to think trying to cut step children out of a will is evil?

[kepler10b]

did anyone see Can't Take It With You on BBC2 last night? I have never shouted at a television so much. It featured two men who had remarried and their current wives wanted to cut the children from former marriages out of the wills (or greatly reduce the amount paid to them). And the men were putting up with it! Not only did they not want the children to have the money they wanted to leave it to charity...although that was slightly shown up as a lie when the will writing came into play. It was clearly just jealousy and self-serving power play. The truth really comes out when money is at stake.

www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b00xk05j/Cant_Take_It_with_You_Charity_Doesnt_Begin_at_Home/

What is wrong with having separate accounts? I hope this doesn't turn into a step mother bashing thread. I have 2 dsd and 1 dd. Dh will split his 50% of our final wealth 3 ways and I will give my 50% to dd. Dsd's will inherit from their mother. This is the fairest way for us. Dsd inherit from their mother and father and dd inherits from her mother and father. This doesn't mean I don't love my dsd's!

My dad remarried a very much younger woman after an extremely acrimonious divorce from my mum when I was around 20. I never liked him much and had minimal contact with him afterwards - spoke a couple of times a year and he visited my kids only a few times (he lived abroad).
When he died a few years ago he had a will that left what he had to us kids. His wife had nothing. We all were so relieved she had looked after him for years we all signed documents giving everything to her. We never even found out how much there was.

Why should we have got it? She had much more of a relationship with him than we had.

Here's my situation, tell me if you think this is right and proper:

My dad and mum divorced when I was 10 and my older brother 15.

The family house was sold and my db and I moved with dm to a smaller, cheaper house.

My dad re-married someone 17 years younger than him and had 3 children, when he was in his late 40s/early 50s and she was in her 30s.

My older brother and I have always stayed in contact with my dad.

My step mother has never had a career or worked other than in a series of low-paid jobs to help pay for my half siblings' education and drama courses.

My dad now has a terminal illness. He is 81, she is in her early 60s, my half siblings are all in their late 20s/early 30s. They live in a 6 bedroom house worth about £800,000.

When dad dies he is leaving it all to her.

When she dies she is leaving it all to her three children, nothing to me and my db.

Do you think that is reasonable?

My dh's father has a new partner after his mother died. She is his father's partner, not his mother, or even his stepmother. Nothing to do with whether they are married or not (they chose not to get married because he thought it woudl upset his children) more to do with the fact that all his children are adults. Their will provides mutual support for each other, and then once they both die their assets will be split so that his go to his children and hers go to her niece. Not sure how that will be calculated, and i don't think it will be very much, but it seems very sensible.

Dh Mother and Stepfather's will, leaves everything to one grandchild. Regardless of the fact that between them they have 5 children, 9 grandchildren and 1 great grandchild. It is weird as far as I am concerned. BUT it is nothing to do with me, and as far as dh and I are concerned its their money and their choice.

fontsnob thats just how we will do it. It makes financial sense for us to have separate accounts. It wasnt designed with the children in mind.

bibitybobity why on earth has your father agreed to that?
I haven't seen my father's will but suspect it is the same.

bibitybobity I think if your father really wanted to , he could have made an arrangement so you and your brother have some inheritance. The onus is on him.

My step-mum is the only person in my family who has any sort of real money, she has put me and my 2 siblings and her only child in the will. She's a lovely lady and I do see her as sort of a second mum and as the only really sane adult I had growing up but I've told her her will should only really be for her son or she should just spend it on her and my dad and have some fun, my eldest brother has told her the same. She has worked bloody hard for it and I think now would be the ideal time to go a bit crazy and spend it while she can.

My mum and her husband don't have anything, neither does my dad but he has told us that if he did he wouldn't put us in his will because we'd all be waiting for him to die lol.

My DSD adopted both my brother and Me 35 years ago. He has a daughter he hasn't seen for 40 years (not his fault, he tried to find her)

It is fair that he will change his will to include her BUT my DM will not change her will.

I also think this is fair, why should my mothers estate (which includes my grandmothers and greatgrandmothers jewellery) be given to someone she has no relationship with.

