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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask for the money back

102 replies

kokolp · 22/01/2011 09:33

I sent DP round to drop some stuff at my brothers last night. He stayed and talked for a while, they then decided to play cards and DP in his twattiness then gambled £200 on a card game which he lost. We needed that money and can't afford to be without it, I'm not sure how I'm going to pay for the food shop tomorrow now. I know DP was a cunt and fortunately has gone out before I strangle him. AIBU to ask my brother to give it back because we can't do without it.

OP posts:
gillybean2 · 22/01/2011 09:35

Was this a one off thing or do they often gamble?

huddspur · 22/01/2011 09:35

YABU if your DP had won and got an extra £200 you wouldn't be offering it back to your brother would you? Although I think you need to have serious words with your DP about this, its highly irresponsible to gamble what you can't afford to lose.

Original poster
kokolp · 22/01/2011 09:36

Its a one-off thing they normally just use plastic chips

OP posts:
stoppinchingthedummy · 22/01/2011 09:38

I would ask your brother for it back or at least be extremely mad at dp for doing that - why did he have £200 on him?

Original poster
kokolp · 22/01/2011 09:40

He didn't have it on him, he went to a cash machine round the corner from my brothers house to get it. Angry does not come close to describing how I feel at him

OP posts:
fedupofnamechanging · 22/01/2011 09:40

Given that it is your brother then yes you could ask for it back and tell him that you can't afford to lose it. Don't know where it leaves you if your brother has already spent it though.

Tbh, you have bigger problems than the £200. Your partner gambled away money that he knew you couldn't afford to lose. What will he gamble next? I'd be worried about coming home one day and finding my jewellery and the telly gone.

I always seem to be telling people on here that I would kick him out and I know that's easier said than done, but I honestly think that if my 'D'P left me in a position where I couldn't afford to feed my children because he'd done this, I would put all his stuff in bin bags in the front garden while he was out and he would not be allowed back until he'd received professional help.

Callisto · 22/01/2011 09:41

You can't ask for the money back unless it is as a loan. It is now your brothers and I would suggest that you get your DH to sort this one out as he was the one that fucked up. I wouldn't be cleaning up this sort of mess for my DH, not that he would do anything as stupidly irresponsible.

Original poster
kokolp · 22/01/2011 09:43

It was only last night so he can't of already spent it.

OP posts:
swallowedAfly · 22/01/2011 09:44

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fedupofnamechanging · 22/01/2011 09:45

Hope not. I've got 2 brothers though and money burns a hole in their pockets. If you are going to ask, I would recommend doing it sooner rather than later.

StuffingGoldBrass · 22/01/2011 09:46

They are both a pair of idiots given that your brother must have some idea of your household's finances (ie that you probably can't afford to lose £200 like that).

Mind you, if your brother is a decent bloke he may well wake up this morning feeling guilty and come round to return the money, saying he didn't mean to and they were only fooling around etc... I know that's what I'd do if it was my sibling.

Callisto · 22/01/2011 09:47

I wouldn't have a go at my brother - why the fuck is it his responsibility that his sister is married to a fuckwit? How is he to know that the £200 is needed for bills?

Bogeyface · 22/01/2011 09:49

I would ask for it back, and see what he says, but he is under no obligation to pay it.

Is your brother a gambler by habit? If so then it may already be gone.

And I would be double fuming with "D"P if he not only did that, but then legged it out of the house to avoid a row! At the very least he should be going to sell something of his to put the money back, otherwise how does he expect you to feed your kids?!

Does he have a laptop or phone you could sell for the money?

huddspur · 22/01/2011 09:49

Why is it the brothers fault? He probably assumed that the DP was only gambling what he could afford to lose

WimpleOfTheBallet · 22/01/2011 09:51

Ask for it back!! Your Brother should not have taken it....he MUST know you cannot affrd it the twat!

(not excluding twatty dp here)

Chil1234 · 22/01/2011 09:53

YANBU Yes, appeal to your brother's good nature but make your husband ask for it back as well. If he has to go through the embarrassment of losing face, it might teach him a better lesson than you cleaning up his mess. Oh yes, remove cash-card.... he can't be trusted with it.

GandTiceandaslice · 22/01/2011 09:55

I'd ask for it back. He's family for goodness sake. Surely he wouldn't want to see you endure hardship.

stoppinchingthedummy · 22/01/2011 09:55

I agree with karmabeliever if my dp did this to my children i would pack his bags for him and tell him until he has £200 back not to bother coming back!!! You need that money back but you shouldnt have to be the one getting it - kick his ass!!!

ZillionChocolate · 22/01/2011 09:58

YWBU to ask for it back. Do you think William Hill should quiz every gambler on whether they can afford it? I think you can reasonably ask to borrow it, but you must pay it back.

If you're a grown up and spend all your money on magic beans then you have to live with the consequences. This is DP's fault. The fact that your brother has the money is irrelevant.

Al1son · 22/01/2011 10:01

I'd phone your brother and ask how long they have been gambling for money. It may turn out that your DP hasn't been playing for chips like you thought and has won money from him in the past.

If that's the case you'll have no right to ask for the money back. You'll also have a better picture of what sort of problem you have on you hands.

If this is a first then lay it on the line to your DB and tell him that out of loyalty to you he must never play for money again because he now has the money you need to feed your children. He may offer it back. If he doesn't you could consider asking if you could borrow it.

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 22/01/2011 10:04

YABU

your DP needs to be going round and asking for it back. this was his twattish mistake, he needs to go, cap in hand and ask for it back. and he needs to admit he has a gambling problem. anyone who gambles £200 of money they dont have has an issue.

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 22/01/2011 10:05

btw, my sister has no idea of my financial situation. nor do my parents or friends.

i don't blame the brother at all. as far as he knows this was a game that the BIL was happy to play and could afford to lose.

byrel · 22/01/2011 10:06

YABU its your brothers money now, asking for it "back" is basically asking him to give you £200.

swallowedAfly · 22/01/2011 10:07

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swallowedAfly · 22/01/2011 10:07

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