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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To really hate this dog?

105 replies

Needle · 02/02/2011 12:41

I should start by saying that i've never had a dog before, so this might be totally normal, but I need to ask, as i'm rapidly reaching my wits end.

My dh has a border collie, 6 years old, male, not neutered (sp?!). it is the neediest, most neurotic animal you will ever meet, and literally follows dh every step he takes. When dh goes to the loo he sits outside the door and whimpers till he comes out. When he leaves the house he sits by the door and howls for 20minutes. We can't leave any doors open, ever because he simply goes into a room, trashes it looking for food (he's perfectly well fed) then pisses on the wreckage. His favourite trick is to push against the bedroom or kitchen door till it opens then either go through the bin and shower rubbish everywhere or roll on our bed, so I'm having to change the sheets several times a week. He sheds like you wouldn't believe, I Hoover every other day and have to empty the cleaner everytime because it fills so fast.
Despite bring walked 4 times a day, if dh is half an hour late with his morning walk he'll simply s**t in the house. He bashes his way into our room every night and tries to get into bed with us and basically, I hate him. Is this what all dogs are like? I've got enough excrement to deal with from my 6m old daughter. This is pushing me over the edge!

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 02/02/2011 12:43

The dog has not been trained properly.

My dog is four and never wee's in the house he was trained.

He does follow me about because that is what dogs do with their owners, like a child who wimpers when their primary carer goes off somewhere.

If the dog was neutured it would calm him down a bit. A dog at aged 6 hormones are raging.

He shouldn't be shitting in the house, the problems you talk about are your partners fault not the dogs. They need to be taught.

Dogs are real intelligent and easy to train.

Clearly he has always slept with the dog, the dog sees you as a threat.

If the dog and partner come together maybe you should find yourself another boyfriend.

BeerTricksPotter · 02/02/2011 12:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bumpybecky · 02/02/2011 12:48

no, not all dogs are like this

YABU to hate the dog, it's not been trained properly and doesn't know any better

comewhinewithme · 02/02/2011 12:48

Sound like he has anxiety issues. If you google anxious dog you will get a lot of info.

Original poster
Needle · 02/02/2011 12:48

Seriously? Damn, I only ever had fish before!

Fwiw, he has never slept with the dog- we used to have a baby gate to stop him getting upstairs but we're in a flat now.

Clearly i'm just not a dog person. Sigh.

OP posts:
lesley33 · 02/02/2011 12:49

Not all dogs, but perfectly normal for a border collie. They don't make good pets unless you spend lots of time meeting their needs. They are bred to be working dogs.

Border collies need an incredible amount of exercise and are very intelligent and easily bored. They will destroy things if they are bored.

Many dogs will search avidly for food even if they are well fed. Some breeds seem to do this more than others.

Some dogs are insecure just like humans and a new baby may have increased the dogs insecurity levels. I think you need to look for specific advice on how to look after a border collie, so the dog is happier and doesn't cause you so many problems.

comewhinewithme · 02/02/2011 12:49

You can't blame the dog for shedding though Hmm.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 02/02/2011 12:50

You sound very unreasonable, OP. Dogs, like children, take a bit of care and work.

How would your partner feel about having the snip? The dog might well calm down as a result.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 02/02/2011 12:51

I meant the DOG having the snip, not your partner... sorry Confused

comewhinewithme · 02/02/2011 12:51

My dog headbutts the safety gate at night if we leave him downstairs, I'm too soft and let him up- Scooby-Doo is brave compared to him Grin.

BeerTricksPotter · 02/02/2011 12:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MattsBatt · 02/02/2011 12:55

Ask the vet to recommend a behavourist / dog trainer. You need some one-on-one sessions to deal with this.

Get the dog neutered.

They are expensive, but the Dyson animal-style vacuum cleaners are brilliant for pet hair.

If it's your DH's dog, he should vacuum up the dog hair. I do share your pain on this one, except in our house the dog is mine and it's me who does the hoovering! And yes, I do it at least 3 times a week as well. Dog hair is a nightmare.

Original poster
Needle · 02/02/2011 12:57

I know dh has tried to train him and has had collies before who've been fine, this one just hasn't taken to it as well as the others. I know dh would never have him snipped.
I guess i'm overreacting, but like I said, i've never had a dog and just find him so irritating!

OP posts:
Original poster
Needle · 02/02/2011 12:59

MattsBatt that's the Hoover we have too, I insisted on that! I would never ask him to hoover- we have very clearly divided jobs in our house!

