not pursue course

because in many other countries/cultures it is the norm for children/mothers/fathers etc to be away from oneanother. Sometimes this is due to poverty/circ, but very often that is not always the case. The woman is certainly not seen as less maternal, or the children damaged. This thread is full of posters who seem to be only able to consider only one way of living, because imo, it is too outside of their experience (sorry, judgy I know)
It's comparative to moves in attachment theory to look at attachment networks, otherwise, effectively whole countries/cultures could be deemed to be full of children/adults with attachment disorders and that obviously is not the case.
BTW I write as a sahm of a nine year old

3seater- totally agree, most 3rd world nationals i've met have to live apart from their children for very long periods of time whilst they work. often unable to visit as cost of travel is more needed at home

But - what is this course for crying out loud?

Only you and your family can try it and see - after all a year isn't that long for it to go terribly wrong

I think she's unhappy and misses the UK.

Oh FFs

The difference here is op has a choice and therefore is asking for opinions.

Really curious - what's the course?

If you decide to go and it really isn't working for you or your family - you can always go back home.

Are there other maternal figures - aunts, grandparents etc who will be in NY and in close contact with your children? A lot does depend on other attachments I think. And also how available - emotionally and practically - is you DH to the kids. Him getting home from work at 6pm different from getting home at 10pm.

I don't think this is a totally unreasonable proposition, but am very interested in what course it is, because it does sound like quite an extreme solution

Ivykaty - are you saying - what's another year.

I know plenty of people that work in other countries and or off shore and it doesn't harm the dc, they have done this type of thing long term going away and coming home for two weeks every 4-8 weeks depending on who it is.

i have one friend who at the moment is working in london but for the last year was commuting to Africa and beofre that Australia for work, working away for 4-6 weeks and then home for 4 weeks.

Whilst working off shore it is really difficult and dangerous but that doesn't stop people having children or being less responsable

And I agree with Beta. Boarding school at 11 is not detrimental to some children, whilst it is catastrophic for others

You are thier mummy. Please think hard about how it will sound to thier ears when you sit and tell them there is something you would rather do for a whole year then look after them.

No way in hell could I do it. Dont know why some posters are trying to put a feminist slant on things. Fanjo or bollocks, you decide to be a parent and, in my book, the days of swanning off for a year and 'doing something for yourself' are long long gone.

Norman, agree, but in my view, the opinions arn't particularly balanced, so not very helpful. There's a big old world out there

What is the course??!

I think it's too young tbh- I don't see why you couldn't wait 5 years or so, personally I would be way too worried about something happening an I needed to be with them quick- as in a few hours quick, not a few days.

What if one of the kids get ill?

And, is this course not available in the US?

These dc are used to a parent being away from them - there dad used to work away so they will no the score.

toddlewrangle - I doubt very much the OP is going to sit down and tell the dc she doesn't want to be with them for the year as something better has come up - any more than there dad will have done that when he was working away.

it isn't a feminist stance - they are both parents and sometimes parents are away form the family home for various reasons

Ivykaty - I don't think you can rationalise that it's 'normal' to just take off for a year to go some whatever course.

I think it just seems like an excuse to come back here. I think if you haven't settled somewhere the worst thing you can do is come back home