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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To really hate this dog?

105 replies

Needle · 02/02/2011 12:41

I should start by saying that i've never had a dog before, so this might be totally normal, but I need to ask, as i'm rapidly reaching my wits end.

My dh has a border collie, 6 years old, male, not neutered (sp?!). it is the neediest, most neurotic animal you will ever meet, and literally follows dh every step he takes. When dh goes to the loo he sits outside the door and whimpers till he comes out. When he leaves the house he sits by the door and howls for 20minutes. We can't leave any doors open, ever because he simply goes into a room, trashes it looking for food (he's perfectly well fed) then pisses on the wreckage. His favourite trick is to push against the bedroom or kitchen door till it opens then either go through the bin and shower rubbish everywhere or roll on our bed, so I'm having to change the sheets several times a week. He sheds like you wouldn't believe, I Hoover every other day and have to empty the cleaner everytime because it fills so fast.
Despite bring walked 4 times a day, if dh is half an hour late with his morning walk he'll simply s**t in the house. He bashes his way into our room every night and tries to get into bed with us and basically, I hate him. Is this what all dogs are like? I've got enough excrement to deal with from my 6m old daughter. This is pushing me over the edge!

OP posts:
LoopyLoopsPoopaScoop · 02/02/2011 13:57

Please take on board some of the excellent advice here, such as seeing a behaviourist, specialist training, neutering, agility classes, even rehoming. The dog is anxious and neurotic. This is not fair to him, not fair to you, and most certainly won't be fair to your baby, as she and he will have to battle it out as she grows as to who is higher in the pecking order.
Your husband is being irresponsible.

I am struggling to ignore your 'creepy' comment re men doing housework. Trying, yet struggling. Hmm

ElsieMc · 02/02/2011 13:59

Something not mentioned here - you have a young baby and this issue could be making the dog's behaviour worse. At the risk of offending dog lovers, I am sure you will keep an eye on your little one because my DH had a dog that eventually snapped at our DD.

That dog was a springer spaniel, the field trials type, which are similar in temperament (working dogs) to border collies.

We did everything mentioned by posters on this thread prior to him snapping, including walking him for up to seven miles at weekends and he was still as hyper when we got back. We worked with the springer rescue people, changed his diet etc. Sadly at the end of the day, we were the wrong owners for this dog.

We rehomed him through the Rescue and he went to a hunting, shooting, fishing, farming family.

It was many years before I would have another dog but we now have a chocolate labrador. She is a truly slothful, greedy pig with a bomb proof, affectionate temperament. She casts twice a year.

I think you need to re-home. Sorry.

mamatomany · 02/02/2011 13:59

until dh moved down to London he never pooed in the house

This I hope is the dog not DH ?
Our cat has taken to shitting in the house, it's not distressed, unwell, under or over fed the vets exact words to us were it is an animal you cannot expect human manners so if shitting on your bed is a problem you have to keep it outside, unfortunately you have a dog who is less independent but apparently you will have to spend half your waking hours with it outdoors :(

mamatomany · 02/02/2011 14:01

Actually that reminds me, my grandparents had a border collie who sat on me in the carrycot when i was 6 weeks old, it had pushed open the front door door and purposely sat in the carrycot rather than other available chairs or the floor.
Is rehoming out of the question ?

FabbyChic · 02/02/2011 14:05

It could also be possible the dog knows you don't like him, you need to fuss him yourself, make an attempt to like him and make him feel wanted.

lesley33 · 02/02/2011 14:08

Dogs do get very jealous so a new baby won't have helped this dog to feel happy and secure. I agree Elsie Labradors make lovely family pets. Rehoming may be the obvious answer, but it sounds as if your DH would be unhappy to do this.

Fantoosh · 02/02/2011 14:10

I agreewith Elsie - we had to rehome our nervous, anxious, flibbertyjibbet of a dog, after he snapped at our youngest. I witnessed the whole thing with my own eyes, and our dd simply crawled past - she did nothing unual the provoked the dog. He didn't bite, but it was enough to tell me that I couldn't ever leave the kids and the dog unsupervised and that presented a big problem. It's not practically do-able to keep them apart or be present every minute of the day. He had to go. It was very sad.

Callisto · 02/02/2011 14:15

So your husband is thinking about breeding from an 'untrainable' dog just because the dog is pretty? The more you post the more irresponsible your husband sounds tbh. Rehome the poor dog, fgs.

Original poster
Needle · 02/02/2011 14:42

Oh for heavens sake. He isn't untrainanable, as he's previously been fine, but over the last year he's been moved several times and some where down the line its gone wrong. He's a healthy, intelligent, handsome dog and I can perfectly understand my husband wanting to mate him.
Becoming him without making a concerted effort to improve his situation seems a little drastic.

OP posts:
Original poster
Needle · 02/02/2011 14:42

Rehoming, even.

OP posts:
Fantoosh · 02/02/2011 14:44

I agree Needle - I think Callisto's post there was unnecessarily harsh.

LDNmummy · 02/02/2011 14:47

As others have said, it has not been trained properly. Not the dog's fault so please don't feel peed off at it. Talk to you OH and hopefully you can get it sorted because I can see how it would drive you crazy.

Callisto · 02/02/2011 14:48

I think it is sad and wrong to breed more dogs when there are so many dogs in rescue centres already. And you are the one who slagged the dog off in the first place OP. We have all given you good advice and you've pretty much ignored it. Now you're leaping to the hated dogs defence with your last post, and I can't see why you posted in the first place.

I still feel sorry for the dog, and I still think your husband is irresponsible though.

