to think 'Homophobic' is a word used too freely?

[Sugarfairy]

A thread here got me thinking-

I know this is a taboo subject but I think the word 'Homophobic' is being used almost to bully people.

I think it should be alright for people to say if they feel uncomfortable with homosexual displays. Wait, wait a minute, let me explain..

If you are not used to homosexuality being displayed - lets face it, its still relatively new as an 'accepted' sexuality- all the civil partnership legalities are still, comparatively new. And in some cultures, it is still very much taboo.

In the same way I am a bit uncomfortable when I see someone with lots of piercings or goths (personally, I don't particularly like either- but if i got to know & like someone before seeing the tatoos/piercings etc, it wouldn't affect the way I feel about them. I feel the same about public homosexual displays- Does that make me 'homophobic?

I certainly don't think so. Its just not what I am used to. I most certainly wouldn't want to beat them up or attack them or treat them less favourably. Isn't that what homophobia really is? Treating someone less favourably because of their sexuality?
I feel physically sick when I hear of people attacking a homosexual person or calling them names or refusing to serve them. I think that goes again human decency, I don' regard a homosexual person as any less human than me. I just am not used to the way of life and my religion says it's not right.

Yet these day, if you even suggest you don't like the thought of homosexual acts, due to religion or upbringing, the term 'homophobe' is immediately slung around.

And for that reason, I've never mentioned or discussed this.

I feel its a free world, we shouldn't be made to feel guilty for feeling a bit uncomfortable about things that rub against what we are used to or what we may or may not feel is morally right.

This is a call for people to think of it from the other point of view- for debate.

Not a call for offensive or insulting comments.

Seven in a phrase, yes.

Why can people not have the right to feel uncomfortable with x, y and z and still understand that it is rude to say so? Even on internet forums. If you had kept your feelings to yourself, OP, nobody would have been troubled by them. Nobody would have gone digging into your brain to unmask you. Feel on, feel on- there is absolutely no law against it! As long as you don't upset other people or expect them to accommodate your feelings.

But cory its an opinion and when topics are started asking for opinions.. thats what you give in as inoffensive way as you can.

Its like me turning round and saying to all those who disagree that they have been bullying me- Bullyinghomophobic* are all really strong words and theres a danger of curtailing freedom of speech by overuse.

I feel uncomfortable with full on snogging in public, groping, regardless of whether this is a hetero couple or a gay couple. It somehow makes me feel as though I have walked in on an intimate moment, makes me blush. I accept that this is my thoughts and I am responsible for those. I would not mention it to the couple, I'd rather avert my eyes. Maybe I am wrong, I don't know, it is just the way I feel.

On the other hand, I have an ex friend who is gay, I do not have a problem with his sexuality, but when I expressed my concerns many years ago at his constant reference to sexual acts/behaviour, in front of my DC at the time too, he was horrified. Not horrified because he hadn't noticed he was making these references, but horrified I should have a problem with it. He accused me of homophobia.

I do not class myself as homophobic, and I do think my ex friend is a rarity, to behave the way he did, but it does show me that there is a very small minority of gay people who may use the homophobic label for their own gain. Personally, I have never heard a heterosexual person claim they have been discriminated against because they are heterosexual.

To clarify, I do not wish to hear a heterosexual person discussing their sex lives/sex acts they have performed in great detail either and would de friend them if they insisted on doing this in front of my young DC after I have asked them not to.

FWIW, I believe there is far more discrimination against gay people than gay people claiming homophobia where there is none.

Ah never mind, I don't take anything too seriously..

I'm off now. Nice having a debate.. See yous later

x

Eh? You said 'is it discrimination to feel uncomfortable? Or to treat them differently?'

So, again, my answer is, yes it is discrimination.

My editing didn't change the meaning of your post at all, so far as I can see.

