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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think "No! I'm not depriving her"

83 replies

LifeIsButtercream · 20/01/2011 16:25

Ok, please don't pelt me with {biscuit], I'm not meaning to come accross as wondermum or trying to polish my halo, I'm just confused:

A friend of mine and I were chatting about what our LOs had been up to (her DS is almost exactly the same age as my DD). The conversation turned to LOs fave food (and the often amusing eating antics of 20m olds). I mentioned that I'd been making cakes with DD as a treat and she said that homemade cakes could never be treats to children, only 'shop bought ones with cartoon characters, like their friends have'.

I was a bit Hmm and she continued to say that she made sure her DS had fruit shoots/character-endorsed yogurts/cheese-strings etc 'the same as his friends' so that he wouldn't feel left out, and for me not to do that with DD was depriving her and she would feel left out by her peers.

"THEY AREN'T EVEN TWO!" - my mind screamed

When my DD is older - an example, if she is at a birthday party at McD's, or Pizza Hut, she will have the same as her friends (i.e. I won't be there with the organic carrot sticks and wholemeal-stoneground-homemade-bread saying she isn't allowed), but at 20m the need hasn't arisen for her to have these in her diet, and I'm not causing her to feel 'uncool' cos she hasn't had them yet?

DD hasn't had a Fruit Shoot, she loves watered down apple juice (asks for it all the time) and didn't like cordial when I gave her some to try. I love baking so we usually have homemade cakes in the house, therefore I don't buy them.

I came away from the chat feeling that either I was a mean mother (my first time around so I'm not very confident as a parent) or some kind of crack-pot who restricts her daughters diet..... am I?

OP posts:
Plumm · 20/01/2011 16:27

Not mean at all. You can only lick the bowl if you make the cakes at home and that's definitely the best bit.

BeerTricksPotter · 20/01/2011 16:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

valiumredhead · 20/01/2011 16:28

Fruit shoots are work of the devil!

sloggies · 20/01/2011 16:29

You're not being mean. So long as they get to have it occasionally at parties, don't think you got a problem.

whatdoiknowanyway · 20/01/2011 16:30

are you sure she wasn't winding you up?

My DC prefer homemade cake, particularly for birthdays, and we had many lovely afternoons making things when they were smaller.

RhinestoneCowgirl · 20/01/2011 16:30

You sound completely reasonable to me... And of course home baked cakes are a treat. :)

FabbyChic · 20/01/2011 16:30

No you most certainly aren't. What she gives are convenience foods, you have time to bake your own cakes so why would you buy them.

What suits one parent does not automatically suit another.

She might eat those things your friend mentioned later but there is no need for her too now.

AnnieLobeseder · 20/01/2011 16:30

What a bizarre person your friend is! A child making cupcakes at home with mum is deprived? WTF!?!

FindingStuffToChuckOut · 20/01/2011 16:30

your friends attitude is quite bizarre (I'm being very polite here)

AnnieLobeseder · 20/01/2011 16:30

What a bizarre person your friend is! A child making cupcakes at home with mum is deprived? WTF!?!

Firawla · 20/01/2011 16:30

no yanbu i think she is projecting alot of this onto her dd, 20 months old do not start thinking "why is mum making me this home made cake, it doesnt have a character on it, im sure all the other kids from toddler group had shop bought ones" she is being a bit ridiculous, i would just ignore or have a laugh about it but what you are doing sounds fine!

bumpybecky · 20/01/2011 16:30

YANBU

tabulahrasa · 20/01/2011 16:30

fruit shoots taste disgusting and she's not old enough to care what other children are having

homemade cakes are always nicer than shop bought ones - well unless I made them Blush so of course they're a treat

There's nothing wrong with the odd cheese string and what have you, but no, she's being ridiculous, toddlers don't get peer pressure

scoobydoobydoobydoobydoo · 20/01/2011 16:31

Good grief! I'm with you on this one.

There's absolutely no need for young chn to have such rubbish. I was always a bit Shock at the sausages and spagetti hoops Heinz baby food. Not because I NEVER gave my chn bought baby food, but because why would you choose that over all the others that are at least based on 'real' food. Why?!

No you're not a crack pot. You are perfectly sane and normal!

AnnieLobeseder · 20/01/2011 16:32

Apologies for staggered double-post. I blame annoying work 'thou shalt not Mumsnet' big brother websense device.

rubyhorse · 20/01/2011 16:32

Nope. You feed her what you feel comfortable with, and what she enjoys, and at her age what other children have will make not a whit of difference. Older, I can understand that socially it's not good to be the child who is never allowed anything but water and has never tasted a chocolate button. But that's extreme, and given that we live in a country with one of the highest rates of obesity and heart disease in the world, statistically you aren't going to be doing her any favours if you give her everything her friends are eating, too.

Sirzy · 20/01/2011 16:34

Give me homemade cakes over shop brought anyday!

Zippylovesgeorge · 20/01/2011 16:35

YANBU

You are IMO doing the right thing - avoiding processed carp in your childs diet for as long as possible and also spending quality time with her baking.

Original poster
LifeIsButtercream · 20/01/2011 16:35

Yey! Phew I thought I was turning into a food Nazi!

Gotta love a bit of homemade cake, AND I don't add any calories so its totally diet friendly too Grin

I have made a silent pledge to always make DD's birthday cakes - my friend passed comment on DD's 1st birthday cake (not knowing I'd made it) and suggested I take it back to the cake maker as they hadn't done a very good job - her cake maker was a very expensive one and her DS's cake cost almost £100 and she was glad he wouldn't be embarrassed by it. Lol

OP posts:
AnnieLobeseder · 20/01/2011 16:37

£100 for a fucking child's CAKE!!!

IAmTheCookieMonster · 20/01/2011 16:37

It will be her child teasing the children that don't have the shop bought cakes with characters on! That sort of concept is learned from the parents.

I used to love going to my friend's house because her mum made cookies.

mischiefmummy · 20/01/2011 16:37

OMG that woman is crazy! Of course you should be baking with your child, and introducing as many different foods as possible at this age. Once children get a taste for processed food, it will be very hard to convince them that wholemeal, raw, natural etc is the way to go. I have 4DDs ranging in age from 2-9. They always eat homemade food and cakes, having often helped to cook them. They know I will NEVER take them to MacDonalds etc because I value their health more than that. Your friend is mad, keep doing what you're doing - it's a great start in life to see how food is made.

Gubbins · 20/01/2011 16:38

Mine (5 & 4) love to help me bake cakes and have never had fruit shoots/character-endorsed yogurts/cheese-strings. They view licking wooden spoons and the opportunity to decorate a homemade fairy cake with more hundreds and thousands and jelly tots than will physically fit as far, far more of a treat than a shop bought cake.

Mine are particularly deprived though. Until #2's dairy allergy was diagnosed her (then nearly three year old sister) had only rarely had any yoghurt but natural with fresh or stewed fruit stirred in. It was only when the purchase of sweetened, individual pots of soy yoghurt became necessary that I started buying 'normal' pots for number one. I would still never buy cartoon branded stuff though. These's no way I'm forking out extra money for a picture on the lable.

lazarusb · 20/01/2011 16:39

She's barmy! My dcs (10 & 7) don't have branded food in their lunchboxes very often and they haven't been ostracised yet! Grin
Homemade cakes are the way to go- maybe your friend can't cook?

tabulahrasa · 20/01/2011 16:39

£100 for a first birthday cake??? Dear god!!! Why?

actually

£100 for a cake??? lol