To think that there us a lot of unfriendly women out there...

[MsKLo]

Bit of background - in the past, I have made some wonderful friends in people I have met in places like baby cafes, toddler groups, though other friends, gym classes etc...

I am quite a chatty person and will happily chat to new people and if I meet some fellow mums etc who seem nice I may suggest let's meet for a coffee or let's meet with the kids etc...

Lately, I have met a few fellow mums and have suggested the same thing (not in a pushy way - just said, 'if you ever want to meet up for coffee or with the kids, let me know' ) and the said ladies have said 'yes, that would be nice' we exchange numbers and they then never text to arrange a meet up and then are even quite unfriendly!

Have I done the wrong thing in being friendly and suggesting a meet up?! Like I said, I have met some

great people this way! It's not that they have to follow up our chats with a coffee etc but it does seem thatthey don't even want to make an effort to be friendly! Maybe I do the wrong thing in suggesting a meet u

I don't do this a lot by the way! But sometimes when I meet a fellow mum etc who seems nice, I do and like
I said, I have met some lovely people this way - but lately - just a bunch of very unfriendly ones!

I don't feel like I should be so chatty anymore!

Aibu to think I have just met some really unfriendly people lately or should I have not been so chatty and suggested meetin up etc?!

YABU. Maybe they are not as confident as you? This can sometimes be misread as being unfriendly. If you exchanged numbers then why don't you follow it up? If someone asked me if I wanted to meet for coffee and we swapped numbers I would kind of expect them to do the arranging. If I didn't hear from them again I would assume they weren't being sincere in the first place, TBH.

I have tried to follow it up but don't want to badger people... I will say if you want to meet up let me know or say a day etc but then - nothing so I'll leave it! It doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things and I have lots of lovely friends anyway but this kind o unfriendly attitude perplexes me slighty! Ah well!

Your overuse of exclamation marks is giving me a mental picture of how you are in real life and I'm not terribly surprised that not everyone is taking you up on your kind offer.

Would you say that you are a bouncy, energetic, always rushing type of person? Because that isn't always appealing to everyone.

Oh no not you cock!!!!!!!!

Here, have a few more and be on your merry musing way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Here's a few more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And some more!!!!!!!

Thankfully I don't hold your opinion in high regard so have a few more!!!!!

I've recently been on the other end of this. I made a friend and met up and had a nice afternoon, then she emailed to meet up again and I meant to reply after I had checked my calender but forgot.

A month later I went to email her on facebook to see if she if wanted to meet up again but she had defriended me. I asked her why and she said that I hadn't replied to the email, and apparently she saw us in town and said hi but we blanked her :-( so she "took the hint" that I didn't want to be her friend anymore.

I emailed to explain that wasn't the case but haven't heard back. I felt terrible!

It was purely disorganisation and obliviousness. I was really disappointed to lose my new friend and for how I must have made her feel.

I would expect the swap numbers and arrange a coffee thing after meeting someone a couple of times but would probably feel quite intimidated if it was the first time we had met. I'm pretty shy and it takes me a while to warm to people so this would maybe give a first impression of unfriendliness like you say.

now, you are being unfriendly, cockular !

I wish I had more bounce and energy but sadly I do not...

Here's a few more!!!!!!!!!!

I can't figure you out at all - man or woman? Older? Younger? Literate or not?

I just dunno...

Starting to like ya though

Often the women that you are talking to don't even have time to have a poo by themselves, never mind do what they wish.

No doubt when you and they are talking and making arrangements they are full of the best intentions - having a bit of adult time with coffee and no washing up (dream). Unfortunately they are also beset with mothering, working, looking after parents, studying, cooking, wifing, shopping, cleaning and transporting, that there isn't enough time to embark on personally fulfilling friendships.

Persevere but understand. We all would like to have that friend and sense of community with the parents of our children, but somehow life gets in the way.

Don't make future plans with these women, if you want to get to know them, ask them if they are free for coffee as soon as you drop the kids off. It's easier for us to justify an extra 15 minutes (even though it may turn into an hour) now than to commit to the future.

Maybe they are just obscenely busy?

I know I am most of the time - I hope I'm not offending people, but suspect I probably am.

Lois - these women don't seem shy, maybe it is just my fault for saying 'hey, how about meeting for a coffee' etc

Maybe I just should not say this! One woman who I used to speak to as we do the same fitness class, I suggested we meet for a coffee sometime and now she blanks me! You would think I had asked for a limb or something!

I understand the busy thing as I am too but it is just the downright unfriendliness! If they said oh that would be nice but am just bit busy etc that's fine but they look at me like I suggested they cut off their arm! It is just weird and unfriendly behaviour I find especially as I have met some lovely people this way in the past!

It isnt just mums. People in general aren't really open to making friends with new people and aren't that interested in expanding their social circle and accepting new people into it.

There was a thread on here a few days ago about cliques at work.

I'm afraid it exists everywhere.

Try not to take it personally.

Perhaps it's just a run of people who agreed without thinking and then later changed their minds? Bear in mind, they don't owe you an explanation.

Anyway, if they don't want to meet up then you're not really missing out on anything, are you? They don't sound very sociable at all so it's no loss.

Thanks - I don't really take it personally but I suppose I just find it a bit odd...

I am from an Italian background so maybe that is a bit different too

People are strAnge!

I wish more people were as friendly as you, I don't seem to come across many of them or maybe I just put them off

some people think that if you invite them out for a coffee you have insulted them by assuming they would want to be your friend. it's a weird old world.

No of course they don't owe me any explanation - just find it a shame that people can be so closed in a way...

Ah never mind

You'll be my mate wontcha cockular?!

Its just hit and miss - like a bizarre version of speed dating. Keep being yourself and being friendly and don't be put off. other friendly mums will come along. I do think sometimes they are run so ragged and so knackered by parenting that they just don't get round to this kind of thing.

Oh ta dizzy! Where do u live? If in east mids you are close by!

You don't appear to hold me in much regard so I'm a little surprised. Are you going to ask me to coffee?

yes human heart it is a weird world

It's the sheer unfriendliness I don't get

Never mind

Good old MN with all the loveliest mums!

I need to know a little more about you

Are you a lady? Where you live etc

You seem a bit strange... Who are you?!

And maybe I was a little pmt-ish the other day and a teeny tiny bit off on your timmy/Jane thread... So sorryyyyyyyy

Don't take it personally.

Some people just swap numbers on the spur of the moment because they've really enjoyed a chat with someone...but then meeting them 'in a cold light' so to speak (meaning other than a chance conversation) can be awkward for some people...or just one of those things you keep meaning to get round to.