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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

...to think DH is being a childish twat?

96 replies

MildredTheMagnificent · 30/01/2011 20:38

...he is currently sulking in the bedroom over this.

Earlier this evening he was folding up DD's clean duvet - she (6yo) was egging him on to throw it at/over her - so he did - not unfolded and gently, but folded up and straight in her face from about 4 feet away.

He hadn't noticed she had a spoon in her mouth as was eating a yoghurt, and jarred it which hurt her a little bit - these things happen and as I said she'd been egging him on, but I think he was daft to throw it like that, especially as she wears glasses too.

I told him as much and he has stormed off to our bedroom, been frosty with DD, and accused me of always 'siding' with and 'smothering' her. Apparently if she's upset I should let her get on with it so she 'toughens up'.

I told him that I was bought up with unconditional love and support when I wanted/needed it and that was they way I would bring up my daughter.

Obviously it's all got well out of hand for such a relatively trivial thing, but was I really so unreasonable to call him on it for doing something so daft? He has 2 brothers and his mum is quite anti-women so I just don't think he knows how to relate to females tbh.

OP posts:

tomhardyismydh · 31/01/2011 22:26

you need to contact womans aid, there is a way out and support availible for you mildred

brightlightsandpromise · 31/01/2011 22:27

i think you need to take some proper advice, i dont really know about this sort of thign, there are, sadly, many posters who have had to leave their partners or make their partners leave them. I think maybe take a step back from this thread now as whatever you do has to come from your own mind, think about what you want and where you want to be in a few years time and go about making it happen, stay or go.

CarGirl · 31/01/2011 22:28

Like it or lump it, your married and you'll get 50% share of the equity of the house if not more. You are prime carer, he doesn't stand a chance.

Start building yourself a departure fund it makes life much much easier to rent if you can put down a deposit.

Original poster

MildredTheMagnificent · 31/01/2011 22:34

I've been thinking about it for some months and the advice I've taken is 'proper advice'. Just having the courage of my convictions now.

I really appreciate the support & feedback I've had from some of you. If you'd told me when I was 18 I'd put up with tripe for so long I'd doubt myself I would've laughed my head off.

At least I seem to be getting the old me back, and while I'm still young enough to make the most of it (touch wood)!

Will probably see if I can get this thread deleted tomorrow though, just to be on the safe side. I'm sure I'll be back though!

OP posts:

AgentZigzag · 31/01/2011 22:35

If you've kind of decided you might want to leave him, and have the luxury of time on your side, it might be worth posting a thread in relationships about what you need to get together?

Even if you haven't decided for definate, it'll give you options you haven't thought of and might help make up your mind.

AgentZigzag · 31/01/2011 22:36

x-posts there.

Original poster

MildredTheMagnificent · 31/01/2011 22:37

CarGirl - that's what I've been told 'officially' too.

I have a timespan in mind and my parents are willing and able to help me with deposit for rental property.

New life here I come!

OP posts:

brightlightsandpromise · 31/01/2011 22:38

best of luck mildred xxx

AgentZigzag · 31/01/2011 22:39

Good luck with your new life

CarGirl · 31/01/2011 22:42

Best of luck - you could always move this thread to off the beaten track so at least "us" on the thread so far could keep encouraging you.

Start decluttering, sell stuff on ebay, do car boot sales all cash you can save and less to leave behind. I'm assuming he isn't going to move out in a hurry when you serve the divorce papers!

Original poster

MildredTheMagnificent · 31/01/2011 22:47

There's no chance of him moving out full stop, but he could pay me my share with the help of MIL!

I'd rather move on and start afresh elsewhere anyway. Our house is too big & expensive to run for me on my own even if that were an option.

OTBT sounds like a good idea - would be nice to still have some support. Expect I will need it in a few months time...!

OP posts:

CarGirl · 31/01/2011 22:53

TBH I agree, there's a lot to be said for a fresh start and a smaller more economical place. He will have no right to enter from day one etc etc

thumbdabwitch · 31/01/2011 22:54

MIldred - so sorry your H is still being an arse, but sounds like it's par for the course so I am glad you are setting the wheels in motion to leave him. He sounds very selfish and arsey.

Cargirl has some excellent advice there.

Original poster

MildredTheMagnificent · 31/01/2011 23:04

Thanks everyone! Will keep you posted.

OP posts:

MadAboutQuavers · 31/01/2011 23:32

Wishing you all the best Mildred.

Sorry it's come to this, but you and your DD deserve better!

TyraG · 01/02/2011 07:19

Mildren, I've been reading the thread and I hope you are able to get your and your DD out and into a healthier environment for the both of you.

Good luck and keep us posted!

TyraG · 01/02/2011 07:19

Dangit, that should say Mildred. Friggin crazy fingers.

InPraiseOfBacchus · 01/02/2011 09:59

All the best, Mildred. Be strong, I hope you have plenty of people to love and help you along the way.

ChippingInSmellyCheeseFreak · 01/02/2011 12:08

Mildred - I'm sorry it has come to this, but at the same time I'm glad you have made this decision. He's a selfish twat who only thinks of himself in any given situation. I am really pleased that you are looking forward to your future (without him) - hold on to that when it's difficult and he's telling you how much he can change (if he does, he's that selfish he may not!!).

Make sure you get all your 'ducks in a row' and don't do yourself out of anything along the way!!

monkeyflippers · 01/02/2011 12:15

Sorry to hear you will be splitting up. It's impossible to have a relationship with someone that you can't even talk to! And his sulking and refusing to take any responsibility makes it impossible.

Would you consider chucking him out? I know you can't afford to stay in the house long term (even if he paid what he legally has to?) but it might give you time to sort of something else.

fiveisanawfullybignumber · 01/02/2011 12:39

Only just found this Mildred, sorry you've going through all this. You sound like me 16 years ago. Best thing I ever did was to go for it on my own, it was very tough and quite lonely with 2 small DC's but a more peacefull and less hostile environment. I knew it was the final straw when he started punishing Dc's and/or using them as weapons against me.
You have the added support of us MNers now.

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