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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

IABU posting this here, but its never used be a good thread now it is!!!

31 replies

TheLadyEvenstar · 26/01/2011 23:37

I moved a week ago and I am astounded by the changes in DS1.

The day we moved in, he unpacked and made his and DS2's beds without being asked.

He has loaded the dishwasher EVERY day without being asked.

He has showered every day barr one (i wouldn't let him as he has an ear infection and tonsilitis and was crying in pain)

He has NOT screamed once! although he has been tetchy.

He has eaten all his dinner without a fuss

He has been a pleasure to be around and for the first time in a long time spent more than 2 minutes in the living room.

He has really changed - ok I know that it probably won't be permanent BUT I am so happy with this last week.

Also we got a dx and he has high functioning aspergers - now to learn how to help him and I cope with the tetchy moments.

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 26/01/2011 23:44

new home new start!! hope he keeps it up!

or something in the water??

manicbmc · 26/01/2011 23:45

Maybe he prefers your new house? My ds has severe autism and I used to have so much trouble with him around bedtimes/sleeping through/smearing poop. All it took for him to feel more settled was a new room with a lick of paint.

Admittedly, he still had problems at bedtimes, but it certainly helped.

Maybe the new house layout etc makes more sense to him and the colours are calmer?

Hope his behaviour continues. Smile

coldtits · 26/01/2011 23:45

Have you moved away from someone he used to see often?

glad you have good news, TBH!

coldtits · 26/01/2011 23:46

also, don't be surprised if the act of re-ordering his world has comforted him

GotArt · 26/01/2011 23:49

I've lived in places that I just absolutely dread coming home to, like where I am at the moment. We move tomorrow and the condo was an immediate hit with me as soon as I walked in. Can't explain it, just felt like home. I think kids feel this too. Keep affirming his great behaviour. Its lovely to feel at home in a great house.

GypsyMoth · 26/01/2011 23:50

whats new place like TLES??

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 26/01/2011 23:52

ILT - Maybe some truth in the water even the kitten is calmer!

Manic - There is something about the place we are in that is very comforting tbh. For me it is the fact it is very similar to a place we lived in when I was a child and I just feel "at home" here. Here he is opposite the bathroom and toilet and next door to the living room. Maybe it does make more sense to him. It is a very old flat tbh.
The colours in the old property were just magnolia - here every room is a different colour, I know that sounds odd but it is.

Coldtits Nope, we have moved literally rcound the corner from where we were living.
Can you explain how the re-organising would have comforted him? this is all so new to me!

OP posts:
MissQue · 26/01/2011 23:52

Agree with coldtits, perhaps it's because he didn't have control over the old house, but now he can mould his new environment to his preferences, if you know what I mean? I'm guessing that you have been able to let him choose things like what colour to paint his room, how to set it out and things like that?

It's often easier to start in a new environment with new rules than to try to change rules in an old environment, I've certainly found that with my severely autistic dd. Learning from scratch is easier than learning one way then having to change, it's a lot less confusing.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 26/01/2011 23:55

ILT it is a 3 bedroom flat. I am in love with it and have been since I viewed it.
Ii have been taking photos as I have gone along from room to room. The Change is amazing tbh.

OP posts:
MissQue · 26/01/2011 23:55

Different colours in different areas possibly helps him to separate each room into it's own place with it's own purpose, eg the blue room is where I sleep, the green room is where I wash and go to the toilet etc. so that might make more sense than every room being the same. It's pretty amazing when you start to look into this stuff, the autistic mind is fascinating Smile

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 26/01/2011 23:57

MissQue so I am learning!

OP posts:
manicbmc · 26/01/2011 23:57

My ds seemed to like the dark 'blue screen' blue in his room. But then he likes to feel enclosed when he's stressed. Often found him under his mattress when he was 3.

Maybe he's also picking up on you being calmer? I know it's generally said that autistic and aspergers people don't pick up on emotions but mine certainly did. If I was stressed (and I was mainly) then he was too even if I tried not to show it.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 27/01/2011 00:00

I am just uploading pics of my handywork in the flat.

I just knew when I viewed it it was "our home" even though everyone thought I was mad for accepting it as it is a 2nd floor flat.

OP posts:
manicbmc · 27/01/2011 00:06

I know what you mean. I've been in my new home for nearly a year and though it smelt very heavily of old lady's wee when I viewed it - it felt like home.

Now it smells of teenager. Grin

Hope you will all be really happy there. Smile

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 27/01/2011 00:09

This flat is odd I have to say it is like there are many of my memories here - yet they never could be iyswim?

Although DS2 keeps telling me "lily is in my bedroom again mummy" - Lily was my Nan.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 27/01/2011 00:28

flat

OP posts:
MissQue · 27/01/2011 00:31

nice one Smile

can I just add a friendly word of caution, it might not be a good idea to have pics of your ds in his underpants on the internet where anyone can look at them? Not having a go but y'know.. Smile

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 27/01/2011 00:32

oopppsss didn't mean to put that one on there Blush

OP posts:
MissQue · 27/01/2011 00:34

Just thought I'd better let you know that I could see them, and as this is a public open forum, so can anyone.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 27/01/2011 00:36

no its ok thankyou, i hadn't meant to upload those

OP posts:
Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 27/01/2011 00:40

I think they have gone now.

OP posts:
MissQue · 27/01/2011 00:43

yep, all gone Smile

Good luck with the new home anyway, and long may your ds be happy and settled Grin

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 27/01/2011 00:45

TLES that is fantastic, make sure he is getting lots of thumbs ups from you for how he has been behaving. i know of his previous problems and i have to say i dont think it would do him any harm for you to go a bit overboard with the parise, it really seems like he is trying so hard to make this a new start. let him no you appreciate it and that you are trying with him. i hope he can see that it benefits him to behave better.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 27/01/2011 00:48

ILIWYCMB - I went and did something well and truley OTT I bought him this.....

Yes before anyone says it I know its OTT.

OP posts:
ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 27/01/2011 00:51

i also sympathise with the dreading coming home feeling. i can't settle in thsi house at all anymore. i was fine for teh first 3 years, it was my palace, i loved it, but ever since EXp lived here it hasn't felt like my home. it felt temporary and not comfortable. i am busting to leave now. i need that fresh start. so hard to explain but i know my depression is related to this house.

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