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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to consider single sex schooling

92 replies

deliakate · 27/01/2011 20:02

Have one boy and a little girl on the way, and it looks like we are going to choose single sex prep schools for both (although DS would be co-ed from age 3-4) under this arrangement. Am I mad???

OP posts:

MrsLucasNorth · 27/01/2011 20:13

You need to do what you think is right for your dc's. I wouldn't be inclined to go for single-sex schooling so young personally (not that it was an option for us anyway), but at least having a boy & a girl they will be able to interact with each others friends and get used to the opposite sex that way.

My DD is 6 and an only one so I never thought I'd send her to a single sex school, but that is definitely where she'll be heading when the time comes as our catchment comp is appalling and she is very academic.

bubblewrapped · 27/01/2011 20:23

I dont think its as important pre-secondary school. But I would say the opposite sex are definately a major distraction once you hit puberty.

HerBeX · 27/01/2011 20:26

Not sure it matters pre secondary.

All the research shows that boys at secondary do better in mixed schools and girls do better at single sex schools.

Ismene · 27/01/2011 20:30

I wouldn't do it personally, because I think a major part of you job as a parent is to gradually prepare your child for adult life. Adult life is not single sex. I went to a girls' school and hated it.

That said, it is your choice and I can think of worse things to do to your children.

Edinburghlass · 27/01/2011 21:07

Each family knows best what is best for their own child(ren), but I went to an all girls school and I wouldn't send my daughter to one. I felt I grew up isolated from half of the real world and some of my school friends went boy daft at college, whereas I stood in the corner, too shy to speak to the boys at all. I think it's more healthy to go to a mixed school.

Foreverondiet · 27/01/2011 21:11

I personally don't think single sex schools a great idea until secondary school.

And unless there is a girls school near the boys school what a hassle!

bb99 · 27/01/2011 21:15

DH and his sister always went to single sex schools and they had lots of interaction via each others' friends, with members of the opposite sex IYSWIM. Doesn't seem to have done them any harm, well she's a bit SIL .

Girls generally do better in single sex environments when they get to secondary school.

Good luck - I am v. .

icarriedawatermelon2 · 27/01/2011 21:15

How would you manage 2 drop off's in the mornings?
I agree, at Prep level it seems a real shame to go down this route. They would love seeing each other at school wouldn't they?

Lonnie · 27/01/2011 21:22

YANBU do what feels right for your family

TheSecondComing · 27/01/2011 21:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CoraMackenzie · 27/01/2011 21:46

When people say girls always do better at single sex schools, I presume they mean academically? Surely that is not the best measure?

I went to an all girls school and it was a total bitch fest. Academic it may have been but it wasn't real life and the girls seemed to be either boy obsessed or wallflowers by the time we went to uni. I have 2 daughters and I wouldn't send them SS. But you do what you think is best for your own kids and your family circs.

NinkyNonker · 27/01/2011 21:49

I went to a single sex school private for primary, then a mixed secondary private and then a boys' grammar for a-levels...so I've been to the whole complement! I enjoyed all.

TheSecondComing · 27/01/2011 21:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

breatheslowly · 27/01/2011 21:56

I wouldn't until secondary. I found my single sex primary unambitious and stifling - I think that the presence of boys makes the atmosphere a bit more robust. In contrast my DB's single sex primary was a bit too harsh and again a mixed environment might have been more moderate.

BelleBelicious · 27/01/2011 22:00

OK - obviously you have your reasons, but since you asked, I would advise against it.

There is enough obsession with the 'differences' between the sexes as it is, without reinforcing that at the age of 4.

And on a practical level, the different drop offs/school fetes/inset days/after school club days etc. etc. would be a real pain.

Personally, I wouldn't pay much attention to all this 'boys do better...' or 'girls do better...'. In norther Europe nearly everyone goes to mixed schools and they all seem to manage quite well. They think we are really quite odd to still segregate.

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 27/01/2011 22:04

Mine both went to single sex secondary schools as they were their catchment schools (strange set up in our town with three mixed and two single sex comps). Both did very well, though the girls school was far too precious about its academic reputation.

pointythings · 27/01/2011 22:06

BelleBelicious,

Just what I was going to say re education in the rest of Europs, and many of those countries do better in terms of outcomes than the UK. I really don't think our teenagers are any different from theirs...

Lamorna · 27/01/2011 22:07

I went to a single sex secondary and wouldn't recommend it.

missfairlie · 27/01/2011 22:13

Depends where you are - where I am the good pre-preps are all single sex. And with one of each, they will still have plenty of interaction with the opposite sex. I wasn't keen, but DD (in reception) absolutely loves being with just girls. She found some of the boys at nursery boisterous and aggressive and prefers being in an all-girl environment. Am not insistent on it from 11 though, if the good boys' schools start taking girls.

CoraMackenzie · 27/01/2011 22:18

You see, both my girls are fairly boisterous. But if they weren't, I'd be more likely to want them to be with boisterous boys esp if they didn't have a brother. I've never liked theis 'neat, clean, precious attitude' you get in an all girls school. Better to be pushed over a few times, skin their knees and dust themselves off than to spend the breaktime playing pat-a-cake.

But that's just my experience.

LaWeaselMys · 27/01/2011 22:24

I don't think single sex is great socially for girls particularly.

As others have said, the bitchiness is unreal. The pressure is massive to succeed which lead to a lot of mental health problems. Several girls stopped eating, and more than one girl tried to kill themselves during GCSEs. There was also at my school a lot of competition to prove that you were 'worldly' so huge amounts of drugs, theft, sex and then at the other end a lot of very shy and socially awkward people with less people in the middle than you'd want hope.

To be fair, I think a lot of the reasons that my school in particularly was shockingly crap have nothing to do with it being single sex, but have known other girls at Uni who went to girls grammar's in other counties and report much the same so it has been more or less crossed off what I would consider for schools.

But this is based on my experiences and what I know about my (not even 2yo) DD! You need to make the right decision for your kids.

poshsinglemum · 27/01/2011 22:26

I don't really ''get'' single sex schooling tbh. I know boys are a distraction; once you become a teen but I even then I think that learning to deal with men is an important education.

CoraMackenzie · 27/01/2011 22:31

I agree. Rather than think of it as a distraction, I consider it as part of their 'life education' however wanky that sounds!

TheSecondComing · 27/01/2011 22:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HerBeX · 28/01/2011 10:09

Right I'm going to speak up for single sex schools here because I don't recognise some of the descriptions here.

I went to an academic all girls school and there wasn't that much bitchiness at all. I don't know if that's because it was in the eighties and feminist ideas were really normal and popular then and we were all aware of them. My peer group were mostly confident, self-aware girls with a real sense of their own worth. I don't know how much that was due to their family background and how much due to the ethos of my particular school.

One thing I would say is that it is very disturbing that 1 in 3 secondary age girls is subect to sexual assault at schools and of course that must overwhelmingly happen in mixed schools, not single sex. I was horrified to read on MN that it's normal for girls to be sexually harrassed by boys in school, I'm sure that must affect their confidence and attitudes - we had none of that shit so we were pretty confident with boys, so in terms of overall "life skills" the idea that you are not the "other" which is often what mixed company teaches girls and women, is actually extremely valuable.

But it's also common sense isn't it - in the end, surely you'll go with whether you like the ethos and feel of the school and believe that your child will do as well as s/he can there, whether it's single sex or mixed?

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