To reluctantly accept my mediocrity?

[AgentZigzag]

When I was younger (not that long ago, I'm only 39 ) I always thought I had a shot at being noteworthy in something or other, that perhaps I'd make a difference or a contribution to something significant.

But the last couple of years, it's dawned on me that when I die I'll have just lived an ordinary life and not be remembered for anything other then my mediocrity.

I'm not able to work in paid employment, but have 'educated' myself over the years (I'm a third of the way through a masters degree) and perhaps that has something to do with it, I know I'll never be able to use my qualifications and that grates on me.

It's not that I don't count my gorgeous DDs or chuffing lovely DH as unimportant, and I've been happy, content and secure for the last 10 years I've been married, but I thought I might have done something bigger outside my domestic bubble.

Or should I just count my chickens (and I am a 'my glass is half full' kind of person) and be glad I've got to a place where I'm comfortable?

That's what counts. The weekend press reported a study that those with a higher IQ look better too which was interesting

i guess you're stunningly beautiful too huh Xenia

No, but amazingly I've always liked how I look and plenty of very pretty women don't. But I don't loko too bad. It's an interesting psychological issue. Perhaps I have reverse body dysmorphia (I just invented that)

It's such a cliche but, the biggest achievement of my life is my son. He's clever and kind, funny soooo handsome. A joy to me, always.

He makes my face light up when he comes into the room.

I have that. Every day. Sure, I'd like to be wealthier (from a not having to worry viewpoint) but, generally, I'm very happy with what I've got. I never did much academically, was a nurse (wards and community) for 20+ years and I'm a good person.

I look after myself. I don't look too disastrous for my age, though I could make a few improvements and eat less chocolate, for sure but mostly.......... I like how I've turned out from very humble and difficult beginnings.

I wish more people could feel like that. It's that internal contentment a lot of people don't seem to manage and the interesting question is why some do and others not.

I turned 40 last year, resigned from my (mediocre) job and made the decision to focus 100% on my writing. Mid life crisis? Yes. Best decision I've made in a long time? Hell yes!!!! I am so much more happier.

YANBU,

I think it's part of a mature acceptance of life to an extent. You see that a lot of youngsters think that their life will be valuable because they might be a pop-star, or a model or something else.

But you're a mother and a wife, and in your own small way, you'll have changed people's lives.

I'm not necessarily expressing this very well, but paradoxically, like most of us, you're mediocre, and special.