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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To reluctantly accept my mediocrity?

107 replies

AgentZigzag · 16/01/2011 12:59

When I was younger (not that long ago, I'm only 39 Grin) I always thought I had a shot at being noteworthy in something or other, that perhaps I'd make a difference or a contribution to something significant.

But the last couple of years, it's dawned on me that when I die I'll have just lived an ordinary life and not be remembered for anything other then my mediocrity.

I'm not able to work in paid employment, but have 'educated' myself over the years (I'm a third of the way through a masters degree) and perhaps that has something to do with it, I know I'll never be able to use my qualifications and that grates on me.

It's not that I don't count my gorgeous DDs or chuffing lovely DH as unimportant, and I've been happy, content and secure for the last 10 years I've been married, but I thought I might have done something bigger outside my domestic bubble.

Or should I just count my chickens (and I am a 'my glass is half full' kind of person) and be glad I've got to a place where I'm comfortable?

OP posts:
Tee2072 · 16/01/2011 13:03

I think there is a lot of worth in the average person living their average life.

I will never be rich or famous. But I, too, am content. And content has a lot going for it.

IMHO.

Grin
Dragonhead · 16/01/2011 13:05

AgentZigZAg - working on a Masters Degree is an amazing achievement as is of course raising children.

If you don't mind me asking -why do you say you'll never be able to work? There may be help out there for you.

tethersend · 16/01/2011 13:06

Go on a killing spree- Hey presto! Instant notoriety. Problem solved.

nemofish · 16/01/2011 13:10

write a book

set up a commune Wink

run a food cooperative

run adult education classes (same subject as your masters?)

mamadiva · 16/01/2011 13:10

Could be worse... you could be famous for being on Big Brother :o

humanheart · 16/01/2011 13:12

ah, but something happens when said dc leave home and you suddenly have a totally different life, with endless (terrifying) possibilities.

i'm in my 50s and have not yet given up the idea that I could still possibly be noteworthy in a quiet, awed way. all those years of mindless domesticity did not quite bash it out of me.

i am in awe of your maturity Agent

Original poster
AgentZigzag · 16/01/2011 13:13

I'm too far fucked in the head dragon.

I have worked in the past, and done voluntary work, but unfortunately it's not to be.

My dads friend asked me what I did before I had the DDs and I was really taken aback and ended up trying to justify my existance.

It has crossed my mind tethersend! But some people really do think like that though Shock

OP posts:
Original poster
AgentZigzag · 16/01/2011 13:16

Hehe mama and human Grin

I do sometimes pin my hopes on the age I'll be when the DC leave home and that I'll put all the bits and bobs I've done and learnt through the ages, to good use.

Yes, quietly significant, I like that.

OP posts:
winnybella · 16/01/2011 13:20

I've been having similar thoughts myself recently, AZ.

But I have not given up yet on the idea that I am very, very special Hmm and the whole world will know it at some point- double Hmm

mamadiva · 16/01/2011 13:28

When I was 9 I read Anne Frank's diary, I was convinced there was going to be a WW3 at some point so I wrote my own diary, wild and exciting lies tales and all, then I buried it in my back garden for future folks to find when the world had been populated again Hmm:o

You could do that!

Would you mind me asking what you mean by Fecked up in the head? Was just thinking since you seem to be pretty aware of the fact (am assuming mental health) but are doiong a degree and working through it to achieve something, you could be a speaker for that group. A positive role model I guess :)

seaweedhead · 16/01/2011 13:31

Well if we were all noteworthy then nobody would stand out Confused

I think what matters is the impact you have on those around you. I think its important to try to have a positive impact on people around you. Also enjoy life and make the most of who and what you are, even if you are just average.

I'm a painter (I don't earn a living from it...yet...)- there are loads of people with more talent than me, I'm really a very mediocre artist, and I know I'll never make an impact on the art scene, but its something I enjoy and it gives me a sense of achievement and that's enough for me.

blackcoffee · 16/01/2011 13:35

yabu - Do something! you are in the priveleged position of not having to be a wage slave and you are not even middle aged yet

openerofjars · 16/01/2011 13:38

There are a lot if people who are famous for terrible reasons. And a lot of mediocrities who are in the public eye but who would have been better off staying in the shadows.

Which would you rather be, a shit novelist/singer/reality show contestant, laughed at in the street by strangers and mocked on television, or a great mum who is loved and respected by her family and friends?

