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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think 'Homophobic' is a word used too freely?

109 replies

Sugarfairy · 19/01/2011 11:42

A thread here got me thinking-

I know this is a taboo subject but I think the word 'Homophobic' is being used almost to bully people.

I think it should be alright for people to say if they feel uncomfortable with homosexual displays. Wait, wait a minute, let me explain..

If you are not used to homosexuality being displayed - lets face it, its still relatively new as an 'accepted' sexuality- all the civil partnership legalities are still, comparatively new. And in some cultures, it is still very much taboo.

In the same way I am a bit uncomfortable when I see someone with lots of piercings or goths (personally, I don't particularly like either- but if i got to know & like someone before seeing the tatoos/piercings etc, it wouldn't affect the way I feel about them. I feel the same about public homosexual displays- Does that make me 'homophobic?

I certainly don't think so. Its just not what I am used to. I most certainly wouldn't want to beat them up or attack them or treat them less favourably. Isn't that what homophobia really is? Treating someone less favourably because of their sexuality?
I feel physically sick when I hear of people attacking a homosexual person or calling them names or refusing to serve them. I think that goes again human decency, I don' regard a homosexual person as any less human than me. I just am not used to the way of life and my religion says it's not right.

Yet these day, if you even suggest you don't like the thought of homosexual acts, due to religion or upbringing, the term 'homophobe' is immediately slung around.

And for that reason, I've never mentioned or discussed this.

I feel its a free world, we shouldn't be made to feel guilty for feeling a bit uncomfortable about things that rub against what we are used to or what we may or may not feel is morally right.

This is a call for people to think of it from the other point of view- for debate.

Not a call for offensive or insulting comments.

OP posts:
kreecherlivesupstairs · 19/01/2011 11:44

I don't understand what you hope to achieve by starting this TBH.

Flisspaps · 19/01/2011 11:45

Homosexual displays?

clumsymumluckybaby · 19/01/2011 11:46

YABU

Sugarfairy · 19/01/2011 11:47

kreecher what i'm trying to achieve is to make people stop and think 'was that comment really homophobic?' before calling someone that.
I just read through another thread where someone said they felt uncomfortable with xyz and immediately got called names and quickly hushed up.

OP posts:
MinnieBar · 19/01/2011 11:49

'I feel the same about public homosexual displays- Does that make me 'homophobic?'

Yes it does.

LetThereBeRock · 19/01/2011 11:49

I never understand what people mean when they talk about the 'homosexual lifestyle' or homosexual 'way of life'.
What are they talking about? Which aspect of the 'homosexual lifestyle' is the issue here?
Is it the shopping at Tesco? The making cups of tea? Going to work? Looking after the kids? Arguing? or putting the recycling out?

mutznutz · 19/01/2011 11:50

I understand what you mean OP and yes I think it's all down to people's personal perception of the word.

It's the same with 'racist' and 'bully'...they can often be found being used in a completely inappropriate way because the person using them doesn't really understand them.

trice · 19/01/2011 11:50

You do sound a little homophobic tbh. It's your right to be so. I don't agree with you, which is my right.

MissB75 · 19/01/2011 11:51

It certainly is a word used to freely, along with racist, normally when someone doesn't get their own way or doesn't like a decision that has been made!

I do not or will I ever condone the use of violence just because some neanderthal thinks it's clever to beat someone up because they are gay or black.

BUT it does piss me off when people claim to have been discriminated against when they clearly haven't.

MumInBeds · 19/01/2011 11:51

If the same act between people of opposite sexes doesn't make you uncomfortable then yes, you're homophobic.

LetThereBeRock · 19/01/2011 11:51

Or have I been deluding myself for years,and the 'homosexual lifestyle' really does involve rampant sex in public,copious quantities of champagne,cocktails and caviar? And if so where do I sign up?

Sugarfairy · 19/01/2011 11:52

Clumsy if you feel uncomfortable around someone, does that make you phobic to them?

I think genuine homophobia, like being a perv and if someone really isn't then its quite insulting to be called that.

I've never been called that. A close friend of mine who knows how its viewed in our background came out to me. I was concerned about how he would be received and we discussed it. He understood full well and it hasnt changed the way i feel about him or altered my treatment of him.

OP posts:
kreecherlivesupstairs · 19/01/2011 11:54

I'm going over to lesbianism if letherebe's lifestyle choices include copious champagne. I'll leave the caviar to the others.
I have several male gay friends and they certainly don't indulge in any of that behaviour. Only one is a bit queeny and three of the others are primary school teachers.

Anniegetyourgun · 19/01/2011 11:55

My dictionary says you're wrong. That discomfort you feel about homosexuality is, technically, homophobia. I wouldn't have a go at you about it because you can't help how you feel and you do believe that people shouldn't be discriminated against because of it. However it's something you might hope to grow out of with familiarity and positive thinking.

LeninGrad · 19/01/2011 11:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LetThereBeRock · 19/01/2011 11:58

'I have several male gay friends and they certainly don't indulge in any of that behaviour. Only one is a bit queeny and three of the others are primary school teachers.'

That's what they'd have you believe,but as soon as your back is turned,they're off, onto the streets,subjecting the general population to 'homosexual displays' probably while naked.

WimpleOfTheBallet · 19/01/2011 11:58

Are you about 75? If so then YANBU. Otherwise get over yourself. It's not about YOUR feelings love.

thenightsky · 19/01/2011 11:58

Perhaps its the 'phobic' bit of the word that makes it sound like it should only be applied to people with extreme fear.

I'm slightly uncomfortable around spiders, but I wouldn't say I was phobic.

LeninGrad · 19/01/2011 12:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

2shoes · 19/01/2011 12:00
cory · 19/01/2011 12:00

What do these homosexual displays look like? And where can I see one?

Sugarfairy · 19/01/2011 12:01

Lol Lenin no one is rubbing against me Grin

But it is a sign of exactly what i meant that 2 seconds after I wrote the OP I felt like pulling the thread as I was terrified of people calling me a homophobe. Argh!

What I'm trying to say is that I think it's okay to not be comfortable with an idea- its not what we're openly used to. As someone else said- with time and exposure, I may get used to it.

What is wrong is treating someone differently or worse because of it.

OP posts:
yousankmybattleship · 19/01/2011 12:01

Blimey - where are these homosexual displays?

I held my husband's hand in Sainsburys the other day. I'd have found it all a bit more thrilling if I'd thought of it as a heterosexual display!

Oh - and yes, you are homophobic.

LeninGrad · 19/01/2011 12:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LetThereBeRock · 19/01/2011 12:02

'What do these homosexual displays look like? And where can I see one?'

Oh anywhere at all. Surely you must have noticed the plethora of humping gay men on your local high street?

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