to think 'Homophobic' is a word used too freely?

[Sugarfairy]

A thread here got me thinking-

I know this is a taboo subject but I think the word 'Homophobic' is being used almost to bully people.

I think it should be alright for people to say if they feel uncomfortable with homosexual displays. Wait, wait a minute, let me explain..

If you are not used to homosexuality being displayed - lets face it, its still relatively new as an 'accepted' sexuality- all the civil partnership legalities are still, comparatively new. And in some cultures, it is still very much taboo.

In the same way I am a bit uncomfortable when I see someone with lots of piercings or goths (personally, I don't particularly like either- but if i got to know & like someone before seeing the tatoos/piercings etc, it wouldn't affect the way I feel about them. I feel the same about public homosexual displays- Does that make me 'homophobic?

I certainly don't think so. Its just not what I am used to. I most certainly wouldn't want to beat them up or attack them or treat them less favourably. Isn't that what homophobia really is? Treating someone less favourably because of their sexuality?
I feel physically sick when I hear of people attacking a homosexual person or calling them names or refusing to serve them. I think that goes again human decency, I don' regard a homosexual person as any less human than me. I just am not used to the way of life and my religion says it's not right.

Yet these day, if you even suggest you don't like the thought of homosexual acts, due to religion or upbringing, the term 'homophobe' is immediately slung around.

And for that reason, I've never mentioned or discussed this.

I feel its a free world, we shouldn't be made to feel guilty for feeling a bit uncomfortable about things that rub against what we are used to or what we may or may not feel is morally right.

This is a call for people to think of it from the other point of view- for debate.

Not a call for offensive or insulting comments.

THAT exactly illustrates my point.

Everyone assumes that you will behave differntly because you think the way you think. Which is misguided.

Kreecher as I mentioned, a friend of mine is gay, I habv met his boyfriend, they have had tea in my house. We have joked, laughed and I have thought- he's really nice.

FWIW beacuse of my religion and background, I don't like public displays of affection by heterosexuals either- I have a viusual mind and I walk away imagining the rest of it!

So the rights of gay people to not be discriminated against beat the rights of other cultures/religions to be accepted/tolerated?

I definitely think it should be this way round.

Ahhh, thank goodness people have come along who understand what I am saying without being judgemental about me as a person!

Reality Leviticus 18:22

There was an Elton John surrogate thread recently and one poster, no matter what anyone's reasons for not agreeing with surrogacy, kept screeching at them that they were homophobic. Yes, the word is just thrown around by some people.

But sugar, the word you're talking about doesn't describe actions, it describes feelings. You want us all to say it's not homophobic to feel the way you feel.

Without any of the issues around morality, you are simply wrong here.

If you are so upset about this word being used about you, I'd suggest you question why you're upset and face up to it, rather than expecting the rest of the word to change its lexicon for you.

Othehuge is it discrimination to feel uncomfortable? Or to tret them differently?

there's a huge difference between the 2.

I have walked into interviews where I know the interviewers have been a bit uncomfortable- all shifty, patronising, and with some assumptions. That soon ends when the interview starts. and I got most jobs I interviewed for. The initial disconfort doesn't make them racist. They are just not used to black people.

See where I am going with it?

People do not have the right "not to be offended". If something offends you and it is not against the law then tough cheese. Your religious views may offend some, but so long as you worship without causing hassle to others, most people will put up with you having an effigy of a dead bloke on two bits of wood stuck everywhere, or dodgy looking minarets placed on ugly buildings.

You seem to have a very limited understanding of christianity - if all christianity consisted of was following the OT and NT word for word, have you not wondered why there are so many differnet forms of christianity?

The Salvation Army does discriminate againsg gay people. See here.

The individual members may not,but the organisation certainly seems to do so.

Littlered the reason why I get upset is because the word -as I see it- is used to describe people who beat up/insult/refuse to serve/are generally horrible to homosexual people. I was bullied as a child and I most certainly have a lot of compassion. My husband says I can empathise with anything or anyone. So I don't understand why the word is used as freely as it is.

'Is it discrimination ... to treat them differently?'

Er, yes. In a word. Obviously it is.

This seems to me to be almost as much a language issue to you, as anything else. You don't know what these words mean, but you feel offended by their association with you, because you know they suggest bad things about you.

Instead of hoping people would stop using these terms about you, why not find out what they really mean, and then ask yourself if they really apply to you, or not. If they do, is that what you want, or do you need to re-examine your beliefs?

You can't move round our town for rutting gays. I had to step over a threesome to get into Poundland the other day.

Hmmm. I have a few gay friends and couldn't give a stuff re their sexual preferences. The only person who's sex life I am interested in is my own.

However...occasionally I'll encounter someone who makes everything about their sexuality...overt mincing, constant innuendo and reminding everyone that they are gay every 5 minutes. I don't think it makes me homophobic to think 'just fuck off out of my face will you!'.

Perhaps Sugar has met such people also.

Religions don't need to be changed but surly we can now pick and chose slightly which bits we follow? My grandmother attends a CofE church in London, one of the oldest in the city and the priest is a gay man. Religion is not a cause but an excuse. I personally think yes this is a case of homophobia. And for the record no i don't enjoy seeing ANY couple gay or straight snogging in public, prude? yes definitely.

If it's just a question of not being used to seeing two men or two women having a snog or holding hands, may I suggest some educational viewing material? I'm sure if you google "hot gay action" you will soon become acclimatised. Enjoy!

Lenin the OP was started because it has someone become (apparently) socially unacceptable to say- oh, I'm uncomfortable with the idea of homoesexuality. I brought up the topic of my friend not to score points but to show that it IS possible to be uncomfortable about it without it affecting how you treat & feel about people as individuals.

Is this display a little bit homosexual?

You've got to wonder about this one too.

And this one

Not to mention this one

at Unquiet.

If that's the defining characteristic, my cousin's wedding was the epitome of screaming queenyness.

Littlered
The editing you've done says the opposite of what my original post did:

"Othehuge is it discrimination to feel uncomfortable? Or to tret (sic) them differently?

there's a huge difference between the 2."

Yes, as you say, I completely agree that it is discriminatory to treat people diffrently

Sugarfairy, you need to stop thinking about other people having sex.

It's not possible for you to know what people do in the privacy of their relationships - a sweet, elderly male/female couple could be rodgering each other silly with double dildoes every Friday night. Equally a same sex couple might prefer a cup of cocoa and a good book.

I think if you could stop the lurid images popping into your head when you see two men holding hands you might be far more comfortable with the idea of same sex relationships.

It is your problem though, and when you go on about feeling uncomfortable and it being against your religion you do make it someone else's problem (in that you could make a gay person feel uncomfortable/sad/angry by what you say/write even if it's not your intention) and that's not really fair is it?