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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to say, well actually no you dont.

103 replies

OutOutLetItAllOut · 30/01/2011 16:42

posted a while ago about a friend who was having a gastric band.
background, she was 17 stone. through lack of exercise and eating everything that sat still. she kept saying she didnt know why she was big, but it was not her fault. went to dr, who told her to try xyz, she didnt, went back, lied, said she had done all they asked of her. they eventually gave her a gastric band. she done nothing to loose the weight properly, until they said she had to be under 16 to be allowed the op.
well she has had it.
and now she is driving me mad.
she eats constantly.
all shit.
then moans.
im trying to loose weight, the 'normal' way. and she keeps telling me she knows how hard it is.
no love you dont.

OP posts:
compo · 30/01/2011 18:12

The thing is if you want to stay good friends with her you have to move past your frustration with her
so tell her that you no longer want to talkaboyt diets and losing weight all the time ( i mean it's really dull, why are women so obsessed with it)
tell her you'll happily go to the gym with her or on bike rides but the incessant diet talk is making you depressed

Original poster
OutOutLetItAllOut · 30/01/2011 18:16

You sound like you have tried all avenues and this is your last option. If you take all advice and try the lesser of the evils first and are willing to try, then do whatever you have to to get the results. You have looked into it all. You are not jumping blindly onto what you think is a quick fix. I know why i am fat. I eat to much, more to little. But she doesnt see it. She honestly thinks her relationship with food is normal.

OP posts:
Original poster
OutOutLetItAllOut · 30/01/2011 18:17

She, in total, has lost 2.5 stone. That includes the weight they made her loose before the op.

OP posts:
Casserole · 30/01/2011 19:10

OP, I'd feel exactly the same as you, for what it's worth.

Also just wanted to say crashingwaves I found your posts really thought provoking, challenging and moving. I've often had idle fantasties about a gastric band being the answer to all my problems! So thanks for challening that.

ShirleyKnot · 30/01/2011 19:17

LOSE not LOOSE

If you're going to slag someone off so viciously at least spell it correctly FFS.

I think I might be due an MN break, I am sick to the back teeth of all of this shitty whining about how someone else is getting something I'm not getting wah wah! Do you want a sodding gastric band OP? do you want to have to eat tiny amounts of food?

Jesus.

catinthehat2 · 30/01/2011 19:28

Hey Shirl!
Words on a screen remember
Also, you missed this post - OP wrote this @ 17.07: "i love the very bones of her.
she is my kids god mother. she is the best friend i know.
but she is making herself ill.
and she will not listen.
her mum is worried about her.
i offered to go to weight watchers, or slimming world with her, i offered to join a womens only gym with her, i asked her to get councilling b4 the op, to try and see the root of any problems.
she wouldnt do any of it."

deste · 30/01/2011 19:39

My sister had a gastric band fitted and has in fact gained weight. The minute it was fitted it was her against the gastric band. I think she wanted to prove that really it wasn't her that was the problem, she genuinely could not lose weight. To be honest she does not eat that much (less than me) and she tells me to give her smaller portions but she keeps gaining.

thumbdabwitch · 30/01/2011 19:42

deste - I bet you'll find your sister eats more than you think - she probably eats in secret.

QODthesurrogacytrendsetter · 30/01/2011 20:13

WHen I researched it, it is something like 60% of gastric bands fail - they convert to gastric bypass or get it taken out/unfilled. Waste of time for me at my age. They do work, then can work but tyou have to work with it much harder than you'd think.

FairhairedandFrustrated · 30/01/2011 20:30

QOD, if you don't mind me asking, what's the difference between a band and a bypass? {dim}

And Deste, I agree with thumbwitch :(

Appletrees · 30/01/2011 20:32

what a total waste of public money

QODthesurrogacytrendsetter · 30/01/2011 21:03

yeah cheers appletrees ...

Fairheaded - a band is like a small ruber ring round a the top part of your stomach, you can't eat much at a time as it's about 1/5 of the size. But you have to have them filled & adjusted with saline to make it tighter/looser etc.