CalamityKate · 02/02/2011 14:51

You're considering BREEDING from it?

Is this dog SUCH high quality, temperamentally and conformationally, and/or because he's proved himself to excel in a working/competition situation that you've got the owners of potential bitches beating a path to your door?

If not, mating it is unnecessary and irresponsible.

Rehome the poor thing.

CalamityKate · 02/02/2011 14:52

I don't think Callisto was too harsh at all.

Scuttlebutter · 02/02/2011 14:53

I think Callisto is being remarkably restrained, not harsh. This poor dog is in an environment where he is not getting enough exercise or stimulation, you resent cleaning up after him, and your DH thinks it would be a good idea to bring MORE pups into the world when he can't take good care of the dog he already has. FFS.

The dog needs to be neutered and your DH needs to man up and act responsibly. Plenty of previous posters with direct experience of owning BCs have given you good advice on training, agility, doing classes, increasing exercise etc. If you as a couple can't or won't do any of these, then the kindest thing to do is to contact BC rescue and get the poor creature rehomed to somewhere that can offer a responsible home with appropriate care for the dog.

Original poster
Needle · 02/02/2011 14:53

How have I ignored it? Because I haven't immediately run off to the vets to get him neutered? I have every intention of taking the advice offered. My OP was to find out whether my dislike of the dog was justified and I acknowledged very early on that it wasn't.

By the way, there are lots of babies in orphanages, but i'm still intending to bear my own. Is that wrong too?

OP posts:
MillyR · 02/02/2011 14:58

I've owned collies in the past and currently own springer spaniels. I really love my dogs but when I had a baby in the house I hated dogs; I sent one of my dogs to live with my parents when I had DS. So I quite understand that you may not be overwhelmed with love for this dog.

That said, the dog doesn't know it is your DH's dog and not your dog. Imagine the dog is like a toddler that lives with you. Your DH goes out, and you think, well I'm not really going to interact with the toddler because it isn't mine. Then when your DH comes in you sometimes don't want the toddler in the same room as him, because the toddler is DH's toddler and you want to spend time with DH without the toddler. That child would end up neurotic, as has this dog!

Dogs are highly social animals and if you are in the house with the dog, you need to interact with it in a somewhat loving way. The reason it follows DH around and cries when he isn't there is because DH is the only person who shows any interest in it, and that really isn't fair on the dog. How much of the dog's life is spent in the house with you there, but not DH?

As for keeping a collie on the lead at all times, that really needs to stop or the dog needs rehoming.

MusieB · 02/02/2011 14:59

Suggest you look into getting a Groomit dog grooming tool to deal with the shedding (can buy them online). Its amazing how much hair I can get out of our small terrier with one and it really helps to minimise amount of hair left around the house. They are sooo much better than any other grooming tool or brush I've ever used.

GloriaSmut · 02/02/2011 14:59

Border collies are not really house dogs and often struggle if not given something constructive to do because they are workers and thrive on being occupied. This dog clearly has not got enough to do and needs far more stimulation. Has your DH considered taking him to flyball or a similarly challenging activity? Only border collies are usually wonderfully quick to learn new things.

However, it is still not right for a 6 year old dog to be crapping and pissing in the house, regardless of whether it is neutered or not. This is a matter of training. Or lack of it.

My 6 year old Jack Russell (not neutered) prefers not to crap in his own garden, let alone anywhere in the house. He hasn't peed indoors since he was a pup either. But I am also a somewhat determined house-trainer of dogs - it is probably my only area of canine excellence!

However, it is quite usual for a dog to be attached to its human - if I turn round now I can see my terrier stretched out on the rug behind me, perfectly quiet and allegedly asleep. But when I go downstairs to make more tea in a minute he will follow. This is something dogs do.

This dog will know you don't like him and will be all the more likely to demonstrate neurotic patterns of behaviour. I don't believe in dominance theory (of the Jan Fennell variety) but I do think that a happy dog is one that respects its owner and that this respect is earned through the application of kind and consistent rules.

I don't blame you for struggling with a highly strung breed of dog and a baby though. It sounds as if your DH could be a deal more helpful too.

Original poster
Needle · 02/02/2011 15:00

Ooh, thanks MusieB. He'd probably enjoy that too.

OP posts:
Fantoosh · 02/02/2011 15:04

Yes, but you are all shouting at Needle!!

It is not her dog! Stop giving her a telling off! The dog is the dh's responsibility, and telling her crossly to rehome it isn't constructive. She can't - it's not her dog - she doesn't get to decide.

MillyR · 02/02/2011 15:07

Fantoosh, if an animal lives in a house, it is the responsibility of everyone in that house to treat it appropriately.

Dogs were created to have lots of juvenile traits. They need affection and attention from whoever is spending time with them.

RevoltingPeasant · 02/02/2011 15:08

Needle, yeah Musie's suggestion is really good. I groom my dog in front of the tv or with some music on so I don't get bored, but can easily take 40 min over it. It really relaxes her.

Also, hope I didn't sound aggressive earlier Blush IME dogs are very rewarding, IF you put effort into them. But I think MillyR is right, above; the dog will be feeling really unwanted and sad. If you bond with him a little you might be able to relieve that.

What do you think you will end up doing now?

BlueCollie · 02/02/2011 15:08

I have a Border Collie and he is 20 months old and a DS who is 14 months old. Our dog certainly doesn't behave like that and I would be doing soem serious training with him if he did. First off I would get his nuts removed and you should see a difference and agree with some other posts about a longer walk off lead than short ones. Can you not shut him in a smallish room at night? They won't shit where they sleep. No wonder you are going mad I would be as well. No way to live.