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So angry i can barely speak

125 replies

brightlightsandpromises · 28/01/2011 13:07

So i will type instead.

My not so DD was on facebook this am, put something on her status indicating she was upset about something. (DD is 20 and doesn't live at home btw) I ask her what is wrong - fuck off she tells me. Nice!! Anyway, brief background, she doesn't havea job and my mum pays her to walk her dog for her - I used to walk him but i stopped when i got a job. My job didn't work out but i just let DD carry on with it because i didnt feel comfortable taking money from my mum and it never stopped with the dog walking, there was always, "while you're here can you pop to the town for me etc etc" She basically takes the piss, but you know how it is, its my mother, what can you do. So now my DD is the one who my mum thinks doesn't have a life so can run after her all the time - well, if DD got a job then she woudlnt be able to (different story). So after being told to fuck off, i was already Angry i said WTF is going on, my mum had already been on phone to me asking for number for boiler company, spoke to me like shit, clearlly in bad mood. So DD tells me im lazy don't do anything for nanny etc. Her cat been in the vets all this week, DD been doing the tooing and froing, i thought ah good, because i am mid tax return hell and im pretty preoccupied just now. But anyway, my mother obviously been slagging me off to dd as the stuff she said is stuff that my mum rings me and slags DD off to me.

Then phone rings, "what are you doing" says my mum, "sorting tax return out" "Well i cant get the fucking cat to the vets and its half dead (its not) and ive got to wait for the gas man" I said, well had you phoned me and asked me i woudl have taken her to the vets for you "oh dont worry about it" and slammed the phone down. So i have to fucking drop everything to take the cat to the vets, - which i dont mind, really i dont, it was my cat anyway in the first place - but why the hell do i get spoken to like shit by my mother AND DD!!! I am seething.

Ive just taken the cat to the vets, my mother trying to back track because i told her she has been slagging me off to DD. She says i only go there when i want something - not true. I do avoid her alot of the times because she moans on about shit and is difficult (like Catherine tates nanna but more malevolent) to put up with. Last weekend i ASKED her to come out with me and DD2 (aged 5) because i thought that she hadn't seen her for a bit, DP was working and i thought she woudl like to have the opportunity, but no, i only ever go there when i want something FFS.

What is wrong with, when you want/need something - phoning someone and asking them, it would have been much easier for me if she rang this morning and said, oh the cats still not eating would you mind taking her to the vets for me. Instead i had to break my stride in what i was doing and go just now. I am supposed to read her mind, she was even on he phone earlier to me moaning about the woman from the boiler company who was apparently "rude" errr, well if she spoke the her the way she spoke to me, if i were the woman from the bioler company i would have told her to fuck off! I am pre occupied due to tax return {stressed out about it) so i didnt ask after the cat.

Upset that DD spoke to me like that, but just steaming with my mother. She fascilitates my DD not getting a job because she gives her money all the time, and then thinks she is at her beck and call. What has happened today is that DD pissed off, didnt want to take the cat etc, so i end up getting shit on. FFS

OP posts:
lottiejenkins · 28/01/2011 13:29

Errr no one has called you "chavs" have they?? Confused I would never ever ever tell my mother to f off and i certainly would let my son tell me to f off either!!

FanellaFudge · 28/01/2011 13:30

Maybe you could charge your Mum for taking her cat to the vet, then you could use that to pay for the accountant?

RealityIsKnockedUp · 28/01/2011 13:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

brightlightsandpromises · 28/01/2011 13:31

now why didnt i think of that fanella, took me all of an hour - so thats £450 then . Nice one. Sorted Enjoy your judging ladies

OP posts:
dickiedavisthunderthighs · 28/01/2011 13:32

How about a swear box for vet trips, dog walking and British Gas Homecare 24 for your mum's boiler?

MoaningMedalllist · 28/01/2011 13:32

Changing - bit harsh

whatever her reasons her behaviour is unnacceptable make that clear. youi dont hae to be mean just be very firm about it, she is 20 afterall If i'd spoken to my mother like that I would have known about it

Honeybee79 · 28/01/2011 13:32

Unacceptable to tell one's mother to fuck off. I say it jokingly to my mum all the time but if I said it with intent then she'd slap me round the face, and rightly so.

Tell you DD to get a job and treat people a bit better.

orangina · 28/01/2011 13:34

I'm confused... am I watching Jeremy Kyle?!?!

brightlightsandpromises · 28/01/2011 13:35

No reality, i'm not sure either, i think its my use of bad language that make people think that they can judge me. My mother is a NIGHTMARE. She drives me mental - but she'll get over it and be nice as pie next week. Thats the point of my ranting on here - i didnt ring her up and scream at her down the phone, when she screamed at me down the phone. I went straight round and took her cat to the vets. I would have simply much rather someone ring me and ask me to do something withotu out this hard done by shit. When actually she has me and my DD running round after her like blue arsed flies, when in reality she is perfectly capable of doing these things for herself.

OP posts:
BarbieLovesKen · 28/01/2011 13:37

What age is your son custardo? children living at home - no I dont think its unreasonable to technically pay them. In that they are earning their pocket money by completely chores.

That said theres a cut off, we all run circles around my grandmother (I was raised by her), bringing her here and there, cleaning for her, bringing her to appointments, vets etc. etc.. Could never charge her Shock its just something you do, isnt it?