Bypass is literally disconnecting the stomach. They make a thumb sized pouch instead, your food goes out down the intestine but lower down. Less absorption possibilities. The stomach is still attached to the intestine so the gastric juices etc drip down into the intestines. It's permanent, and it works. You can only eat small amounts and it takes 4 to 6 months to eat proper food again. You lose about 70% of your excess fat.
I don't drink (only socially), I don't smoke, I don't have diabetes or high bp or cholesterol. I have had an underactive thyroid for years and I have PCOS and had 2yrs of failed fertility tment during which time I put on a couple of stone.

Appletrees · 30/01/2011 21:16

glad you agree what a total waste of public money it is

QODthesurrogacytrendsetter · 30/01/2011 21:24

fuck off appletrees and when you get to where you've fucked off to - fuck off again.

I've always wanted to say that - it was fun :o

Appletrees · 30/01/2011 21:40

fuck off to you too

losing weight is fucking cheap

gastric bands for people like the op's friend are a total waste of money

Appletrees · 30/01/2011 21:41

and fuck off to anyone who can't be arsed to lose weight themselves so that public money has to be spent on them rather than disabled chidlren, elder care etc etc and so on

QOD · 30/01/2011 21:50

Yes dear.

Appletrees · 30/01/2011 22:04

Priorities, priorities. Mine are those realy in need. Yours are different. So be it.

Gogopops · 30/01/2011 22:22

Was this done on the NHS?

TyraG · 31/01/2011 06:49

hoovercraft to say that "everyone lies on diet sheets" is a load of shit. The girl the OP is talking about did, and maybe you would, but not EVERYONE is a liar.

In 2003 I had the gastric bypass surgery after years of trying every diet/weightloss regime I could find and only ever losing a total of 40lbs. I went in for a consultation to see if I was a good candidate for the surgery.

I met with a physician, a nurse, a nutritionist and a psychologist. Even after that I had to do an 8 week trial period to see if I could adhere to a strict diet. I documented everything I ate, how much water I drank and how much exercise I did and I never once lied on the sheet. After the 8 weeks, I went back in and they went over my sheets with me and we talked about how I'd lost 10lbs during that period. They said they are always able to tell when people lie because there's no weight loss.

gorionine · 31/01/2011 07:00

hoovercraft Sun 30-Jan-11 16:58:45

The poor girl should have been assessed properly. Saying she lied is a cop out...of couyrse she did, they all do. The onus is on the hcp to assess the patient properly, including psychological aspects.

I totally agree with you, she seems to have very big issues arround food and needs help, not judging.

Op, you probably do mean well but I do not think you are helping much.

hoover, i think her issues with food needed to be addressed, properly, i asked her to get councilling. the way she eats its like an addiction. and that has to have some root.
but she knew some one who had the op before and they basically toldher what to say in the meetings, so she was able to get through.
she was made to fill in diet sheets, and lied on them.

That made me even sadder, I remember being so depressed after DD1 was born. At one of the clinic's check ups I was given a questionnaire where I had to tick "do you cry every day" bla bla bla . I did cry every day and several times as well but there was no way I would have admitted it on a form. Counselling should really be based on talking to someone, not filling idiotic questionnaires. She has been failed I am afraid.

Original poster
OutOutLetItAllOut · 31/01/2011 07:33

Yes, it was on the nhs.

OP posts:
Longtalljosie · 31/01/2011 07:56

crashingwaves - thank you for telling us about that. I've learned something - I always assumed you got the "full, Sunday lunch feeling" after a small amount of food as well.

There was a documentary on last year about weight loss, one person had the band (and like the OP's friend, lied about the pre-op diet. They knew it too, part of the reason is to get fat off the internal organs to make it less risky, and when they cut into her, there it was). The other was a girl whose mother threw money and resources at the situation, hired her a personal trainer and dietician. She lost weight faster than gastric band girl and looked much better, really glowing. But still (oddly) wished she'd had the op.

hoovercraft · 31/01/2011 08:07

tyrag I have 20 years experience reading and interpreting diet sheets and I satnd by what i said....there are also studies to back up the under reporting in diet records

TyraG · 31/01/2011 09:23

So in 20 years you've come across everyone who has ever filled out a diet sheet/journal and have been come to the conclusion that every single one of them are liars. Wow that's amazing.