My father is pretty well off. When my parents divorced, my mother got a few million, which she has wasted. We had trust funds but she demanded these be dissolved so she could gain more. My father is still pretty well off and is remarried. The woman he remarried has one daughter who is 45. They married in their 60's btw. My parents divorced when their baby was 20.
I know my stepmother would give all the money to her daughter. We all get on well with her but thats the way it is. I discussed my own situation with her once and she said "in the end, no-one knows what you have in your will and when he's gone he has no say/wont know".

That being said, Im pretty confident my father would have made some arrangement to support his blood children. Its in his culture and his aim in life has always beem to see his children supported.

If it doesnt work out that way though, whatever, thats life. Im an adult with kids and it would be a bonus rather than a requirement. (Obviously my dad is far more precious).

Sorry meant to add that my step sister had come into our lives recently.

Can you really, really cut your children out of your will in the UK? Just curious - over here (Brazil) if you die, 50% of your inheritance is automatically divided between your children, doesn't matter if from current or previous marriage or even out of marriage. You have 'em, thats it, you're responsible for them.

If you die without a will thats the way geocentric with assets over a certain amount I believe

Hoover, but can you actually cut them out if you make a will? Sounds brutal!

I think so...would be best answered by the will experts on here though.

Thanks. Like I said, just curious!

stopping - my DSC have a mother and a father they can inherit from.
Why do they need a third parent?
My children will probably only inherit from me. Or maybe a bit from DH.

I don't think it is unreasonable for a parent to to leave any inheritance to their own children, but in bibbities case if her father thought that his older children should have something then he could easily make that so, or leave something for his grandchildren if all his children are grown up. But perhaps he feels that he gave half (or possibly more) of his assets to her mother on divorce and that his assets have been fairly divided already?

Wills are very contentious because they are about money, and because people sometimes translate that to love. I this possible to contest a will, but I think that you have to prove that the bequester was unduly influenced or unreasonable.

My parents have told us that they have made a larger provision for my eldest sister and her family because they have a greater need (they have two disabled children who will need life long care) which is fine by me - it is their choice and we have no right to expect anything. I expect that they will give a large amount to charities that they think are important too. dh says that if his father leaves him anything he will give it to his sisters instead because he has become very distant. I think that is bad luck on our children as it is not their choice not to know their grandfather, but there's no doubt his sisters are poorer than us, so fair enough really.

I think the best thing is to assume you will get nothing and run your life accordingly

Then if you get anything it will be a bonus

People can leave their money to whoever they like - it is up to them. Whether that be the evil stepmother or the postman or retirement home for aged hamsters

If you start expecting something and then get cross if you don't get it ... therein madness and unhappiness lie

I have 2 dc and 3 step dc [estranged from stepd but love stepds's]Do we a]split everything 5 equal ways
b]half to my dc and half to his
c]some in trust for estranged stepd's ds and rest 4 equal ways
We probably brought equal amounts to the marriiage,my dc's father is dead[since 1987] but oh's ex is alive and well,remarried with a dd.
I would NEVER cut out dh's dc if he died before me and I know he feels the same.

Yes you can cut children out of your will. If you die without one it will be shared out according to a set formula, but if you make a will you can leave it all to the cat's home if you wish!
I agree with freshmint, assume that you will get nothing and you won't be disappointed and it will be a huge bonus if you do get something.

This is going to kick off in DH's family in the next 10-20 years.

His dad sold his house and moved in with then gf , the intent being to buy a place together when she sold hers (his property being bigger and in a more desirable area so sold v. quickly). FFWD 10 years and they're still in her place, his money from house sale being spent on subsidising their lifestyle (holidays, gambling, having fun).

This in itself not an issue, his money, up to him how he spends it, but they got married a while ago and MIL was quite upfront that her house is being left to her DS in its entirety, whereas FIL's money is to be split between his 3 children and her son, because 'that's only fair' . X

Add to this that her DS is a v wealthy man in his own right with his own mortgage-free property, whereas DH's sister is a single parent whose ex has cheated her out of maintenance and absolutely impoverished her... well, I can see this getting very nasty some time in the future :(

bibbity just seen your posts. Actually saw your last one first and thought "That's dh!"

Sympathy to you, it really is quite painful.

I don't talk about it with dh, and I certainly don't make waves, but I am really cross with his df. It's so tough for dh because he really does love his father.

And lovecat. I don't know what it's like in your situations, but in dh's it comes wrapped up, in the present, with a whole bundle of other experiences of being constantly let down, emotionally, caring-wise.

It's not, let's say, out of the blue.