To be considering this....

79 replies

awakeinthedark · 18/01/2011 04:05

I have changed my name for now because I can't decide what to do. I'm pregnant. And I had my wonderful DS only 12 weeks ago. I'm a very very silly woman, I was abstaining from sex with DH until I went to the doctors to sort out a reliable form of birth control, but a few weeks ago after a friends party we had left DS with MIL and had far too much to drink. My periods hadn't come back properly yet and to be honest, in a drunken state I didn't really think about using anything other than a condom. Some time passed, my breasts have become sore, I feel terribly faint, and so I'm pregnant.

I love my DS and he is wonderful and was a planned, very much wanted baby but he is hard work. And my pregnancy with him wasn't easy. Hyperemesis, gestational diabetes and a truly awful labour that didn't progress followed by CS. I'm quite overweight and piled on even more during the pregnancy. This year was going to be the year of health and fitness. I've joined a gym, I have worked out a diet plan. We planned to be able to give our DS everything, and meticulously budgeted for having a baby.

We can't afford another, we don't have the space, I dont know if I have it in me to go through it all again and I'm so worried that my DS's life will truly suffer as a result. The idea of throwing up all day and feeling like it's the end of the world everyday for five months is one of many things that still has me awake at 4 when I know my DS will be up in 2 hours.

But, I know my DS. I love him, and this is another little him.

I'm thinking about a termination, but I don't know how I could even sit accross from my doctor and ask for one when I was in there two weeks ago gushing about how enriching my son is.

Please help me. Am I being unreasonable if I do this? Are my reasons enough?

OP posts:

PracticallyImperfectInEveryWay · 19/01/2011 04:26

I had a friend in a similar situation not long ago and she was in two minds whether to proceed with the pregnancy. To help her decide she spent a day with each decision. The first day she pretended as though she'd already had the termination and took her DD to the park, packed up some of the stuff that she'd grown out of etc, and made a conscious effort not to think about it.

The next day she proceeded as though she was going to have the baby and she took her DD to the baby shop and had a look at double prams, newborn clothes and a lot of the things she did in preparation for her first.

At the end of each day she wrote down how she felt about it and at the weekend her and her Dh discussed it and made a decision. I'm not going to say what the decision was because I don't think it's relevant, but once she made it she was much happier and was able to move forward and feel less confused.

I'm not sure if that helps any but sometimes it helps to do something practical when your thoughts are muddled. If it doesn't help any then just ignore me!

Good luck with whatever your decision.

thumbdabwitch · 19/01/2011 05:49

oh dear, you poor thing! What a decision to have to make.

My sis had 3 DDs under 3 - the 3rd one wasn't exactly planned to happen so soon after the second, and the docs weren't that pleased as no.2 had been an emCS (resulting in no. 3 being an el.CS because they didn't want to test the scar). Financially it was a struggle as my sis's DP wasn't earning all that much and she of course couldn't easily go back to work with 3 young DC.

In hindsight, I think she would have rather waited a little longer for financial reasons - but OTOH, the girls all get on very well and she has managed. They all share a bedroom, which works for them (the oldest is now 7).

I hope you and your DH can make a decision that you will both be happy with - it's a very difficult time to make such a decision anyway because of your hormones, I do feel for you. :(

unMNly ((hugs)) and handholding for this.

chocogirl77 · 19/01/2011 07:04

I'm 5 months in from having to make the same decision, was TTC for 3 years with DD1, had hyperemesis for 7 months and ended up with an emCS and a 4lb in special care. She was 8 months old when a water infection and a bout of dizziness meant I got pregnant. I was 2 days from giving in my notice at work for a PGCE, just started to lose weight after DD1 was only having night Bfs and we live in a tiny 2 bed that doesn't fit our family as it is now, financially we are in a bit of a state.

I made the decision to keep the baby, now have severe SPD, but no sickness which is a positive, and still don't know which way was the right one to go.

I've typed this out about 50 times now as I'm not sure what advice to give that doesn't sound patronising. It'll probably be tough whichever decision you make, but you'll find lots of support on here, and when you're worrying about it at 4 in the morning, AIBU is usually good entertainment. Take care.

chocogirl77 · 19/01/2011 07:04

I made the decision to keep the baby, now have severe SPD, but no sickness which is a positive, and still don't know which way was the right one to go.

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