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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think "No! I'm not depriving her"

83 replies

LifeIsButtercream · 20/01/2011 16:25

Ok, please don't pelt me with {biscuit], I'm not meaning to come accross as wondermum or trying to polish my halo, I'm just confused:

A friend of mine and I were chatting about what our LOs had been up to (her DS is almost exactly the same age as my DD). The conversation turned to LOs fave food (and the often amusing eating antics of 20m olds). I mentioned that I'd been making cakes with DD as a treat and she said that homemade cakes could never be treats to children, only 'shop bought ones with cartoon characters, like their friends have'.

I was a bit Hmm and she continued to say that she made sure her DS had fruit shoots/character-endorsed yogurts/cheese-strings etc 'the same as his friends' so that he wouldn't feel left out, and for me not to do that with DD was depriving her and she would feel left out by her peers.

"THEY AREN'T EVEN TWO!" - my mind screamed

When my DD is older - an example, if she is at a birthday party at McD's, or Pizza Hut, she will have the same as her friends (i.e. I won't be there with the organic carrot sticks and wholemeal-stoneground-homemade-bread saying she isn't allowed), but at 20m the need hasn't arisen for her to have these in her diet, and I'm not causing her to feel 'uncool' cos she hasn't had them yet?

DD hasn't had a Fruit Shoot, she loves watered down apple juice (asks for it all the time) and didn't like cordial when I gave her some to try. I love baking so we usually have homemade cakes in the house, therefore I don't buy them.

I came away from the chat feeling that either I was a mean mother (my first time around so I'm not very confident as a parent) or some kind of crack-pot who restricts her daughters diet..... am I?

OP posts:
EricNorthmansMistress · 20/01/2011 16:41

Your friend is actually bonkers.

jessiealbright · 20/01/2011 16:43

I think this is all in your friend's head. Perhaps she remembers feeling envious of other children's branded food when she was a (much older than 2 years old, however) child?

Sirzy · 20/01/2011 16:44

It would have to be one hell of a cake to make me even consider paying that!

bubbleymummy · 20/01/2011 16:45

YANBU. Your friend sounds quite mad and I dread to think what her daughter will turn out like! Clearly all the advertising and marketing works on some people though :)

jessiealbright · 20/01/2011 16:46

Hang on, just caught up to the cake tangent?

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat? Wedding cake, maybe, but a child's birthday cake? Golly gosh.

Hullygully · 20/01/2011 16:47

Your daughter will be a warped social outcast.

pipplin · 20/01/2011 16:49

YANBU! She sounds very insecure.

pipplin · 20/01/2011 16:50

I've seen those cakes, in our local baby magazine. Its barmy.

alligatorpurse · 20/01/2011 16:51

It also works the other way you know. Your dd will realise home-made cakes taste much better and might make a comment at your friend's house about the tasteless muck she serves up.

My dd(9) recently politely declined a piece of cake at a party because it was "obviously not home-made." (she said quietly to me at least). Oh dear.

SecretNutellaFix · 20/01/2011 16:52

Sorry, but £100 for a birthday cake?

A FIRST birthday cake at that?

I think someone will be in for a sharp wake up call when their child gets older.

Tryharder · 20/01/2011 16:52

Obviously YANBU. But then she is not a bad mother for giving her DD the odd Fruit Shoot or shop bought fairy cake either.

[shrugs]

bubbleymummy · 20/01/2011 16:53

Would it be completely tactless to bring up the store bought cakes that were caught up in the recent liquid egg scandal? :) You don't get that with homemade cake!

SecretNutellaFix · 20/01/2011 16:53

no one was questioning her parenting. I think it's the arrogance that shop bought is better that's wound people up.

EldritchCleavage · 20/01/2011 16:56

IS your friend feeling inadequate and defensive because she doesn't bake, do you think? And rather over-doing the catty remarks to cover it up?

togarama · 20/01/2011 16:59

YANBU. Your friend is very odd.

As a pp noted, many shop bought cakes often taste like (and are made of) rubbish. I prefer cake that is made of eggs, butter and flour. I would rather feed this to my toddler.

Kids can eat rubbish when they're old enough to buy it with their own pocket money as far as I'm concerned.

If they feel uncool and left out they should just get over it. If they can't cope with this minor difference how are they ever going to cope with the bigger challenges of life?

Original poster
LifeIsButtercream · 20/01/2011 17:00

(goes a bit giddy about the £100 cake)

The funny thing is - they didn't cut the cake at the party - it was never cut, none of it was eaten - it was for 'decoration' - it hung around for a few weeks until it started to look a bit dodgy and then it was chucked.

I don't mean to question my friends parenting, and I'm not trying to say she isn't doing a good job - I was just wondering whether her thoughts that I was a bit bonkers were actually grounded

OP posts:
SweetKate · 20/01/2011 17:03

YANBU. However, my DS is 5 and has never liked anything like fruitshoots or haribo. He only drinks milk and water and eats plain chocolate. Most of his school friends mums think I am a bit odd - but it isn't me, it is him! He got v upset at a party last year when they only served fruitshoots. He hadn't got the confidence to go and ask for some water and as parents weren't allowed to stay I knew nothing of this until he came home really upset. Now he always takes a bottle of water with him wherever he goes, just in case!

BrigitBigKnickers · 20/01/2011 17:03

What a total loon.

SecretNutellaFix · 20/01/2011 17:05

They didn't even eat the cake?

Sorry, I now know who's child I would rather be.
Mum, when will the bowl be empty?Grin

jessiealbright · 20/01/2011 17:11

Your friend has issoos around appearances and fashion, doesn't she?

Paying nearly £100 for a cake, just to chuck it in the bin!

She should read this.

missmehalia · 20/01/2011 17:13

I hope you laughed when she said this. A perfect example of projection.. her DS will not ever learn to cook and look after himself, from the sounds of it, either. At that age they LOVE to be involved in the things you do. You're so right to be capitalising on that. Fair play to you, OP, it takes patience to involve little ones in cooking, but it really pays off.

tabulahrasa · 20/01/2011 17:13

hahahahahaha

ach she's clearly not right in the head, who pays £100 for a cake and then doesn't eat it? Ignore anything she ever says about cake, she's not to be listened to...

MinnieBar · 20/01/2011 17:14

I think your friend is one of those people who equates how much you pay for something with quality, and also brands with quality.

Not. Remotely. The. Same.

(disclaimer: except sometimes. But not in the case of fruit shoots and that horrible character rice paper stuff on top of bought cakes.)

Onetoomanycornettos · 20/01/2011 17:16

At 20 months, I doubt either your or her daughters are socially aware of the branded products they consume!

So, your approach is fine IMO as long as you realise that when she's older, and out and about, she may get exposed to food that you don't particularly like and nothing bad will happen as a result!

Original poster
LifeIsButtercream · 20/01/2011 17:16

Thats very well put Minnie!

OP posts: