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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think "No! I'm not depriving her"

83 replies

LifeIsButtercream · 20/01/2011 16:25

Ok, please don't pelt me with {biscuit], I'm not meaning to come accross as wondermum or trying to polish my halo, I'm just confused:

A friend of mine and I were chatting about what our LOs had been up to (her DS is almost exactly the same age as my DD). The conversation turned to LOs fave food (and the often amusing eating antics of 20m olds). I mentioned that I'd been making cakes with DD as a treat and she said that homemade cakes could never be treats to children, only 'shop bought ones with cartoon characters, like their friends have'.

I was a bit Hmm and she continued to say that she made sure her DS had fruit shoots/character-endorsed yogurts/cheese-strings etc 'the same as his friends' so that he wouldn't feel left out, and for me not to do that with DD was depriving her and she would feel left out by her peers.

"THEY AREN'T EVEN TWO!" - my mind screamed

When my DD is older - an example, if she is at a birthday party at McD's, or Pizza Hut, she will have the same as her friends (i.e. I won't be there with the organic carrot sticks and wholemeal-stoneground-homemade-bread saying she isn't allowed), but at 20m the need hasn't arisen for her to have these in her diet, and I'm not causing her to feel 'uncool' cos she hasn't had them yet?

DD hasn't had a Fruit Shoot, she loves watered down apple juice (asks for it all the time) and didn't like cordial when I gave her some to try. I love baking so we usually have homemade cakes in the house, therefore I don't buy them.

I came away from the chat feeling that either I was a mean mother (my first time around so I'm not very confident as a parent) or some kind of crack-pot who restricts her daughters diet..... am I?

OP posts:
Lonnie · 20/01/2011 17:17

When we do the cake sale at the school the ones that goes first are the home made ones with icing and sweeties on them not the shop bought perfect ones..

I think that says it all

EldritchCleavage · 20/01/2011 17:36

It's weird how some people are about cakes. My sister has a little sideline doing cakes for birthdays and functions and people are SO concerned about appearances. Most of them don't even care what flavour it is or how it's made, they only care about the decoration, which is usually an OTT TV or film theme.

Remember when birthday cake meant home-made sponge with jam?

lifeinlimbo · 20/01/2011 17:37

Your 'friend' is surely winding you up. Or she feels inadequate because she cant make anything decent.

You could invite her over one day to help DD make a cake, so she can learn how its done. Bless her.

Shop bought stuff is grim, and getting worse in this financial climate. I got some 'bakery' ones from the supermarket that were barely edible. God they were disgusting, couldnt eat it and it was supposed to be chocolate!!

ProfYaffle · 20/01/2011 17:45

So true Eldritch. I had a cake made for my Mum's birthday, looked fab, tasted like sawdust. The cake I made for dd1's 4th birthday looked slightly wonky but tasted divine!

My dc love making cakes and biscuits at home, I'm quite proud that dd1 knows the sponge recipe by heart. They've also been known to quietly push shop bought cakes aside.

Aims80 · 20/01/2011 17:48

she sounds crackers!

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 20/01/2011 17:50

Eldritch - you mean like the one I made for DS' birthday last year? Grin

OP - your friend sounds mad, and vastly insecure.

Popbiscuit · 20/01/2011 17:59

Nothing beats homemade cake. It's so easy and so much healthier than shop-bought and is a great activity to do with kids. Mine are delighted when I pack homemade treats in their lunchboxes as they get to tell their friends that they 'helped' to make them. Keep baking! Why not invite your friend and her child over one day to bake so she can see how easy/fun/delicious it is.

LadyintheRadiator · 20/01/2011 18:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 20/01/2011 18:07

Anyone who thinks that factory produced bits of 'sponge' with a multi coloured e-number filled character on the top is more of a treat than a home made fairy cake is off their rocker and their opinion should be discarded.

DD is 3.0yrs, she has been to MacDonalds and only ever had fishfingers, fruit and milk. When she's older I daresay she'll have a burger but we haven't come to that bridge yet, I'm certainly not taking her to it.

You sound very sensible, your friend sounds very odd.

pacita · 20/01/2011 18:08

YANBU. She's the one depriving hers of a healthy diet, IMO.

onepieceoflollipop · 20/01/2011 18:09

I completely agree with you OP.

