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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that there us a lot of unfriendly women out there...

90 replies

MsKLo · 03/02/2011 22:48

Bit of background - in the past, I have made some wonderful friends in people I have met in places like baby cafes, toddler groups, though other friends, gym classes etc...

I am quite a chatty person and will happily chat to new people and if I meet some fellow mums etc who seem nice I may suggest let's meet for a coffee or let's meet with the kids etc...

Lately, I have met a few fellow mums and have suggested the same thing (not in a pushy way - just said, 'if you ever want to meet up for coffee or with the kids, let me know' ) and the said ladies have said 'yes, that would be nice' we exchange numbers and they then never text to arrange a meet up and then are even quite unfriendly!

Have I done the wrong thing in being friendly and suggesting a meet up?! Like I said, I have met some

great people this way! It's not that they have to follow up our chats with a coffee etc but it does seem thatthey don't even want to make an effort to be friendly! Maybe I do the wrong thing in suggesting a meet u

I don't do this a lot by the way! But sometimes when I meet a fellow mum etc who seems nice, I do and like
I said, I have met some lovely people this way - but lately - just a bunch of very unfriendly ones!

I don't feel like I should be so chatty anymore!

Aibu to think I have just met some really unfriendly people lately or should I have not been so chatty and suggested meetin up etc?!

OP posts:

bettybosseye · 04/02/2011 19:23

Your OP doesn't suggest that you've swapped numbers after a good while.But i don't mean to sound off with you. You sound like a good person but maybe just a bit full on. (in a good way)

SpeedyGonzalez · 04/02/2011 20:48

Piglet: "Speedy being chatty and bubbley does not mean that you drone on about yourselves,". That's right. That's why I asked the OP if she was that sort of person.

MrsKlo: There's no need to explain yourself again, you've already told us that you're not a drone!

I can sort of understand the predicament of those who say they have too many friends to fit more in. My preference is for fewer, closer friendships. However the place where I live is very friendly, so I have more friends than I can see regularly (to keep those close relationships going). So I'm currently trying to work out what to do, especially as I couldn't imagine closing my address book to newcomers.

Original poster

MsKLo · 04/02/2011 22:27

Me too speedy - I have some lovely friends and not nearly enough time to see them but I do also like meeting new people and if I feel there is a common interest etc I may suggest a meet up as I like to be open to new friendships etc - some of the nicest people I have met I have met this way!

Don't worry bossy! It's hard to fully explain In the initial posting sometimes what it is I as the OP wants to say!

OP posts:

Original poster

MsKLo · 04/02/2011 22:29

I dont think I am full on at all which is why if I do suggest a let's meet up sometime I do it in a way that is casual and deliberately not full on

Maybe it is more a cultural thing that I thought! Interesting to see how some people feel about it and aromatically assume I must be an 'in your face' character whereas I am just generally chatty and open with people!

OP posts:

usualsuspect · 04/02/2011 22:31

I would be your friend MsKLo

Original poster

MsKLo · 04/02/2011 22:37

Ahhh ta usual!

That's cause I is lovely I am! As are you!

Although a bit mad too... Me that is

Lol

OP posts:

allatsea1 · 04/02/2011 22:57

I don't think it's unfriendliness. If I had a nice convo with someone and they then asked for my number to meet up I'd get myself in a bit of a panic. I'd worry that the next time we met it would be awkward and maybe not quite as pleasant. It's not like that with old friends which is why people like me have problems making new ones. Also if you already have lots of friends it can be difficult enough finding time to arrange things with them, never mind someone new. I don't think you should stop being friendly though :)

FreudianSlippery · 04/02/2011 23:05

I got burned once, when DD turned 2 and I'd finally started getting more confident (had PND and was very isolated before this) I got chatting to a mum at the park and suggested exchanging numbers. I was SO proud of myself! I never got replies. It upset me and it was/is awkward when bumping into each other.

But actually, fuck it. Since then I've made loads more friends and it's happened gradually. Some people are more into chatting than others - I was surprised but happy recently when I finally met the mum of DDs friend and she immediately suggested a playdate :)

Don't worry - it'll happen.

LemonDifficult · 04/02/2011 23:10

I could be one of the women the OP is talking about. I am always saying to people 'yeah, it would be lovely to see you for coffee/lunch/trip to soft play/cinema/whatever'. I always mean it when I say it and yet it never happens.

This is because I have a 3yo and 1yo and life just seems to take over and get booked up. When I do go out it's often with old friends, ironically I then spend the evening thinking 'I've moved on from these people, I must make some more like minded Mummy friends'. Sigh.

allatsea1 · 04/02/2011 23:11

As daft as it sounds I think some people just don't know how to deal with bringing new people into their life and some can't be pestered with the effort it can take.

pigletmania · 04/02/2011 23:14

I dont have a lot of friends, just a few really fantastic ones that would do anything for me (and me back of course), they woudld be there in a crisis. Two I met through chatting to them at the gates of dd nursery, it developed over time and we exchanged numbers, met up and the rest is history. It is better to have a few really great friends than lots of fairweather friends. I have many other friends, not as close, that I dont see as often as they live far away, working, but we go back a long way from school, and meet up several times a year. I would never say never to meeting new friends, that would be really limiting, life is full of new experiences.

Original poster

MsKLo · 05/02/2011 06:23

That is certainly true piglet!

OP posts:

pigletmania · 05/02/2011 08:25

I sent you a message MsKlo , its great that you live nearby

Species8472 · 05/02/2011 10:38

I think I might one of these women as well OP!

I'm quite shy, so if even if someone seems friendly and suggests coffee etc, but there's no firm arrangement made I'm left thinking "do they really mean it or are they just being polite?" Some of them I know have family and friends locally, which I don't, as neither DH nor I are from the area, so I just think, well, they'll have loads of other things to do, why bother with me?

I need someone to really make a firm arrangement. I don't like to appear 'needy'.

Original poster

MsKLo · 05/02/2011 13:57

Aw thanks piglet! I will reply when I get to the computer later! X on my phone now and bf'ing my baby girl to sleep! Think I need a nap too!

Thanks for posting species - it is hard as don't want to appear intrusive but sometimes would like to meet up as they seem nice!

OP posts:

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