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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

SIL sends an invite out excluding under fives -

95 replies

prettypissedoff · 15/01/2011 02:34

My SIL - who my DH & I have an antagonistic relationship with have sent out an invitation to their wedding, we are not inviting the under fives.....?????

OP posts:
MadamDeathstare · 15/01/2011 02:36

This reply has been deleted

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ChippingIn · 15/01/2011 02:38

...and....

MadamDeathstare · 15/01/2011 02:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsBonkers · 15/01/2011 02:43

Loads of people don't want kids at their wedding.
Whether you agree or not, is a different matter, but its not unusual.

mishymoshy · 15/01/2011 02:52

Um, so she doesn't want small kids running round and screaming?

She doesn't have to want whatever you want.

If you have under 5s, don't go

OldBagWantsNewBag · 15/01/2011 03:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
prettypissedoff · 15/01/2011 03:09

Hmmph

OP posts:
Original poster
prettypissedoff · 15/01/2011 03:09

Ok - so we have three children under fiver

OP posts:
Original poster
prettypissedoff · 15/01/2011 03:10

Five - it's a farm wedding, not a posh wedding......

OP posts:
Deciduousblonde · 15/01/2011 03:10

This has happened to me before too.

I just don't go, after all most of my possible babysitters are attending the wedding Grin

Original poster
prettypissedoff · 15/01/2011 03:17

Sorry - ok - we invited all to ours - yes - yep I always thought a wedding was a celebration of a married couple

OP posts:
Original poster
prettypissedoff · 15/01/2011 03:24

& therefore - children

OP posts:
CupcakesHay · 15/01/2011 03:28

Some people just prefer no children at the wedding - all personal preference I spose.

PickleSarnie · 15/01/2011 05:55

If a wedding is a "celebration of a married couple" which by definition is two people how does that mean children are involved?

KangarooCaught · 15/01/2011 06:04

you'll be able to politely decline then

entirely their choice but then must accept some people will not be able to attend

onimolap · 15/01/2011 06:06

I'd say that a wedding goes beyond the couple and is a celebration of the joining of two families. So personally, I think it's a bit weird.

But they may not see it like that, and it's their wedding and they have made their choice. It's not an uncommon one. It's up to you to decide now whether to attend or not.

TheSkiingGardener · 15/01/2011 06:18

A celebration of the couples marriage, yes. WTF has that got to do with children? Are they also signing a "we promise to breed" contract at the same time?

LtEveDallas · 15/01/2011 06:24

If all your children are under 5, then it's just yet another child free wedding. Not my thing, but not unusual.

Now if you had a six yr old and a 4 yr old, then it becomes something else, and worth kicking off about.

You don't get on with her anyway, so you've got a great excuse not to go without upsetting the rest of the family. Result!

GooseFatRoasties · 15/01/2011 06:27

YANBU
Marriage is about the joining of two families. This no kids thing is horrid especially when you exclude your own niece/nephews. I would be tempted to deline saying I can't get a babysitter.

TryLikingClarity · 15/01/2011 06:47

If I were you OP I'd be a bit annoyed too.

But in a way they are doing the bold thing by laying their cards on the table by openly stating that no under 5s are invited.

I do think that's better than not openly telling parents and giving them enough notice to get a babysitter if they want to go.

I do think it's rude of them, but probably not intentionally.

chickbean · 15/01/2011 09:29

This must be one of the most popular topics on Mumsnet.

Do you think she has done this because of the antagonistic relationship between you? Will it cause wider family ructions if you and your DH don't go?

Does your SIL have children herself? If not, the general consensus is that childless people tend not to see the difficulties in leaving small children.

If your PILs are particularly doting she may not want your children taking the limelight from her (I have been to a wedding where the bride's niece - the only child in the family - was not invited because the grandparents would have made the whole day about her rather than the bride and groom).

Personally I was happy to have loads of children at my wedding - quite liked the fact that it took attention away from me.

I also now quite like going to weddings without my 3 under-fives - though it's tricky if your PILs would be your usual babysitters and/or if you are breastfeeding.

If it is logistically impossible, I guess you won't be able to go, but if you can, then it's your choice - and you can hope that your SIL mellows if and when she has children of her own.

BALD · 15/01/2011 09:50

YABU

they could have all camels as guests and you still can't complain

Also think about why none of your ire is directed at DB

crisptart · 15/01/2011 10:23

Their wedding,their choice. Some people don't want little kids running about at their wedding, some people do.
Just because someone has kids doesn't mean everyone else has to be all coochy coo about them.
If you don't want to go then don't go. Up to you, but yes YABVU if you think it all comes down to your kids, sometimes people just want adults at the wedding and that is just as much their choice.

Firawla · 15/01/2011 10:24

just dont go then, you dont like her anyway so not that much of a disappointment to miss it?

BluddyMoFo · 15/01/2011 10:27

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