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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be really jealous of my friend

48 replies

gingernutlover · 31/01/2011 07:23

she has just booked a fortnights holiday in the sun for her and her dp while her parents come and look after her 5 year old.

I soooooooooooo miss holidays in the sun Sad I know I should be pleased for her and I am really but can't help feeling really grumpy about it too ...

OP posts:
Chil1234 · 31/01/2011 07:27

I don't know.... A weekend without the children is lovely. But a whole fortnight seems rather self-indulgent. Aren't beach/sun holidays something families usually do together? Is it a special occasion like a honeymoon or something?

OutOutLetItAllOut · 31/01/2011 07:30

That is a long time without the children. How old are they? I couldnt manage 2 weeks without mine.

onceamai · 31/01/2011 07:32

Jealous feelings should be kept to yourself - they aren't nice and you don't know the reasons behind this little holiday.

Original poster
gingernutlover · 31/01/2011 07:41

they are tired - that is the reason, she is my best friend so yes I know that is the main reason, nothing else behind it.

the friend and her dp are the same age as me and my dh early 30's

I probably wouldnt want 2 weeks without my child no, just feel pretty jealous anyway but I'm obviously being totally unreasonable to feel this way.

Oh, and dont worry, I will keep it to myself - hence posting on here.

OP posts:
Original poster
gingernutlover · 31/01/2011 07:45

and yes chill1234 a weekend would be nice. I think I am more jealous about her parents being so willing to help than the actual holiday.

OP posts:
Nurserynurseandproud · 31/01/2011 07:47

Whats wrong with being self indulgent - I bet the ds has a fantastic time.

compo · 31/01/2011 07:49

You could have a week in thesun with the kids you know,loads of parents do
sun sea sand, the kids love it

Original poster
gingernutlover · 31/01/2011 07:53

ah yes I could compo and that would be nice too - although not relaxing in the same way but yes nice, if I didnt have to go during the school holidays - we cannot afford the exorbitant prices.

Our holidays for the last couple of years have been in caravans in england and it has tipped down for the entire week both times. This is not really about my friend is it lol, it is about me feeling fed up in general.

OP posts:
Longtalljosie · 31/01/2011 07:57

They'll miss her, it won't be the same as pre-children.

Look, some people are just lucky. How old are your DCs?

onceamai · 31/01/2011 07:58

You want a holiday in the sun and you are jealous your friend is having one. There are plenty of people who can't have a holiday in a caravan in England.

Original poster
gingernutlover · 31/01/2011 07:59

my dd is 5 - only child

yes she probably will miss her child, and phone me in tears in the middle of the holiday telling me how much she misses her child - like she did the last time (and that was only for a weekend) LOL, yes she may be lucky but has no common sense and no idea of how lucky she is I guess.

OP posts:
Goblinchild · 31/01/2011 08:01

Might help their marriage and relationship stay strong though. I feel very sad when children in reception have parents who have already split up.

Original poster
gingernutlover · 31/01/2011 08:01

Okay okay so I am a total bitch who should just be grateful for a week in a rainy caravan and next to no help from anyone.

Wish I had never posted, I can see now IABU, doesn't stop me feeling that way though.

OP posts:
Goblinchild · 31/01/2011 08:02

Jealousy is by definition unreasonable though. Grin

Original poster
gingernutlover · 31/01/2011 08:07

Yes I suppose it is Goblinchild.

Should have started a thread on how to be happier with what I have got I suppose, since there is nothing I can do to change it.

Thanks for your opinions everyone.

OP posts:
BalloonSlayer · 31/01/2011 08:12

YANBU, OP.

I wouldn't want to go away without the DCs either for that length of time, but it would be so nice if my Mum was the sort of Grandparent who would be willing to have the DCs for a night (or even an afternoon), or help out when I was working and one of the DCs was sick. Like her Mum did when she was working, which she now calls "interfering."

But she is a nice granny so I shouldn't complain really. Smile

spongefingerssavedmylife · 31/01/2011 08:16

YANBU. I'd hate to go away without the DCs, but it would be nice to know that we could if we wnated - ie that grandparents would have them. Have you thought about caravaning abroad? You can get crossings to Calais fairly cheaply, we did it last year.

cantspel · 31/01/2011 08:18

There is nothing wrong with feeling jealous, afterall it is a human emotion. It is how you handle it that matters.
So vent away if it makes you feel better so that you can then put on your happy face to your friend.

Original poster
gingernutlover · 31/01/2011 08:22

is it really that much cheaper still when you have to go in the school holidays spongefingers? If so it might be worth considering.

We have hired a privately owened caravan for the last couple of years - about £600 for the week, when I looked ages ago at french caravan sites they seemed to be quite a lot more than that and dh refuses to pay that much for staying in yet another caravan Sad

Yeah, I think this thread is more about me feeling let down by all the grandparents than being jealous of my friend. FIL and his wife do tons for the other grandchildren - including taking them away on hols with them! My mum will help but only if its for a "good reason" and her definition of that changes from week to week. My Dad is with a new partner and they also do tons for her grandson, and my MIL is very ill so obviously not an option to ask her for anything. I could understand if none of the granparents did ANYTHING AT ALL for any of their garndchildren - just feel sorry for DD and also for us that we seem to be the ones left out.

OP posts:
prettymuchapixiegirl · 31/01/2011 08:27

I would be jealous too, OP.

Don't feel bad about feeling jealous; my counsellor says that although we are all brought up to believe jealousy is wrong, it's actually fine to feel that way. The key, she says, is in admitting it and obviously how you act on it. If you were to just be horrible to your friend because deep down inside you were jealous, then that's not so good, but I think admitting you're jealous is fine and I don't think anyone should give you a hard time over it. Jealousy is a perfectly normal emotion!

Peachy · 31/01/2011 08:33

If you holiday in England go immediately teh hols start, we always go july for ds3's birthday and have many hot days recently.

We went away for a week when ds1 was tiny (honeymoon) and tbh I wouldn;t again- maybe a long weekend no more.

Original poster
gingernutlover · 31/01/2011 08:38

the year before last we went the first week of the summer hols - it rained all week, thunderstorn the night we got there

last year we went middle of august, it rained all week except for about 2 hours on the last day.

I dont think going on any one particular week can guarantee the wether in England unfortunatly

have had a quick look at siblu and looks like a caravan for the week is about £900 plus ferry crossings and petrol, my friend has got her fortnight all inclusive in the sun for £1500 - bloody school holiday prices Angry

OP posts:
BaroqueAroundTheClock · 31/01/2011 08:38

I wouldn't be so sure that because she's your best friend that you know the real reason. As my BF didn't realise until the day I told her we split up how bad things were in my marriage Shock (I had just skirted over the issues).

Goblinchild.........I had a child in reception when I split up with exH...........however I also had a child in YR3......

woollyideas · 31/01/2011 08:39

I'd be envious too! (You are not jealous, BTW, you are envious and I'm a pedant!)

I can never afford to go on holiday and have no family support whatsoever, so would feel like you do. I'm sure you're not going to let this get in the way of your friendship with her and you just came on here to vent, so in that respect I would say YANBU!

Lamorna · 31/01/2011 08:40

I wouldn't want 2 weeks away from a 5 yr old if it was just holiday. I admit it is nice to have time away and lovely for the DC to stay with grandparents, but not if it is the main holiday.

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