to say that you've gorn and done it again, IPOAT?

[Hullygully]

Weddings.

We.end.with.weddings.

Not monkey shit.

Sadly I have to swoon as running late but I will pop on later when I get home xx

What do you think I should do?

I am torn. One part of me thinks delete and forget. The other thinks a short mail saying 'I understand what you must be thinking, if I were in your shoes I may think the same. It has been a emotional week and nerves did get the better of me slighty.....that sort of thing. If you do mail make it very laid back and don't ask to meet again. Leave it open so to speak.

Out the door now, good luck with deciding x

I would go with a very laid back reply in the mould of 'fair enough, thank you for a pleasant evening and I wish you every happiness in the future, best wishes (no love), Mimi'. Very light-hearted, not-at-all-gutted, plenty more fish, let's make this a definite ending. And if he replies again, ignore. Don't get drawn into further convo.

Oh Mimi,

I really feel that more men should be able to cope with tears and hitting, really, I do.

It does sound like you were perhaps a tad mental for a first date.

What would I do? (This is not something to rely upon of course). If I liked the person, which I believe you do, I would say thusly:

I absolutely don't blame you, I must have seemed like a right loon.

In my defence I can say only that I had had a most traumatic week and got terribly carried away. I honestly do not normally carry on like that. (some lying essential)

I do of course completely understand your feelings about it and will respect them. Should you ever fancy a normal and low key cup of tea one afternoon by way of compensation, you know where I am.

And fewer caipirinhas next time.

Tears AND slapping...dear lord.

Do you have any sort of recollection?

See, I wouldn't go for any explanation. My feeling is that he will take that as 'excuses, excuses'. If he's not prepared to contemplate a second try because of unusual behaviour, he won't care about the reasons behind it.

Do bear in mind I haven't done dating for a million years.

Tears and slapping is a normal day here. With some Thomas mixed in.

No, explanations are good because they can sort of normalise it a bit.

You can't really go on a first date, get pissed, cry, hit someone, snog them and then not explain a little teensy bit. For your own sake, if not theirs.

Mind you, Widow, I am definitely at the Mimi end of the behaviour spectrum, so maybe your way is best..

Mimi, sorry to hear about the email. If you do decide to reply, think Hully's and Gibbon's suggestions provide a good basis for that reply - if you want to keep the door open. Otherwise (and still only if you decide to reply), then keep the email short and sweet, as Umami suggests. Either way, let brevity and dignity be your watchwords. But I think perhaps you need to leave it a while before you decide whether to reply at all - and, if so, how to phrase that reply.

You said the two of you had been emailing a lot. Didn't your worries about DS and looming diagnosis ever come up? Even if only lightly touched upon? If so, it's a bit shitty, in my opinion, that he doesn't seem to have taken that into consideration.

If he knew nothing at all of your worries, then I suppose his being taken aback last night is a bit more understandable - though still a shame he didn't ask outright (either last might or today) if anything was bothering you...

Last night, ffs.

I have one more suggestion, from dd who's v upset on your behalf.

She suggests you email him apologising for not being able to make last night, and when he expresses surprise etc, say, oh no, my evil twin sister took my place again.

You may not have the nerve for that.

Well, I replied.

I do understand what you must be thinking, and if I were in your shoes I might well think the same. Its been an emotional week for me, more so than I realised and I think cocktails and nerves did get the better of me. I don't generally go around biffing folk, or crying all over them.

Still, if its any consolation I am utterly mortified, but shall chalk that one up to experience.

Note to self, do not drink cocktails on an empty stomach. It Will Not End Well.

I welled up while talking about it to hiim. that's all.

but yes, must have seemed a total mentalist. I am a white wine girl, must steer clear of the cocktails

And Hully, do thank dd for her marvellous suggestion. very Sunset Beach.

Well done, Mimi. That sounds splendid. Dignified and grown up.

He may well fancy another go as time passes...

Your email sounds spot on, Mimi.

Great mail mimi, hopefully he'll understand. We go on these dates with high hopes and bags of nerves.

My first real date with DH, the wine crept up on me and as we meandered home (in other words I could barely walk straight) I threw up in a shop doorway.

Classy.

I did not expect him to call again but he did. If this chap is meant to be, he will be

Yes, good e-mail. Explanatory, yet with a pinch of tant pis.

But but but...was there no food? Did he not feed you?

Yep, absolutely agree with Beri.

First dates are often a great big ol cock up , but if they like you, they like you. If they can't cope, tant pis, a la Widow.

Onwards and upwards.

You are much consolation and balm to my suffering soul.

The waves of shame and horror are receding slightly.

There were peanuts. Peanuts, I tell you.