to think 'Homophobic' is a word used too freely?

[Sugarfairy]

A thread here got me thinking-

I know this is a taboo subject but I think the word 'Homophobic' is being used almost to bully people.

I think it should be alright for people to say if they feel uncomfortable with homosexual displays. Wait, wait a minute, let me explain..

If you are not used to homosexuality being displayed - lets face it, its still relatively new as an 'accepted' sexuality- all the civil partnership legalities are still, comparatively new. And in some cultures, it is still very much taboo.

In the same way I am a bit uncomfortable when I see someone with lots of piercings or goths (personally, I don't particularly like either- but if i got to know & like someone before seeing the tatoos/piercings etc, it wouldn't affect the way I feel about them. I feel the same about public homosexual displays- Does that make me 'homophobic?

I certainly don't think so. Its just not what I am used to. I most certainly wouldn't want to beat them up or attack them or treat them less favourably. Isn't that what homophobia really is? Treating someone less favourably because of their sexuality?
I feel physically sick when I hear of people attacking a homosexual person or calling them names or refusing to serve them. I think that goes again human decency, I don' regard a homosexual person as any less human than me. I just am not used to the way of life and my religion says it's not right.

Yet these day, if you even suggest you don't like the thought of homosexual acts, due to religion or upbringing, the term 'homophobe' is immediately slung around.

And for that reason, I've never mentioned or discussed this.

I feel its a free world, we shouldn't be made to feel guilty for feeling a bit uncomfortable about things that rub against what we are used to or what we may or may not feel is morally right.

This is a call for people to think of it from the other point of view- for debate.

Not a call for offensive or insulting comments.

There's a generational factor in play here.

Homosexuality was illegal until 1967. People in about their 60s and older have lived in very different circumstances and it is not uncommon to find that that has left a proportion with a different, but engrained, view. You cannot stop people from holding such a view - legislation covers the manifestations of it.

my religion says it's not right

sounds pretty judgemental and hostile to me

YABU

Nightsky I think that's just it. The extremity of it..

Lenin I think the phrase should be used when someone has done or said something hateful. Not for daring to voice an opinion

wimple no, I'm not 75, I'm 28, wasn't born british, in the culture I'm from, it so taboo, you dare not even say the word- deosn't mean it didn't happen- it did whilst I was there and there was much whispering. Again I think its sad for people to live a lie. So, I'm certainly not used to it. Its not about my feelings. This is an opinion forum - its about those who don't consider themselves to hate anyone who is homosexual but feels they dare not contribute what they think for fear of being shouted down.

i get what you're saying sugarfairy. but unless you can come up with specific examples of what you mean by 'homosexual displays' then I think people (including me) are wondering why you are thinking about homosexual acts at all. I don't look at people and think about them having sex, that would be very peculiar.

and is this both gay men and lesbians which is making you uncomfortable or just the blokes?

You can't get it both ways!

You want to be homophobic but you want us to use a different name for it so we don't hurt your feelings?

I think she wants us to pat her hand lg and say of course it is ok to feel it is yucky and wrong to be gay just so long as you don't actually do anything about it. except post on an internet forum.

Helen so, let me get this right- Catholic religion, Islam etc which all say this are judgemental and hostile?

It IS possible to say its not right according to your creed, but still accept, love and treat them the same way as everyone else. Why cant people get that.

Discomfort around sexuality in general isn't a prejudice (like thinking about relatives or people you find unattractive having sex), it is okay to be a bit cringey. That isn't quite what you are saying. Had you said: "I don't like the idea of bum sex at all and therefore feel uncomfortable when gay men talk about having sex," that would be okay and not judgemental. You must know that some people would find the idea of you having sex a bit yucky, it's not a judgement, just an artefact of how we choose our partners. It is why we don't poke our nose into other people's sex lives.

However, when you venture an opinion on an entire group of people and try and justify it because you have religion, you are not just a bit squeamish because it doesn't match your sexual preferences, you are being homophobic. You should recognise that more people would be horrified at your reaction to two men holding hands than the men themselves and perhaps it is time to keep these thoughts to yourself. You should be able to see two people holding hands without instantly thinking about their bedroom antics.

This is one of those moments where liberalism hits an internal contradiction.

One rule of being liberal says we have to respect other cultures instead of shouting them down as 'wrong' and ours as 'right'.

Another rule of being liberal says that homophobia is wrong.

So if someone says 'It's part of my culture to be homophobic', do you respect their culture or rebuke them for being homophobic?

Right, you've decided my course of action. GJ and his partner are not coming to my house to eat my food and sleep on *my
bed sofa on Saturday just in case I get an eyeful of their homosexual displays.
Although to be fair to GJ, his classroom displays are always very tasteful.

good post runnerhasbeen.

fishie I just saw a male couple snogging. Thats what I meant. Nothing rude.

'I think the phrase should be used when someone has done or said something hateful. Not for daring to voice an opinion'

Ok.

Homphobia comes from Greek. It means fear of homosexuals. The term 'phobia' does also carry a connotation of revulsion/hatred. But it does not refer to discrimination (as you said in your OP), or just to 'people that I think are nastier than little old me' (which is what you're getting at.

You don't get to re-define words just because you don't like them being applied to you.

I don't think 'homophobic' is ever used too freely. If you're comfortable with straight people holding hands/kissing etc but not gay people then you are homophobic.

Now 'racist' is a whole different ballgame.

What's wrong with a male couple snogging? Would you cringe if you saw a M/F couple snogging?

"my religion says it's not right"

Change your religion then. Seriously, take a long hard look at your belief system that explicitly states that it is unacceptable for two of "God's" creatures to love each other and ask yourself, would a loving caring omnipotent being really condem what they have created? Or maybe it's more likely that men (it's always men) who wrote the religion rules were threatened by men who don't look and behave exactly like them.

"It IS possible to say its not right according to your creed, but still accept, love and treat them the same way as everyone else. Why cant people get that."

You are not treating someone the same if you have decided a priori that they are morally wrong on the basis of who they happen to be attracted to. How can you not see that?

YANBU... All kinds of things can make anyone feel uncomfortable without necessarily making them 'phobic'. We're all making private judgements all the time on cues that can be rational, prejudicial, cultural. As long as those judgements stay private and don't lead us to act illegally or treat others badly, we shouldn't be labelled.