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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think mumsnet is very aggressive.

113 replies

matchbox20 · 23/01/2011 13:20

I am new here and have already been slammed down swore at etcetc just for having an opinion.

I have read through numerous threads and although they made me laugh some people are very aggressive to such simple questions.

Is this the norm?

Or are some people just naturally like this all the time, hope they are not like it in real life cause they will end up very lonely once they have scared everyone away.

OP posts:

BaroqueAroundTheClock · 23/01/2011 14:24

"It should me renamed "I am pissed off and fancy a big row, care to join me?". "

hehe - love it - maybe we should suggest it

AIBU is somewhere to be avoided if you are feeling at all sensitive, and fgs don' start a thread in here if you're wanting support, or want people to help you. It's basically bun fight central

spikeycow · 23/01/2011 14:27

It can be aggressive, and people can be turned on just for having a different opinion, particularly on circumcision, ear piercing, things like that. On some threads it's 10 people all rounding on one person, and doing grinning faces at each others comments to that person, when all they have done is express an opinion nobody else agrees with. It needn't be an offensive opinion either. Then you get the people who take the piss out of posters who can't spell, the posters who think they know more about your life than you do, and the smug up their own arse posters who live in cloud cuckoo land. But I still like it here

spikeycow · 23/01/2011 14:29

I don't buy the line it's just honesty. If people wanted to they could be honest without being downright rude

Mumcentreplus · 23/01/2011 14:33

exactly spikey you can offer an opinion without the stinky attitude some people throw into the mix..

peanutbutterkid · 23/01/2011 14:35

MN is especially over-sensitive right now.
AIBU is aggressive, the rest of MN is a lot more "reasonable" :).
At least people on MN give you honest opinions.
They may be ill-informed, hasty, bigoted, blinkered, and unrealistic opinions, of course. A lot of other online parenting fora are so heavily moderated that it's like hyper controlled niceness, and nobody who really deserves it ever gets told their hand is up their arse. Quite maddening when you hear the most outlandish things that nobody will dare say so.

cobbledtogether · 23/01/2011 14:37

Yes it can be aggressive, but not all posters are like that, so you can chose to either ignore the ones who are, or fight back depending on mood. AIBU tends to get more heated than elsewhere, but you'll find a level of disagreement elsewhere too - its like real life and would be boring as hell if we all agreed. I think there have been a lot of provocative posts over the last few days, but expect it will die down again soon.

Its not all heated and I've had some fantastic advice and support since joining and know where to go for a laugh and where and who to avoid. Its a learning curve.

There are a few who mistakenly think that they are blunt or to the point, when actually they're just opinionated, aggressive and rude. They may drop in on this thread in a bit to accuse you of eating goats.

peanutbutterkid · 23/01/2011 14:38

head is up their arse, even.
head/hand... well, sometimes people are obviously pulling ideas out of their arse, that maybe the hand analogy is appropriate, too.

Everybody but me, that is. My thoughts are always wonderfully insightful and wise .

BendyBob · 23/01/2011 14:41

It is the norm and is seen as banter when all is well, but I do feel sorry for posters who are feeling vulnerable for whatever reason. It can be awful then although vulnerable people have been treated very kindly here too. You just never know which way it's going to go...

Steer clear of AIBU

walkinZombie · 23/01/2011 14:42

You always get some aggro on Forums, it comes with the territory.

every now and again you get some prick who will try and provoke you,

MsKLo · 23/01/2011 14:45

Yanbu

Just because people differ with opinions it doesn't
Mean people need to be so bloody rude! I find the aggressiveness displayed to an opinion quite pathetic sometimes like people are just waiting to be nasty.

But there are other good ladies here with balls!

MsKLo · 23/01/2011 14:45

Yanbu

But there are other good ladies here with balls!

supergreenuk · 23/01/2011 14:48

Like others have said it's the norm. I have left several times as I have made comments that mean no harm and people read stuff into my comments that is simply way off my intention. I mostly read and only get involved a little.

hpsaucy · 23/01/2011 14:52

I love it. Would rather someone tell it to me straight, than fluff it up with hugs and huns

seaweedhead · 23/01/2011 15:03

Some people come across as very aggressive- its easier to be aggressive on an anonymous forum than in RL and I think some posters do get carried away with the bitching. On the flip side there are an awful lot of posters who are kind, sympathetic and helpful. If you come here with a genuine problem you are guaranteed lots of support and sound advice.

walkinZombie · 23/01/2011 15:17

Yeah I agree I've been on forums far nastier than this one, there seems to be a good balance of nice/nasty posters.

LadyOfTheManor · 23/01/2011 15:19

You said that most MNetters were;

"1950s wives running around after their husbands, then moaning about it".

What did you expect, a warm welcome?

I suggest a name change and stop writing self pitying posts.

LadyOfTheManor · 23/01/2011 15:19

and I'm aggressive. But that's ok, I can live with a virtual opinion.

SleepingLion · 23/01/2011 15:21

Just avoid 'hun', 'lol' and text-speak, wear your hard hat when in AIBU and never - but never - ask what about the menz? in the feminist section and you'll be fine!

QueenGigantaurofMnet · 23/01/2011 15:21

oh. well id you did indeed ppost that then you kinda got to expect a bit of hostility really.

cupcakebakerer · 23/01/2011 15:28

I have only been on Mumsnet a couple of months. I started a support thread which has been absolutely fantastic - not a bitchy comment in sight and it's really helped me a great deal.

However...I do occasionally make the mistake of posting on certain kinds of threads in AIBU (about benefits and SAHMS in particular) and it can get very nasty. I'm not a particulaly sensitive person, but some posters can be very agressive I find. I've learnt not to take it to heart as they don't know about my life, I don't know about their's.

If you do find yourself in a bit of a wrangle on AIBU I've found it's better just to leave the thread. Afterall, you can give your opinion but it's highly unlikely you are going to change anyone else's. What's the point in wasting energy over it? Unless you enjoy a good online punch up that is!

cupcakebakerer · 23/01/2011 15:29

particularly

cupcakebakerer · 23/01/2011 15:33

Also Spikeycow - I agree with what you're saying word for word. I've been that 'one' person on quite a few occasions and as daft as it sounds it can be quite upsetting. I had to talk it over with my husband once!

brokeoven · 23/01/2011 15:33

yes it can be, so suck it up cupcake and avoid commenting if you are sensitive.

Admittedly, it can be hurtful and difficult to not take personally. There are times when you are just not going to win, so i choose very carefully which threads to join.

cupcakebakerer · 23/01/2011 15:42

See what I mean? A polite, non offensive answer and I get told to 'suck it up'. There really is no need.

brokeoven · 23/01/2011 15:43

heheheh im giggling at that cupcake, didnt mean you
Its waht we say in our house about bieng upset. Thats ace, just had to tell dh why i was laughing

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