OP posts:
Fantoosh · 02/02/2011 13:00

YANBU - not all dogs are like this but I would hate your dh's dog too. Sounds a right pain the arse. He really needs some training pronto.

Callisto · 02/02/2011 13:01

The dog sounds bored out of his brain. Collies should not be pets, they need too much exercise and stimulation.

You say he is walked 4x per day - how long is each walk and is he allowed off the lead?

Has your DH (or you) considered doing agility with him (collies are excellent at agility)?

Does he have a Kong or similar to keep him occupied when he is on his own?

Definitely get him neutered. It is so irresponsible not to, there are so many unwanted dogs in the world. His separation anxiety is something that can be worked on, but it will take time and patience.

I can totally see why you are pissed off with the situation, but please take it out on the person responsible - your DH.

Fantoosh · 02/02/2011 13:02

Oh and to be neutered asap.

Btw - nervous, trembly anxious dogs are the most likely to bite.

Your dh is being foolish. get that dog neutered asap.

PlasticLentilWeaver · 02/02/2011 13:02

If all dogs were like that, no one would have them as pets!

I'm not surprised you're finding it irritating. Definitely sounds like further training required - training should be life long, not just until DH decides it hasn't worked. Might also be worth using DAP with him in conjuction with training to help with some of the anxiety/stress type signs.

DublinMammy · 02/02/2011 13:03

This is your husband's fault, not the dog's fault. He clearly has separation anxiety as well as not being properly house-trained. As suggested by others, a trainer/ behaviourist is a necessary intervention as otherwise the dog will continue to be distressed and you will hate it.

As for the hairs, this is one reason why I have a non-shedding Lakeland Terrier. the other reasons are that terriers are the most fun dogs ever! It would be lovely if you could find some fun with your dog - it must be miserable for you all if you really hate it. Good luck!

coldtits · 02/02/2011 13:03

YANBU. This is whyI won't have a dog

momentsintime · 02/02/2011 13:04

Nope. Your DH dog isn't trained & it's not too late.he shouldn't be doing any of that- even his separation anxiety can be dealt with but sounds like the DH mightn't take kindly to it. Your dog will be much happier if you take him to some lessons so he learns his place in the pack ie after all humans incl the baby.his anxiety is coming out in his behaviour just like it would with a spoilt child.

ChippingInSmellyCheeseFreak · 02/02/2011 13:06

I don't think you are over reacting, I love dogs, but I couldn't live like that - I would be going demented! However, as I love dogs I would train him and walk him etc.

Your DH is being unreasonable, both in the way he is acting with the dog (allowing all of this behaviour) and with you, it is not reasonable to expect you to live like this - not at all. If I wasn't prepared to train the dog myself I would be putting some time limits on DH getting the problems sorted out.

Is DH planning on breeding from him? If not, why wont he have him neutered?

The poor dog needs more time, more attention and more training. How long/far are the walks? 4 times a day is great, but if it's only 5 minutes around the block it's not going to be enough.

Can you walk the dog in the day? (I'm presuming you are at home with the baby??)

ChippingInSmellyCheeseFreak · 02/02/2011 13:09

I have just read your other posts - you would never ask DH to hover? You have clearly defined jobs? You come after the dog?...

hellymelly · 02/02/2011 13:09

This is fairly typical border collie behaviour,and is why they only do really well in working environment with lots of stimulation.He sounds highly anxious which is a border collie problem and it to do with their extraordinarily high intelligence.He needs a lot more stimutaion and exercise(long off lead walks,rather than several short ones) by the sound of it.They are also often "one man" dogs and get very sad and upset alone or even with someone other than the person they are devoted to.I agree with more training,because the mental stimulation will help him and maybe will reassure you that he can change.I would call dogs trust and ask them for advice as to the best sort of training,they are usually very helpful.Feel sad for the dog as he sounds really unhappy,and also sympathise that with a baby a high maintenance dog can be very wearing.Not the dogs fault though.

Original poster
Needle · 02/02/2011 13:11

Urgh. See, this is why I kept fish!

Thanks all, I guess you're right about it not being the dogs fault, and I'm not helping by obviously hating him, I just find him sooo annoying, because he's always under my feet.

callisto 4x at least 30m and we live in the middle of a park, so he's never off the lead. When dh is around he's very obedient, he's just a bugger when dh is at work.

OP posts:
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