I also think that your dd can have home made cake (when she is older) AND have characters or whatever on it.

dd1 was recently 7. I made her a Percy Piglet cake. Basically I made a normal victoria sponge (4 egg size) and topped it with pale pink glace icing. Then I bought some percy piglet jelly sweets (M&S) she loved it.

Did similar with jelly babies when dd2 was 2. (I must stress I am no cake decorator and your friend would probably advise me to take it back to the bakery and complain Wink

Also, (for future reference) it is possible to buy things like Disney Princess decorations (about £2 for a small tub) in the icing sugar aisle.

If dds get cake in party bags I usually throw it away if it is dried up crumbly "character cake" from Tesco or similar. Not because I am snobby but because it is dry and tasteless usually.

hth :)

LadyintheRadiator · 20/01/2011 18:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cheekyseamonkey · 20/01/2011 18:51

YANBU - She sounds useless and jealous.

Eglu · 20/01/2011 18:55

All children love homemade cakes. My DC would rather have a cake they helped make than a bought one. Your friend is nuts

trixie123 · 20/01/2011 19:02

completely agree with OP. Can a 20 month old manage to "help?" Mine s 17m and I can't wait to bake with him as its one of my favourite things but it seems a long way off yet.

CurlywurlyGirl · 20/01/2011 19:27

OP YA definitely NBU.

I will admit to having purchased DD a Cinderella's Coach birthday cake from M&S for her 7th birthday at a cost of £42! Blush

Last year for her 9th birthday I was on an economy drive and made her a chocolate fudge cake - she said it was the nicest one she had ever tasted (and my DD doesn't pull any punches with me if she thinks something I've made tastes rubbish!!). Grin

sungirltan · 20/01/2011 19:54

yanbu. your friend sounds very affected. an advertisers dream infact!

my dd (16 months) must also be extra deprived - only occasional shop bought treats and fruit shoots over my dead body!

the dumb thing about this mum described in the op is that she doesnt' understand that toddlers dont know what they're missing until much later. daft to waste her money, and her dc's teeth :-(

toeragsnotriches · 20/01/2011 19:58

She sounds a bit insecure to me.

FoundWanting · 20/01/2011 20:08

Can't comment on the £100 cake, because my brain refuses to wrestle with such a concept.

But, what sort of person goes to a child's birthday party and sees fir to comment on the quality of the birthday cake? Confused

mommmmyof2 · 20/01/2011 20:20

YANBU my dc prefer making cakes at home anyway, it is more fun!

onceamai · 20/01/2011 20:21

Even at 16 and 12 mine think the biggest treat is mum baking and HELPING and LICKING THE SPOON AND THE BOWL.

Bumperlicious · 20/01/2011 20:23

This is the sort of thing my mum would say! She was feeding dd1 chocolate buttons without my knowledge at a year old.

That said, I must have the only 3 year old who doesn't like cake! Despite this I still slave over a home made cake every year, a green '1' with iced flowers, Peppa Pig for the 2nd birthday, & Diego last year. She has already ordered a Monster's Inc one for this year - god knows how I'm going to do that.

Sops · 20/01/2011 20:31

I really can't understand the way some people actually think kids can only eat crap and that children don't like anything which is healthy!
If you give them the opportunity to eat well, they will. If you only offer them processed foods, that's all they will eat- simple.
Your friend is clearly feeling inferior because she lets her dcs eat things that really she knows aren't good for them and you don't.
Therefore she tries to make you feel bad so that she'll feel better.
Just ignore her comments and carry on the way you choose- just content yourself with the thought that when they're adults I can guarantee yours will have a good diet because you showed them what real food is like when they were kids.

mumsgotatum · 20/01/2011 20:33

YANBU....that kind of 'food', fruit shoots and cheese strings and the like are party food not everyday food. I would never give them to my children but if we are at a party of course they would be allowed. I'm with you OP

hogshead · 20/01/2011 20:38

Sorry I am still in shock from the first page of this thread.

One hundred pounds on a child's birthday cake?

And I thought I was being excessive hiring a cake tin for five quid!