To reluctantly accept my mediocrity?

[AgentZigzag]

When I was younger (not that long ago, I'm only 39 ) I always thought I had a shot at being noteworthy in something or other, that perhaps I'd make a difference or a contribution to something significant.

But the last couple of years, it's dawned on me that when I die I'll have just lived an ordinary life and not be remembered for anything other then my mediocrity.

I'm not able to work in paid employment, but have 'educated' myself over the years (I'm a third of the way through a masters degree) and perhaps that has something to do with it, I know I'll never be able to use my qualifications and that grates on me.

It's not that I don't count my gorgeous DDs or chuffing lovely DH as unimportant, and I've been happy, content and secure for the last 10 years I've been married, but I thought I might have done something bigger outside my domestic bubble.

Or should I just count my chickens (and I am a 'my glass is half full' kind of person) and be glad I've got to a place where I'm comfortable?

I think significant birthdays do this to you.

Pre-30 I had a bit of a 'What am I meant to be DOING?' panic, when I quite clearly hadn't come to terms with my life plan/reality.

Since then we've moved house, DH has a new job, my company's ticking along ok.... and actually what I've realised is that I have utterly lost all ambition in terms of work for work's sake. I want to be able to earn enough to contribute to our lives and future, but I no longer care about job title or career points.

Also, at nearly 32, I've realised what I really want is to get pregnant and stop work for wee bit. I'm not saying that being at home with a baby is going to be easier than work, but by god I need a change from staring at a laptop all day every day.

("definite" -think ITE, that's the key; for the high flying journalist - people can make it their spelling to learn of the day - those into self improvement)

'I'm not saying that being at home with a baby is going to be easier than work'

Love your AIBU veteran SAHM/WOHM disclaimer

You can just stare at the laptop MNing while snuggling with your DC instead

ha ha, may have spent a wee bit too long on here ZIgZag!

I think everyone has their own definition of mediocrity, as everyone has their own standards. Many people would consider doing an MA whilst bringing up children a huge achievement. What matters is that you can be happy on your own terms. In my life, it just so happens that I was able to fulfill many of my professional ambitions; I'm respected in my field, even famous. But I never felt exceptional until I myself was comfortable in my own skin and able to see my life in perspective. Success is a relative measure.

Go on a killing spree- Hey presto! Instant notoriety. Problem solved.

this offended me.

I live in an area where innocent people were killed in this exact way so joking about it, even mildly, is insensitive. imo.

seems to me that whenever I read about/see a prog on someone 'noteworthy' they do all the amazing stuff, then once that's done they find out that gardening or parenting or doing not very good paintings or something else totally mediocre is what makes them really happy.

i do find this stuff offensive tbh re your life is what you want it to be. that is pure BS imo, the thin end of the wedge that has hypnotised our bored, affluent, anxious culture; an example of a BS (and insidious) pop psychology that views anyone who isn't successful as, ultimately, the author of their failure. I really do loathe that. did the ballet dancer whose career was thwarted choose that? I don't think so. it is hard enough to deal with the raw grief of the loss of exceptional promise, without the pernicious suggestion that on some BS level you wanted it and sabotaged it yourself. that is vile, but is the logical conclusion to these repulsive beliefs.

and yes I do also find king & I (etc etc) boasting about outrageous success - both personal and professional - offensive. which may be very british of me but is, I suspect, more to do with the suggestion that such eye-watering success is down to the mental agility and determination to bend the universe to our will (including, it seems, our fertility).

that's not to say that hard work/commitment/planning shouldn't be rewarded I guess, but not as a pay-off to the universe re I work hard, I DESERVE the reward. no. you. don't.

AgentZigzag - I suspect like many people we compare ourselves with others and think they have done so much more than we have. That's what causes the unhappiness though because we only see the 'good' or 'famous' or 'successful' bit of the other person. We dont see their unhappinesses, their doubts, hidden illnesses, loves lost, etc, etc.

