Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to think DH is being a childish twat?

96 replies

MildredTheMagnificent · 30/01/2011 20:38

...he is currently sulking in the bedroom over this.

Earlier this evening he was folding up DD's clean duvet - she (6yo) was egging him on to throw it at/over her - so he did - not unfolded and gently, but folded up and straight in her face from about 4 feet away.

He hadn't noticed she had a spoon in her mouth as was eating a yoghurt, and jarred it which hurt her a little bit - these things happen and as I said she'd been egging him on, but I think he was daft to throw it like that, especially as she wears glasses too.

I told him as much and he has stormed off to our bedroom, been frosty with DD, and accused me of always 'siding' with and 'smothering' her. Apparently if she's upset I should let her get on with it so she 'toughens up'.

I told him that I was bought up with unconditional love and support when I wanted/needed it and that was they way I would bring up my daughter.

Obviously it's all got well out of hand for such a relatively trivial thing, but was I really so unreasonable to call him on it for doing something so daft? He has 2 brothers and his mum is quite anti-women so I just don't think he knows how to relate to females tbh.

OP posts:
gordyslovesheep · 30/01/2011 20:41

erm well sulking in his room IS childish - did you send him there

as for the rest - he was playing with your daughter - I wouldn;t have had a fit over it - these things happen and yes if you 'told him as much' in front of her while doing a big show of 'poor little you' I'd be livid if I where him

altinkum · 30/01/2011 20:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Changing2011 · 30/01/2011 20:42

yes he is a twat - obviously she wanted him to unfold it and drape it over her... why on earth would a man throw a folded up duvet cover at a little girl!

AgentZigzag · 30/01/2011 20:43

YANBU, I can't stand sulkers, or people who take out their strop on their children.

Wow, his mum's 'anti-women', how does that manifest itself with her being a woman and all?

tomhardyismydh · 30/01/2011 20:45

he is being silly and needs to grow up. throwing a duvet in anyones face is a step to far but a child, why would he do that? yanbu for calling him on this one.

Original poster
MildredTheMagnificent · 30/01/2011 20:45

I am having some issues with him at the moment, so perhaps was a bit OTT. I didn't scream at him, just said "that was a bit of a daft thing to do" - was more worried about the glasses than anything. I wear specs myself and am very sensitive about anything coming near my face. He also tends to throw things when he's in a bad mood (not at anyone just 'around' and not all the time) I am probably being a bit oversensitive.

Don't think it's fair of him to take it out on her though Sad

OP posts:
Changing2011 · 30/01/2011 20:45

no he sounds very childish.

alfonzo · 30/01/2011 20:46

I think YABU, it was an accident and it sounds like you told him off as you would a child in front of your dd.

AgentZigzag · 30/01/2011 20:46

Do 'females' have a special way they have to be dealt with?

I thought we were just like normal people.

Learn something new every day.

Original poster
MildredTheMagnificent · 30/01/2011 20:47

MIL - bad relationship with own mother, no sisters, no daughters, no friends really - let alone female ones. She is OK with my 2 SIL's cos they are high-flyers and earn loadsamoney, which is the be all and end all as far as she's concerned. As for me...let's just say I don't think we'll be having any girly days out any time soon!

OP posts:
Original poster
MildredTheMagnificent · 30/01/2011 20:48

Changing - it wasn't the cover - it was the whole 10.5 tog duvet!

OP posts:
tomhardyismydh · 30/01/2011 20:49

I dont think you are!! a grown man who cant control his temper is a bit worrying to be honest. he should not continue to his mood out on your daughter that is very off.

he needs anger managment, tbh I would not live with someone who was so unpredictable.

Original poster
MildredTheMagnificent · 30/01/2011 20:51

He's tried anger management a few years back. After 2 session he and his 'therapist' came to the conclusion that he wouldn't have a problem with his anger if I "didn't piss him off so much" Shock

Don't think we'll be revisiting that idea tbh...

OP posts:
Changing2011 · 30/01/2011 20:57

I would be seriously worried if my partner was rough with our daughter. It hints at uncontrolled aggression.

