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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think trying to cut step children out of a will is evil?

115 replies

kepler10b · 15/01/2011 09:43

did anyone see Can't Take It With You on BBC2 last night? I have never shouted at a television so much. It featured two men who had remarried and their current wives wanted to cut the children from former marriages out of the wills (or greatly reduce the amount paid to them). And the men were putting up with it! Not only did they not want the children to have the money they wanted to leave it to charity...although that was slightly shown up as a lie when the will writing came into play. It was clearly just jealousy and self-serving power play. The truth really comes out when money is at stake.

www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b00xk05j/Cant_Take_It_with_You_Charity_Doesnt_Begin_at_Home/

OP posts:
Lamorna · 15/01/2011 17:14

You can have it in trust until older than 18, but the trustee could let them have capital for something worthwhile before then. The way my solicitor put it was '18 is a bit young because they might blow it on a sports car but there was no point in going beyond 25yrs because if they weren't sensible by then they were probably never going to be!'

Lamorna · 15/01/2011 17:20

You ought to make your own will MrsBanana and sort out when you want them to have capital should you die when they are young.

stoppinchingthedummy · 15/01/2011 17:38

I agree with whoever said even if you dont have children but marry someone who does they then become a part of you and no women has the right to cut their partners child/children out of a will

To be honest money makes people bitter and i would much rather earn any money i will get in life and then leave that for my children knowing i earnt it - My dad has a daughter from his new relationship and his DARLING partner has 3 children from a previous relationship as does my dad ...me and two siblings - Me and my siblings and his partners 3 children will "share" whats left after they have given my half sister the house they own between them - which is worth 1 million - Now in actual fact its a house my dad has worked very hard through his life before he met dp- my whole life he worked and was rarely home yet they met just as he was rich enough to be able to buy it Hmm call me sceptical but it seems a little unfair that one child out of the 7 of us will recieve most of what my dad has worked hard for yet to be honest id much rather my dad was alive and well and i know that ill make sure my children are treated fairly if i ever have anything to leave them

MrsBananaGrabber · 15/01/2011 17:50

I did actually tell them that they should blow whatever they have and enjoy their old age but to their generation that's unthinkable. They do need to sort out their affairs, they have two properties one of which they rent out to my uncle, god knows how all that would go if they did pop their clogs and I had to evict him, we were having a joke about it all over Christmas but when the subjet of leaving money to the DGC came up the conversation turned quite frosty...........bloody parents.

KirstyJC · 15/01/2011 18:07

I didn't see the programme - good thing I think else I would have been shouting at the telly!

My Mum has remariied and made a will which I think is very fair to both of them. She brought lots more to the marriage than he did (both over 60) and basically she put 80% into their joint home. On her death, he would get to either stay there as long as he wanted, or sell the house and take 20% of the proceeds. The remaining 80% come equally to us 4 kids (all in late 20's or late 30's by now).

If he stays until he dies his estate gets 20% and the remaining 80% comes to us equally.

Not sure what is in his will and since he is not a father figure (lovely man, really like him but I have a Dad thanks!) I have no interest in anything he might want to leave to anyone. As a 'stepchild' above posts suggest that he should split his assets with us, likewise Mum split her assets with his (estranged) son - I disagree. If we were all little and at home still, maybe - but we aren't and I think that needs to be taken into account.

Luckily they are spending most of their other assets jetting off around the world and having a ball - good for them!!

hoovercraft · 15/01/2011 18:13

Im sorry but when I married a man with a child, I didnt take on a package nor did I become his parent. I am his father's wife.He has parents

stoppinchingthedummy · 15/01/2011 18:15

hoovercraft i dont get it - if you marry someone with children especially if they are young you are a part of their extended family you should WANT to be a part of his life

bibbitybobbityhat · 15/01/2011 18:15

My stepmother has somehow persuaded my father to cut me and my brother (her two stepchildren) out of their wills.

Am not best pleased with her.

hoovercraft · 15/01/2011 18:16

Why? He is in my family but its a different relationship.His mother certainly wouldnt thank me for talking about her son as my own.

stoppinchingthedummy · 15/01/2011 18:17

bibbitybobbityhat- its just evil and some women are born with evil in their blood Angry

hoovercraft · 15/01/2011 18:18

Ultimately your father was the one who did the cutting out. you can blame her all you like but thats the reality.

stoppinchingthedummy · 15/01/2011 18:18

Hoovercraft i didnt say talk about him as your own but you can care about him ,want the best for him and just generally not want to cut him out of his dads life - which im sure you dont but this is the type of step parent were talking about here isnt it

hoovercraft · 15/01/2011 18:20

No, his mother is more instrumental in cutting him out of his father's life than me.

LadyOfTheManor · 15/01/2011 18:21

My parents don't believe in inherited wealth.

NonnoMum · 15/01/2011 18:22

Why should a woman who has worked hard all her life to provide for her children have to give away some of her money to another woman's children?

I won't.

stoppinchingthedummy · 15/01/2011 18:26

Nonnomum same rule for a man who has worked hard his whole life to provide for his children then some money grabbing bitch comes along and wants him and his assets for herself - If the money was earnt before either partner was met then there children shouldnt get anything only the children of the person whom the money belongs too!

ISNT · 15/01/2011 18:28

If this is giving people food for thought please do look into getting a will made. Better to talk about all this stuff now and be open about it than not say anything and potentially have things happen that you would not have wished.

I can also plug will aid it's not til november but still it is a cheap way of getting a proper will done, w did it a couple of years ago, the money goes to charity, everyone's a winner! Smile

bibbitybobbityhat · 15/01/2011 18:30

Perhaps it has to do with the small matter of being married to the father of those children Nonnomum. You sound charming, btw.

stoppinchingthedummy · 15/01/2011 18:32

Either partner was met- yikes i clearly typed that wrong Grin

funtimewincies · 15/01/2011 18:34

Dh and I watched it and were more confused about there being 'my money' and 'your money'. When we married, all money became 'ours'. It's made us think that we might need to check what would happen to money held in savings accounts in each of our names. We've always thought of the money as joint, even where the account is held in one of our names.

However, it has reminded me that we've been saying that we need to update the wills for ages now Blush.

hoovercraft · 15/01/2011 18:35

We have separate accounts

FudgeGirl · 15/01/2011 18:41

My mum has been with her OH for ten years, he has no children.

His will stipulates he will leave everything (of his) to my brother and I, which is just amazing and so lovely.

Yes, I have a Dad, but I am very close to my mum's DP as well. I would never expect anything from him, he's just a lovely man and thinks a lot of my brother and me.

Not something that everyone would do and certainly not something that is expected of him at all.

MsBinbag · 15/01/2011 18:41

I caught the end of this and I was furious for hours afterwards.
The men in this situation were so weak and the second woman made him think that she had actually been hard done by.
Not sure why I was surprised as both my parents are married to people who would rather the children did not exsist.

I have made DH promise never to remarry.

bibbitybobbityhat · 15/01/2011 18:46

animula
It sounds as though your dh is in a similar situation to me and my brother. Its grim. Thoughts are with him.

stoppinchingthedummy · 15/01/2011 19:14

Hoovercraft you sound lovely - Seperate accounts so your money is yours and his is his and no one else gets there hands on it?!

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