'Discrimination' means differentiating between people or things. If you feel differently about homosexuals from the way you feel about heterosexuals, you are making a discrimination. If that discrimination stays in your own mind, you can pat yourself on the back for being polite I'm sure. But don't kid yourself that it somehow 'doesn't count' because you're not beating anyone up or spitting at them in the street.

I prefer not to think about anyone having sex, be they heterosexual or homosexual. But that's probably just me being a dried up old prude

OK, so Leviticus 18 says homosexuality is wrong. Leviticus 21:18 says that men with flat noses shouldn't be priests.

Would you be keen to see that enforced too? Or are you selective about which bits of the Bible you follow literally?

So, you:

1. ask for an opinion
2. get one
3. don't like it
4. therefore claim it is bullying?

Which fits perfectly your original post

1. you express a homophobic opinion
2. someone calls you out on it
3. you don't like it
4. you try and get homophobic re-classified so it no longer refers to you

v good (gives up and goes elsewhere)

And are you similarly anxious about clothes made of two kinds of material (Leviticus 19:19)?

OP, people can think what they like but when they start trapping off on the internet (or anywhere else) then that is when homophobia is displayed. You are acting on your prejudice by commenting publicly about how uneasy and intolerant you are.

DH hates men kissing but is quite partial to lesbian DVDs!

That's a really stupid and offensive thing to post bluenordic.

In a way you are right. If you feel uncomfortable seeing two men snogging then you feel uncomfortable - you can't help that. That in itself is not really homophobic or if it is it doesn't matter as it doesn't manifest itself in any way. You have the right to your own thoughts and feeling. But as soon as you voice those thoughts, as you have done here, then that starts becomes homophobia.

So basically as long as you keep your discomfort to yourself and don't treat homosexuals differently you are not really homophobic but once you voice it you are. Therefore by starting a thread in this way you had to expect to be called homophobic.

Clearly there are degrees of homophobia just as there are degrees of racism but doesn't mean the words shouldn't be used at the less extreme end.

scurryfunge - crossed posts there. I think that must be right. Like you name by the way - had that on my calendar of disused words the other day.

A perfectly reasonable starting post OP, but it appears the heckling, shouting down and general debate stifling noise has followed you from the other thread.

IMO it is instinctive for straight people to feel a bit uncomfortable about the sexuality of gay people, and so I suspect the majority are homophobic to a very mild degree. They just hide it well.

No doubt many gay people are hetrophobic.

I think the homophobic word is misused by many to mean discrimination, and is now so overused as to be laughable when it comes up in a thread. Same as racist, bigot and other favoured buzzwords that once had impact but are now bandied around simply to control the debate.

I dislike public displays of blackness. I don't have anything against them and don't care what they do behind closed doors, but when I see it in public it just makes me feel uncomfortable. I can't help it cause I'm not used to it, doesn't make me racist though.

Do you really think it's instinctive ccpccp? I'm fairly certain it's learned behaviour.

Behaviour that my 93 year old grandmother managed to un-learn and my 4 year old hasn't learnt.

Mumwithadragon

'Instinctive' for heterosexuals to feel uncomfortable with homosexuality? What a load of bigoted crap.

I'm not making this comment to 'control' debate - it is just my instinctive reaction to bigoted crap.

As someone who started out straight, then came out and then ended up meeting a man (who I'm still with) I would agree that there is hostility on both sides. There was a certain amount of judginess going on about my having let the side down when I met DP.

I have to say though that while I think saying anything is bad because it says so in Leviticus leaves you open to ridicule, I don't really care if Sugarfairy wants to feel faintly uncomfortable when faced with the sight of same-sex couples.

I do care about people attacking, throwing out of bars or spitting at same-sex couples. But I actually think it wouldn't hurt the cause of gay rights if people who feel a bit odd about the gayz are honest, rather than putting on a fake smile and saying 'Ooo no, no prejudice here' while secretly carrying on being homophobic.

Just realised that second paragraph made no sense at all.

I meant: using Leviticus to back up an argument about something being against your religion means you are likely to get laughed at, as very little of Leviticus gets used in normal modern life.