AgentZigzag · 30/01/2011 20:57

'if I "didn't piss him off so much"

Don't take any responsibility for his anger OP Angry (or mine Grin)

Using the word 'females' sounds a very 'certain type of man' way of describing women, reducing them to a biological entity IMO.

tomhardyismydh · 30/01/2011 20:58

lost for words, well you cant piss him off too much living seperatly can you Wink

ChippingInSmellyCheeseFreak · 30/01/2011 20:59

Mildred - YANBU, how bloody stupid to throw a duvet at a small child, in the face, especially if she wears glasses and had a spoon. Clearly she wanted to play and he was just being an arse - I would have said the same as you.

If he regularly still throws things in anger (not saying this was 'in anger') then he would be attending another Anger Management course or the divorce court. I wouldn't live with him like this. Has it escalated?

Therapist - did the therapist tell you that or did he?????

Original poster
MildredTheMagnificent · 30/01/2011 21:00

He's not rough with her - it was intended as a bit of 'rough and tumble' play I'm sure and I have no problem with that. My uncle was a soldier and was forever throwing me around and having tickle fights with me and my cousin when we were kids - he was very aware of his own strength and knew when to stop and it was great fun - I'm not suggesting all girls are delicate little flowers to be wrapped in cotton wool!

It's more DH's behaviour and attitude afterwards that bother me.

OP posts:
Original poster
MildredTheMagnificent · 30/01/2011 21:04

tom and chipping - we are very much headed that way, although he is unaware of how I feel at the moment. That's one of the reasons I posted tbh. I am aware that I am 'playing along' with our life at the moment and suspect I may be picking more on relatively small things just for the sake of venting.

He is not all bad - I suspect his upbringing was not all it could have been in certain ways, but I can't be sure as he never talks about his childhood. He is completely in denial about other family-related issues I've raised with him so I can't see us geeting to the bottom of it unfortunately, which as you've said only really leaves one option.

OP posts:
Original poster
MildredTheMagnificent · 30/01/2011 21:06

Chipping - he told me that. He is very unwilling to take any kind of responsibility for his behaviour or attitudes - or even discuss doing so.

He 'got a few things off his chest' to me last week, and when I suggested it was my turn to do likewise the following day, he looked at me as if I was completely insane and pretty much stonewalled any subject I tried to bring up.

OP posts:
tomhardyismydh · 30/01/2011 21:06

there is a big difference in rough and tumble, knowing when to stop, knowing your own strength and A man who has no contol of his own behaviour. he has proved he does not posses the skills to implement when to stop otherwise, he would have appologised. embrasee your dd and made it clear to her it was an accident. not just given her the cold shoulder as a result of his own poor judgment, how can a child trust somone who does not make thier relationship reliable.

Original poster
MildredTheMagnificent · 30/01/2011 21:09

He was ok with her when she went to bed, but she shouldn't be having to come to me and say 'Please will you talk to daddy for me before I go to bed," should she?

OP posts:
brightlightsandpromise · 30/01/2011 21:10

What bothers me is the fact that he sulked off and told you that you should leave your DD to "toughen up". If my DP were to be messing about with DD and hurt her, he would be mortified and fall over himself to comfort her and say sorry, even if she were egging him on. I think the act itself was a momentary act of silliness where he probably didn't think it through, it happens. As for "if you didn't piss him off so much" what are you supposed to do, tread on egg shells for the rest of your life because he has "anger management" issues, the only issues he has is that he is a twat.

Throwing things in anger - totally unacceptable, even if isn't aimed directly at you it just demonstrates that he has lost control and would have me wondering what was next - i imagine everyone shuts up when he starts throwing things. He sounds like a spoilt brat, and a bully :(

tomhardyismydh · 30/01/2011 21:12

If I where you Op I would talk with him tomorrow about his reaction and how you are truelly feeling and put it to him to try counceling or relate together. sounds like you do not want to give up on this relationship. But if you do not face it head on it may well be irrepairable. if you need to give him a chance to change ensure it is the right steps with 100% from him. Its easy for him to tell you his therapist says it is you. but frankly I dont think thats true. If you enter into support together at least you will know his comitment to changing this behaviour, as it is not acceptable and you know that already.

brightlightsandpromise · 30/01/2011 21:13

Mildred, i think your last post says it all - your DD was too scared (not necessarily of physical repercussion) to go and talk to her daddy before she went to bed. That is heartbreaking. HE should be talking to her and saying sorry to her - bastard

Swipe left for the next trending thread