To be considering this....

[awakeinthedark]

I have changed my name for now because I can't decide what to do. I'm pregnant. And I had my wonderful DS only 12 weeks ago. I'm a very very silly woman, I was abstaining from sex with DH until I went to the doctors to sort out a reliable form of birth control, but a few weeks ago after a friends party we had left DS with MIL and had far too much to drink. My periods hadn't come back properly yet and to be honest, in a drunken state I didn't really think about using anything other than a condom. Some time passed, my breasts have become sore, I feel terribly faint, and so I'm pregnant.

I love my DS and he is wonderful and was a planned, very much wanted baby but he is hard work. And my pregnancy with him wasn't easy. Hyperemesis, gestational diabetes and a truly awful labour that didn't progress followed by CS. I'm quite overweight and piled on even more during the pregnancy. This year was going to be the year of health and fitness. I've joined a gym, I have worked out a diet plan. We planned to be able to give our DS everything, and meticulously budgeted for having a baby.

We can't afford another, we don't have the space, I dont know if I have it in me to go through it all again and I'm so worried that my DS's life will truly suffer as a result. The idea of throwing up all day and feeling like it's the end of the world everyday for five months is one of many things that still has me awake at 4 when I know my DS will be up in 2 hours.

But, I know my DS. I love him, and this is another little him.

I'm thinking about a termination, but I don't know how I could even sit accross from my doctor and ask for one when I was in there two weeks ago gushing about how enriching my son is.

Please help me. Am I being unreasonable if I do this? Are my reasons enough?

I reckon a lot of women in your situation would want to terminate.
Just my tuppence, but I don't think you should feel you have to justify your reasons to anyone (except yourself and partner).

It isn't "another little him" (again, imho). It's a ball of cells with the potential to be all sorts of things (good and bad), or nothing at all.

If you can't talk to your GP, what about a family planning clinic? Would be best to talk to someone face to face, too.

I completely understand your shock and dismay. It is very, very quick. You will have the birth raw in your mind (and possibly elsewhere). And you have just got your own body back. How does your DP feel about it? Is it possible to talk to your own mother (or would that upset her / you too much?).

Putting the shock and the physical trauma aside, I have to say, I had an accidental pregnancy when my DS 1 was 6 months old. Its a longer time - but its still quick. I was shocked (and very ill with pneumonia at the end of the 2nd pregnancy) but now I have a 3 yr old and a 4 yr old who love each other to bits - we got the whole baby thing over v v fast (bottles and nappies x 2 then toilet training x 2). I think we spent very little on DC2 because we already had the right size clothes, bouncy chair, sling, playmat etc and age relevant toys (thank you grandparents etc). And at a certain age they took naps at the same time. They go to bed at the same time - they even wear the same size pjs (almost).

The struggle through the pregnancy and first months may feel huge (and current!) but the pay off in the longer term could potentially be immense and full of happiness - in our case, with a very different child indeed - and they complement each other and balance each other in many ways.

But I'm aware we are lucky and that things don't work the same for everyone, that's just how life is. Whatever you choose to do, I hope that you get support - both physical and emotional and some time to recover from everything.

"Some time passed, my breasts have become sore, I feel terribly faint, and so I'm pregnant."

So you've tested and got a positive?

Yes. Two tests actually. Sorry, I wrote in a hurry.

Sorry, awakeinthedark, I did assume you had but just wanted to make sure. So if you did keep the baby your ds would have a sibling about a year younger which isn't so unusual (just wanted to reassure on that point) & you have 7/8 months to prepare but I guess with ds' birth still fresh in your memory it does feel a bit too soon.

No judgment here at all, you and dp need to do what's right for you. Did you intend to have another child at some point? Have you done the sums on the finances?

My two are a bit further apart but I just wanted to agree with anonysity- ds2 cost nothing compared to ds1! We had everything :) there is a year and 3 months between my sister and i (a bit bigger than the gap you have) and it was lovely having someone so close in age growing up. We always had someone to play with. Yes, we had arguments as siblings do but we really were the best of friends. My mum says it wasn't much worse than having one and it was great getting nappies etc out of the way quite quickly. I think it is possible but you need to get your head around it. You sound like a very organised person which may be why this is throwing you off a little bit and I'm sure all the hormones aren't helping! If you do want more than one child then here is your chance - maybe a bit earlier than planned but these things happen!

Also, my sister was hospitalised with hyperemesis twice during her last pregnancy and she has only had minor morning sickness this time - you might be the same esp because your hormone levels are prob still quite high.

This is entirely your call, and can't be judged by anyone else. It's your body and your life!

If I were in your shoes there's no way I'd be able to terminate. Yes, it would be hard, but the psychological damage it would do to me to terminate my pregnancy, particularly with having a 10 week old DS myself, would be something I fear I'd never get over.

Just because you have 1 wonderful child, doesn't mean you have to have this one.