GetOrfMoiLand · 28/01/2011 13:37

'my mum turned around and said'

'and then my daughter turned around and said'

You sound like people who like the drama of a good row. Like half the members of my family.

screamingskull · 28/01/2011 13:37

brightlights, totally understand where you are coming from. it's so annoying to be in the middle of something and need to drop it to chase someone elses tail all the time.

if you are like me, i doubt very much you were all effing and jeffing all over the place more than likely this is what you felt like saying to them lol

to the other posters whats the big deal if the granny gives the grnd-daughter cash for odd jobs?? at least the granny gets stuff done that she needs done without running around herself and the grand-daughter gets extra cash. families as i undertsand it are ment to help each other and there is nothing wrong with it getting on top of you at times..OP vent away and no i don't think you are a shit mother xx

brightlightsandpromises · 28/01/2011 13:38

Anyway, should have known the judgey hats would come out - bit pathetic really. Families are difficult and my mother is well known in ours for her bad attitude. Oh well thanks for the support ladies

OP posts:
sueperlative · 28/01/2011 13:39

good lord, do people really speak to each other like that on a day to day basis?

If I spoke to my mum like that, I would be ashamed. If I spoke to my children like that, well I wouldnt and neither would any of them.

shudders and thanks god I live in a nice civilised world

Blacksand · 28/01/2011 13:40

Can we stop with the links to the JK programme please? I have seen this three times today already and it isn't funny, it's insulting and does nothing to help debate.

sueperlative · 28/01/2011 13:40

and feels sorry for the 5 year old in the middle of all the chaos :(

Hullygully · 28/01/2011 13:42

So brightlights is scum because she uses the word "fuck?"

That makes sense.

Ignore the smug judging morons, Brightlights.

Hullygully · 28/01/2011 13:42

sueperlative - have you ever heard of hubris?

missmehalia · 28/01/2011 13:42

You've got the option here of being the change you want to see.

DD is 20 and has moved out. She's clearly wanting to be living independently, and it's her choice as to whether she does the dog walking or not, and whether she does things for her nan or not. You can give yourself a time limit for listening about it all, and then change the subject. Don't bother suggesting solutions or getting too involved, this is her deal now.

Your mum sounds like she's dreadfully unhappy. Why is she so rude about and to you all?

I suggest organising a regular Sunday lunch date with everyone together say every 2 or 3 weeks. Rotate the responsibility for it/venue. If not this, then a regular family meet-up that works for you all, and avoids the accusations (before it really does end up as a JK farce.)

You don't have to get involved in their issues. If you work from home (sounds like you do) then don't answer the phone to rude demands or rants from either of them - you're working. Let them know what your working hours are, and stay firm about your boundaries. Evenings and weekends are the times for friends and family.. and try and take a step back from all this. There's no need for shouting or namecalling. You don't have to join in with all that. You'll probably feel a lot more detached from it all if you try and carve out some time for yourself in amongst all this with some nice friends who've actually got some compassion and humour.

Merrylegs · 28/01/2011 13:45

"When actually she has me and my DD running round after her like blue arsed flies, when in reality she is perfectly capable of doing these things for herself."

Well then don't. Do her a favour and don't enable her helpless behaviour.

She didn't ask you to take the cat. She said 'don't bother' huffily and slammed the phone down. And then you turned up and took the cat anyway. How is that helping anyone?

She knows that she can treat you like shit and you will still run around after her. Then you can't have a respectful conversation with her because you are angry at her spoilt and rude behaviour.

Sounds like a lot of huffing and puffing for the sake of it really.

brightlightsandpromises · 28/01/2011 13:45

Thankyou screaming skull - appreciate that alot.

My mother to be fair is the most generous person i know, and not just in terms of money. She would do anything for me and my DDs. BUT when she wants stuff done for her she goes into this whole "poor me i can't do xyz" syndrome and then expects someone to drop everything and do stuff for her, right there and then. She is never prepared to wait until it is convenient for them. Then she speaks to people like shit. Its always been the way - and NO i don't talk to her like shit, EVER. Even today i just went and took the cat round the vets for her. I could have told her to fuck off couldnt i, but i didn't, if it wasn't for the fact that 9/10 times my mother is lovely i wouldn't have done it for her at all.

The taking money for the dog walking thing just sort of evolved and as i said, i was uncomfortable with it so stopped.

Anyway, i feel now like I am a bad daughter and a bad mother, so yep - thanks everyone. Good job

OP posts:
sueperlative · 28/01/2011 13:46

sueperlative - have you ever heard of hubris?

is he the newsreader on channel 4? ;)

momentsintime · 28/01/2011 13:47

Maybe you should all start with trying to speak to each other without swearing and see how you get on from there. just some basic respect for each other might help you all get along a little better.

KnittedBreast · 28/01/2011 13:49

calm down. her daughter is not 10yrs old she can think for herself and if she wants to tell her mum to F off then thats up to her and not a reflection on ops parenting techniques. you live in cukoo land if you think when your kids grow up they wont ever swear at you, even if they dont do it to your face. they will. I assure you.

I dont know why you are that pissed off to be honest. the cat is your mothers priorities while yours is the tax, theres nothing wrong with that. il guess your daughter dousnt appreciate having to all this extra stuff alongside the dog walking. Its up to her to sort this out with her nana.

as for the fb thing? thats why you shouldnt be friends with your children on fb. you just dont want to know. it wasnt aimed at you you just caught up in it.

let it all go over your head, your mother obv feeds off stress and you are just playing into her hands. leave your daughter some time to chill out. shel be back soon

Mssoul · 28/01/2011 13:51

Families. Can't live with them, can't kill them Grin

Poor you, op, sounds like a mare.