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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be proud of being and wife and to want to be acknowledged as such?

945 replies

WriterofDreams · 01/02/2011 12:41

I've read quite a few posts on MN from people who are annoyed, and quite rightly so, at being called "Mrs" when they're actually a Ms or Dr or some other title. I've actually found I have the opposite problem, where companies send me correspondence with the title "Ms" even though I put Mrs on any forms or letters I send. It also quite annoys me when I introduce my DH as my husband and people persist in calling him my partner. I chose to get married and being a wife is an important part of my identity that I would like to have acknowledged. I like being "Mrs DH's name" although I do draw the line at being called "Mrs Dh's first name Dh's second name," as I haven't actually changed my first name at all.

AIBU to expect companies and professionals to use the title I've actually selected rather than the PC catch-all one?

OP posts:
Megatron · 01/02/2011 16:26

Looking on the bright side there Posie. Smile

LeQueen · 01/02/2011 16:26

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Gemsy83 · 01/02/2011 16:28

Ive seen a picture- ebay do some fab dress gowns from Hong Kong I must say- suits you sir!

lifeinlimbo · 01/02/2011 16:30

LeQueen, actually thinking of the Queen, she always uses Her Royal Highness, which I much prefer. In fact I wish we had chosen HRH instead of Ms. (Maybe just Her Highness for non royals.) It works for both married and unmarried.

I want to be addressed as HH Limbo from now on, OK.

LeQueen · 01/02/2011 16:31

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MamaChocolat · 01/02/2011 16:31

wot a fuss. who cares? Twisted knickers or wot

LeQueen · 01/02/2011 16:32

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Gemsy83 · 01/02/2011 16:34

Not if you make your own- far more classy than off the peg mass produced tat with a 150% mark up, then i'd expect a royal like yourself to know this darling! Maybe ask people to address you as Walter Mitty, it would be more appropriate.

ThePosieParker · 01/02/2011 16:34

Sorry mlm....I got married just before the birth (as in four days) of my fourth child as I looked into my rights should anything happen, it wasn't good!!

Gemsy....You are coming across as either very nasty, or one of LeQ's closest friends and therefore taking the piss...

Gemsy83 · 01/02/2011 16:35

Not nasty no just sick of hearing the same person spouting such fantasist 'my life is so perfect/im so loaded/my husband my dog my kids my house...' when its clearly a load of cack.

TandB · 01/02/2011 16:35

What a bizarre thread. I don't personally care what title people choose to assign to me, as long as it isn't "You fool". In my profession most women retain their maiden name if that is what they went on the solicitors' roll under. We are also exclusively known as "Miss". I have only heard one lawyer being addressed as "Mrs" in court and she was slightly eccentric and notorious for having made an almighty fuss about this exact isse. Everyone scrupulously referred to her as "Mrs" with a snigger from then onwards.

I am not married. I get addressed as Ms Panda, Miss Panda, Mrs Panda, Miss DP, Mrs DP, Miss mis-spelled Panda, Mrs mis-spelled DP, the whole range. I also have a different name to my son who has DP's name. I can honestly say it does not trouble me in the slightest. I am surprised at people getting annoyed at midwives or teachers using a generic, catch-all term designed to prevent offence. They are not making any judgement about the relative importance of your marital status in the world at large, or to you personally - they are just imparting information as quickly and neutrally as possible.

I don't think marriage is anything to be particularly proud of. The relationship is what you should be proud of - married is just what it is called. It's not better than being partners, civil partners, common-law partners, whatever you choose to call it - it's just one of a range of ways to live your life.

If the status of being in a marriage is important to you in itself then that is nice for you, but by taking offence at some stranger failing to confer that status upon you I am afraid you do suggest that you think being married gives your relationship a higher standing than that of those who are not married. By getting all "ooh look at the defensive unmarried women" you rather reinforce it.

Be proud of anything you like, be happy to be married, but why insist that every passing stranger celebrates that with you every minute of your life?

swanandduck · 01/02/2011 16:36

In fairness, LeQ has been quite nasty too.

TandB · 01/02/2011 16:37

I want to see your wedding dress, LeQueen! I need to assess your good taste before employing Fellatio and LeQueen to knock down my stairs and re-paper my lounge....

BeerTricksPotter · 01/02/2011 16:38

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TandB · 01/02/2011 16:39

[Links arms with Beertricks and chants 'dress' 'dress' 'dress']

Witchofthenorth · 01/02/2011 16:39

It is a very nice dress, I had was really nosy little peek :o

meantosay · 01/02/2011 16:40

I really thought the days of people proudly calling themselves 'Mrs' had passed. It does smack of a Jane Austeney, now I'm a married lady and can look down on my spinster sisters, type thing. I am married but couldn't care less if I'm addressed as Ms or Mrs.

As for the posters who implied that people advocating Ms are just jealous and want to be married themselves..... beyond pathetic.

LeQueen · 01/02/2011 16:41

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BeerTricksPotter · 01/02/2011 16:41

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LeQueen · 01/02/2011 16:42

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LeQueen · 01/02/2011 16:43

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LeQueen · 01/02/2011 16:44

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TandB · 01/02/2011 16:44

Well that's a fat load of good to those of us using apple technology that won't recognise the link to profiles.

Forgot to say - all our mortgage correspondence goes to Bishop DP and Miss Panda. Someone clearly pressed the wrong button on a drop-down menu somewhere....

LeQueen · 01/02/2011 16:45

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Lizzylou · 01/02/2011 16:46

I'm with Kungfu, this is an odd thread Grin

FWIW I am married, not especially proud to be so, it doesn't define me as such. I am still the same person I was when DH and I co-habited without that piece of paper (though now I am also a Mother I suppose).

I am proud that I have a loving and happy relationship with my husband. My parents are on their 2nd divorce each and I certainly have not learnt from them how to stay faithful, loving and respectful to one other person for the past 14 years (married for 9 this year). I didn't think I had it in me to be honest.

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