I terminated a pregnancy beginning 2009. It was a complete accident - contraception failure - and completely unwanted. Dd2 was 4months old when I fell. I just told my gp that I was pregnant & didn't want to be. I wouldn't worry about being gushing about your ds...one doesn't reflect on the other, as far as I am concerned.

I have had 2 sections, 1 round of PE with dd1. I had all sorts of issues with both & my body has lasting affects of the toll the pregnancies took on me. There was no way I was putting my body through pregnancy not knowing what could happen. I also didn't want 3 children. I can cope with 2, but I would be a mess with 3. I know I would. I sit here now ever thankful that I don't have 2 under 3.

And I am sorry, but it does cost more. OK, so you have the larger essentials, but you may need another cot, a double buggy, a new car seat. You will certainly need clothes, nappies etc! And frankly, this shouldn't be viewed as a 'we have this that & the other, so we'll be fine' you can't bring a child into the world based on what you already have!

You have to do what is right for you, and if that is a termination, then so be it. If that is to keep the baby, so be it. It wasn't a choice for me, I knew I didn't want a third pregnancy, section, child to look after & 2 yrs on I know for sure that I don't want any more children.

And don't believe that women don't regret having babies, because they do. I speak from experience (my mum wanted to terminate me) and it isn't a great one.

Good Luck!

Yes, it would be hard, but the psychological damage it would do to me to terminate my pregnancy ...... would be something I fear I'd never get over

See, for me it was the other way around. The psychological damaged cause by carrying a third would have been something I would never have gotten over.

I would recommend talking face to face with another adult who is removed from the situation (not your mum or other family member as their reaction will be an emotional one). It's so hard to decide what to do for the best and I really feel for you having to make a decision.

How does your DH/DP feel? Can you take some time to think about it and talk about the situation again? it sounds to me like you are in shock (perfectly natural).

Talk to your doctor, he is a professional and will not judge you in the least. You have valid fears and if you are doubting anything then you need to explore it to figure out what is the best option for you. I would even recommend going on some pro choice forums where other women talk about thier termination experiences and thier reasons etc... At least to gain an idea of what a termination may fully entail that the pamphlets at the GP's office don't tell you. It may just be the right decision for you but you may end up changing your mind. And above all, YANBU, it is your body/ life and your choice.

Have you told your DH yet?

I hope things go well for you, a situation like this cannot be easy.

IMVHO, YANBatallU to consider terminating an unplanned pregnancy.
You must do what is best for you and your family, if terminating is the way to go, so be it.
Be strong.

YANBU in the slightest. I think I would also feel shicked and scared about being pregnant when my baby is only 12 weeks old. I cannot give you any advice because I really don't know what I would do. You GP will not think bad of you if you decide to terminate.
Have a good long talk to your DH, as kreecher said, you must do whats right for you and your family.
Good luck and keep talking here, there is a lot of support for you here.

Ignore the comment from FirstTimeMummy2Be.......please firsttime, consider how slamming your comment was and totally unnecessary - YABU and thoughtless. However, it is your opinion and you are allowed to have that, just have a little tact about airing it on sensitive threads.

Firsttimemummy2be, either give a reasoned arguement or fuck off. That sort of posting is not very balanced or helpful is it?

shicked....shocked of course.

As for the 'mummy' posters? Dunno, maybe they are, well ya know, mummys and that

YANBU.
I was in a similar situation to differentnameforthis (who helped me when I was making my decision by sharing her experience )- although DD was already 1 yo when I got accidentally pregnant. I already had 2 dcs and didn't want to have more, didn't feel psychologically or financially I could manage with another one.

Termination was fine. I am glad that I don't have 3 children to look after- but then I would be a horrid mother, I think, had I decided to keep that pregnancy.

Do what you think is best for you, doctor will most certainly not judge you (or at least shouldn't). And yes, it's not a baby yet, it just has the potential to become one- although I can see how having a newborn can make you feel that way at the moment.

Illegal to have a termination? What era do we live in?

I think your decision to consider termination is the right one. It will be extremely hard work, and whilst the costs of having two babies are low initially, as time passes they will increase.

It will affect your relationship with your new son as you will no doubt be sick during his first nine months.

Make an appointment with your doctor and discuss with him, they are sympathetic and please if you do go ahead, don't feel bad if it is the right decision for you then you have made the right choice.

Take care and try not to worry too much, just get it sorted if needs be.

YANBU. There are many people who have been through this - i got pg when DD1 was 12 weeks old. Totally freaked out, in the end I miscarried at 10 weeks, so the decision was taken out of my hands.

Consider all the options. Were you planning on having another child further down the line?

Is it possible to arrange some counselling sessions through your GP? Perhaps both you and your husband could go together. It would give you the opportunity to talk through your thoughts, feelings and options with a third person who will help you to think about it all with no judgement or agenda. Only you and DP can decide what's ultimately right for you and your family. And it might be very helpful to have some time and space to talk and think about it in a confidential safe place. Then you can be most sure you are making the decision that's right for you.

I reported the post too, as soon as I read it. For the very same reason, Reality. Pleased you have too.