Plumm · 16/01/2011 13:42

I always thought I'd be a novelist but I'm just not that into it (love the idea but get a bit bored with actually doing it). Pre-DC I was in a job that I enjoyed but didn't get qualifications because of the whole writing obsession. I've finally realized i will never be a writer and it's quite a relief to give up the dream and focus on something else (getting the qualifications I should have done 10 years ago).

seaweedhead · 16/01/2011 13:51

YABU if you have a burning ambition that you're allowing to slip away from you. Its your life and its never too late to do what you want with it.

exexpat · 16/01/2011 13:52

Do you ever read the Guardian? On their obituary pages they have a column called 'other lives' which is obituaries sent in by readers about their friends or relatives who may not have done anything in the public eye to merit a national newspaper obituary in the normal scheme of things, but have in some way touched the lives of others. They can make quite inspiring reading - you don't have to have been prime minister/chief executive of a huge company/written a dozen novels or whatever to have had a significant life.

compo · 16/01/2011 13:55

Why don't you volunteer for the Samaritans if you want to do something worthy ?
I wouldn't let being fecked in the head stop you from achieving something , aren't all of us ?!?

AnnieLobeseder · 16/01/2011 13:58

If you have been kind, reached out and touched your family and neighbours' lives, tried to bring happiness when they were sad, given a shoulder to cry on, shared your chocolate.... you have changed the world for the better.

If you have brought your children to be respectful to others and themselves, and to leave the world better than they have found it, and if they in turn pass this message on to their children.... you have changed the world for the better.

There are 7 billion people in the world, we can't all be ultra-amazing. But if we're not doing harm, then we're doing good and the world is better for us having been here.

Quattrocento · 16/01/2011 14:01

Rofl at Tethers

I think this is a good choice of thread - because the vast vast majority of us have to come to terms with our own mediocrity at some stage.

Mine happened at 22. I remember it vividly. Looking from the bottom up of the results rather than the top down.

Original poster
AgentZigzag · 16/01/2011 15:09

It's not that I want to be celebrity famous, perhaps respected would be a better word, and I agree that not everyone can be worthy, and that most people are fucked.

It's not possible for me to be with other people and still survive, so in that way I do feel I'm achieving stuff just by managing to have a good level of being happy.

But that doesn't stop me wanting to be 'useful' IYSWIM?

OP posts:
cubscout · 16/01/2011 15:10

Completely agree with AnnieL.

Dh and I were talking today about a family we know. Mum stays at home 3 kids, husband works hard, not loaded and (for reasons I won't go in to) we decided they were amongst the nicest people we know.

Dh said '...and what's so nice is that they're just so, ordinary, normal.' They do nothing exceptional except are kind, funny, grounded, sensible, supportive...could go on and on. And becuase of that they are exceptional.

So average can mean exceptional.

PortBlacksandEventually · 16/01/2011 15:22

I think late 30s makes alot of us feel like that - i was having this conversation with DSis and some friends. Especially women as it tends to be the time when our children don't need us quite so much.

I'm 37 and can see my 40s approaching all too rapidly. But looking at it another way there are another two or three decades where i can be useful and brilliant (workwise) and hopefully more time to just enjoy being on earth Grin

TheProvincialLady · 16/01/2011 15:27

That's why my interest is local history - you can do loads of it and even become noteworthy (blog and little publications) - and still never have anything to do with anybody elseGrin

I would still rather be mediocre and a decent human being. I have met plenty of the other kind and sometimes I wonder how they sleep at night...obviously the two are not mutually exclusive but becoming the best at something etc can often mean discounting other people's feelings and needs.

Ooopsadaisy · 16/01/2011 15:29

Happiness is the best thing to have in your life.

Don't look around at mates who earn £50k a year and think that is of any more worth than your contribution. Most of them are pig miserable in my experience.

Learn to love the life you live.

If you are seeking extra challenges because the dcs are getting older, take up a zumba class or learn to paint. Train for a marathon or learn a language.

Get involved with your local community or volunteer for a charity (I know a woman whose voluntary work led her into a very rewarding career that made her happy and successful in a social sense).

I know a lot of unhappy people and we need more happiness in the world!

PortBlacksandEventually · 16/01/2011 15:29

I'm going to aim for Damehood i think - it seems achievable yet lofty.