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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to say, well actually no you dont.

103 replies

OutOutLetItAllOut · 30/01/2011 16:42

posted a while ago about a friend who was having a gastric band.
background, she was 17 stone. through lack of exercise and eating everything that sat still. she kept saying she didnt know why she was big, but it was not her fault. went to dr, who told her to try xyz, she didnt, went back, lied, said she had done all they asked of her. they eventually gave her a gastric band. she done nothing to loose the weight properly, until they said she had to be under 16 to be allowed the op.
well she has had it.
and now she is driving me mad.
she eats constantly.
all shit.
then moans.
im trying to loose weight, the 'normal' way. and she keeps telling me she knows how hard it is.
no love you dont.

OP posts:
bubblewrapped · 30/01/2011 16:44

she sounds a total prat

mutznutz · 30/01/2011 16:44

Is there a little bit of jealousy that she was able to do it the easy way? I must say, you don't speak very highly of your 'friend'?

Original poster
OutOutLetItAllOut · 30/01/2011 16:45

it was an easy way, but thats her choice, and since she has had it she has done nothing but moan about it. how hard it was to recover etc. well it was a choice!

OP posts:
Original poster
OutOutLetItAllOut · 30/01/2011 16:46

and it is annoying me that she is eating shit all the time, after having this op to try to loose weight, and still moaning she is not loosing.
she is gonna make herself ill and she wont sodding well stop.

OP posts:
anonacfr · 30/01/2011 16:46

I don't get it. I thought the band reduced the stomach size and meant that people ate tiny portions. Is she moaning cos she's in pain?

TheMonster · 30/01/2011 16:47

You sound like a lovely, supportive friend Hmm

mutznutz · 30/01/2011 16:47

Is your own weight gain due to over eating and lack of excersise too, or is it due to illness? If it's the latter then I can understand how you feel to an extent but I still think you sound bitter towards her.

Original poster
OutOutLetItAllOut · 30/01/2011 16:48

no its my own fault, so its up to me to loose it, not up to the nhs to pay for it to be done.

OP posts:
earwicga · 30/01/2011 16:50

I hope your 'friend' soon sees you are not a friend at all.

Original poster
OutOutLetItAllOut · 30/01/2011 16:50

body, i would have supported her if she had atleast tried. but she lied to the dr, and the nutritionalist ( or dietician, cant remember what the womans title was), and now she is still moaning that it isnt as easy as she thought it would be.
i tried to talk her out of doing it.
offered to join a gym with her, to go to weight watchers with her. but she thought this woudl be a simple option, and it isnt.

poster said when i posted that i was worried about her, that she sounded like the type that would liquidise mars bars, and it seems she is going that way.

OP posts:
mutznutz · 30/01/2011 16:52

So you both became overweight for the same reason...in your own words through lack of exercise and eating everything that sat still

But you're angry because she got given a gastric band and hasn't changed her eating habits and attitude towards food?

gordyslovesheep · 30/01/2011 16:53

not sure what you want people to say though ... well done you for being right - have a gold star?

she's lucky to have such a good friend?

crashingwaves · 30/01/2011 16:53

I can understand the points you're making here but I'm going to admit here and now that I have had a gastric band fitted.

I was a normal size (about 9 stone 7 pounds) before getting pregnant, and just under 11 stone (10 stone 11 pounds) when I gave birth, and I am 5'3 inches. I put on LOADS when DS was tiny though, I just ate all the time, I'd phone and order a pizza after eating lunch because I felt I needed it, I ate chocolate and crisps and cake in the evening.

In desperation I went on a meal replacement plan and it worked, I got down to my pre-pregnancy weight and then I put it back on again ... I was FURIOUS with myself (still am!) I knew what I was doing was complete self destruct but I couldn't stop. I got a gastric band (went about the balloon in fact) and I was 13 stone, 6 pounds when it was fitted.

The gastric band is NOT an easy fix, anyone who thinks that it is honestly needs to live in my shoes for a day and see what it is actually like. The thing is that after the operation you can only drink shakes/soups and most people lose a lot then. I lost just under a stone in the first week and that was obviously with not as much to lose as your friend.