Whenever I get to thinking like this (and I do as I am 47) I count back through my life to all the things I have achieved. I then look forward to the things I want to achieve. You have your Masters Degree. For me it is moving to a new country this year and creating a successful business.

The only thing that matters is you and what you want to do with your life and not what others have achieved.

Dont compare yourself with other peoples' imaginery wonderful lives. They dont exist.

obviously that's true, but more than 'comparing', I think it is sensing other people rate me on their scorechart that has penetrated my awareness and unsettled me a bit for the first time quite recently. I'm not paranoid either. I swear I've only just begun to realise this. For decades I though my contentment, my good-humour and my wit was enough to 'make me' (hmm that sounds bad).

I realise I only ever aimed for the smallest of everything. why was the bar so low. spent so long telling myself i was content with my lot.

don't know if this feeling i have now will shift or if i'm finally seeing the truth now at forty when it's too late to earn loads of money and have a glossier life.

But you valium, have all I said people really need or you had it - being content with what you had. It might be easier just to be content with that rather than trying to meet some model others impose on you.

But go for it if you want to do more. It's possible.

This has been an interesting discussion. I read on here once "don't compare other people's outsides with your insides". I think that sums up the point that we don't know what happens in other people's lives and whether they are content. We can only know our own "insides".

I read a fascinating article recenlty in the Economist about the age profile of happiness. The article is here.

It seems that people are ther least happy in their 40s and early 50s and have their lowest point on average at 46. As I am 47 I hope it all upside from here.

This is true of pretty much every culture and every income group and both sexes. After that low decade most people on average get happier again in later life. I suspect many people on this thread are in that 'U Bend of Life' or about to enter it but there is better time later in life to look forward to.

What PortBlacks and Xenia said about the golden age that women have in their 50s is borne out by the survey. Women by and large are sligtly happier than men at all ages. The growig happiness at later life is as a result of internal changes to a person, coming to terms with life, counting blessings and finding new avenues and interests to explore.

Do read the article it puts it very much into perspective.

I always think of Grandma Moses, She was a renowned American Folk Artist who began a successful career in the arts at an advanced age, after she bought up her children ( she had ten in total, some of which died ).

She lived to be 101.

Its Never To Late

Half the academics I know don't interact with the wider world! Seriously, one came out of his office so rarely you would jump a mile if you saw him. No one is quite sure whether he has retired or not yet

Another comes in only at night. Appears at 5 ish when others are going home...

Agent...a lovely woman of 80 told me she had always wanted to play to piano, but thought at 42 when she had the time she was too old. She regrets that decision because now she could say she had being playing for 40 years.

My point being, god willing, you have another 40 odd years to make your mark in a public arena should you so wish it.

I just heard on TV that today is known in the UK as 'Blue Monday' as it is the most depressing day of the year.

humanheart you sound like you would enjoy the book I am reading at the moment smile or die

thank you bumper, I have heard of it. glad someone is writing against the vile tide of 'postive thinking'. hope it's making a significant splash.

onto the most depressing day of the year [gah]

There's a debate about whether optimists like I am are happier or pessimists (who would say they are never disappointed). I suspect we are born not made in that regard. It will all go well. Every year I have is better than the last.

This afternoon the UK National Debt Clock went through £1 Trillion and that does not include unfunded pensions and other off balance sheet liabilities.

Our DCs will be paying so not to worry.

Oh dear. Thatcher was paying it back. Put a woman in charge and you balance the books. Let men be in charge and they are profligate particularly leftwing men.

(hating the split infinitive in the thread title - mediocre?)

Reminds me of the beauty or stupid thread. I was never very beautiful and never very clever, I'm not sporty, I'm not arty, I'm not theatrical, I wasn't very good at anything. But my glass was always half full and once I went to work I was happy to work very very hard and because I had always been mediocre at school I just got along with everyone and so I got along.

I am fairly ordinarily ordinary and little noticed. But the DC are fabulous and that's my bit of non mediocrity.