The thing is that the band doesn't stop you feeling hungry. I thought it did: it does not. I thought after eating a small amount I would have a nice full feeling in my tummy, like after a nice Sunday roast with a pudding. You don't. What you get it after a few mouthfuls especially if it's doughy food like a sandwich, or even something that isn' t mushy, like fruit, is THE most horrible sensation that your chest is tightening and you can't breathe ... and the only way to relieve it is to puke. The problem is you're still hungry, your stomach is still saying "feed me" ... so you have to eat SOMETHING and some foods slip down a lot easier than others.

So yes you are being unreasonable although I understand why you say these things. I think though if you have a lot of weight to lose you can feel so unhappy and desperate you just feel like you'll do something, anything ... and also because the band is not an easy fix. Trust me, anybody with a band will struggle the same way a normal dieter will: they don't just sit back and get on the scales every week and watch the numbers drop, I wish it worked like that and I once thought it did. But it doesn't. I hate mine, I wish I'd never had it done but I did and I now have to live with the consequences.

MorticiaAddams · 30/01/2011 16:54

YANBU and I think you are annoyed because you have taken responsibility for yourself and control of your weight and she still hasn't when it's being handed to her on a plate.

I have had major surgeries and don't tend to have a forgiving attitude towards this kind of thing in general.

Original poster
OutOutLetItAllOut · 30/01/2011 16:55

yes. i am.
she had this op,she has not changed her attitudes at all.
she was with me this morning.
she ate rubbish food. and constantly does it.
which, if she wants to she can. but then she mmoans that she is in pain, and that she feels sick, and that she is not loosing weight.
well no shit sherlock, you wont.
her dr has told her she will make herself ill.
but she will not listen. she is going to make herselg so ill.

OP posts:
hoovercraft · 30/01/2011 16:56

Why should an operation change her attitude? Was it grain surgery?

TheFallenMadonna · 30/01/2011 16:57

TBH, I think having a gastric band is losing weight the hard way really.

hoovercraft · 30/01/2011 16:57

brain

Original poster
OutOutLetItAllOut · 30/01/2011 16:57

crashing, i have no issue with people having this surgery. if you are willing to take teh risks with it, then it is your choice.
my issue is her lack of thought to the whole thing.
her whole family told her it was a bad idea.
she will not cook, still. she thinks she can still love on take aways and crap. it will not work unless she also puts the effort in. but she thinks it should all be easy.

OP posts:
Original poster
OutOutLetItAllOut · 30/01/2011 16:58

no hoover, but if you are willing to take the risk of surgery, wouldnt you try to follow all the reccomendations? to actually listen to the drs advice?

OP posts:
hoovercraft · 30/01/2011 16:58

The poor girl should have been assessed properly. Saying she lied is a cop out...of couyrse she did, they all do. The onus is on the hcp to assess the patient properly, including psychological aspects.

Ragwort · 30/01/2011 16:58

YANBU - as Crushingwaves says it is a horrible experience - a friend of mine was the same as the OP's friend, didn't bother to exercise or eat sensibly; she had a band fitted - lost loads of weight - and then couldn't cope so had the band removed - (not sure if it was NHS or not) - all weight put back.

belgo · 30/01/2011 16:59

Crushingwaves - that sounds awful. Didn't Anne Diamond had a gastric band that didn't work? It sounds an awful operation, and dangerous as well especially if you are already very overweight.

OP there's not really very much you can do about your friend. She must know the risks and she will have to live with the consequences.

mutznutz · 30/01/2011 17:00

her dr has told her she will make herself ill
but she will not listen. she is going to make herselg so ill

Did you listen to anyone who told you that you're going to make yourself ill by over eating? The strain on your heart, joints, increased risk of diabeties etc?

The fact is, gastric band or not...lots of people don't change their attitude and eating habits when they lose weight...hence the reason they put it back on again and end up on another 'diet'

Unless you both eat less, eat healthy and excerise lots...you're both in the same boat. I don't see how you being without a gastic band can make you so sanctimonious?

Original poster
OutOutLetItAllOut · 30/01/2011 17:02

hoover, i think her issues with food needed to be addressed, properly, i asked her to get councilling. the way she eats its like an addiction. and that has to have some root.
but she knew some one who had the op before and they basically toldher what to say in the meetings, so she was able to get through.
she was made to fill in diet sheets, and lied on them.

OP posts:
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