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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

SIL sends an invite out excluding under fives -

95 replies

prettypissedoff · 15/01/2011 02:34

My SIL - who my DH & I have an antagonistic relationship with have sent out an invitation to their wedding, we are not inviting the under fives.....?????

OP posts:
ChaoticAngelofAnarchy · 15/01/2011 11:17

I have no problem with child free weddings, I've been to one myself. However, this does seem to be a pointed dig at the op.

elinorbellowed · 15/01/2011 11:18

My sister is going to a child-free wedding this summer with special dispensation to take her small kids. It's her best friend who wants my niece as a flower girl but NO other children. This wedding has been two years in the planning and my sister will now have tiny breastfeeding baby as well. She is dreading the comments and glares from the other guests and just knows she is going to spend the whole day apologing and explaining!
This is why I have nothing to do with weddings Wink

hidingmytrueidentity · 15/01/2011 11:19

Ok. Is the wedding in a church? That part is public- anyone can walk in from the street and they can't restrict children there and even if they did they may well get them.

If it's at a church I would go as a family- I think your children should see their aunty in her PUBLIC declaration of marriage. I would then go. That way you have been there but no conflict.

If it is at a private venue not as straight forward.

Eglu · 15/01/2011 11:25

My DB got married recently. His DC and my DC were the only ones there. If he hadn't invited my DC I wouldn't have minded at all. We would have arranged someone to look after them and gone alone.

FakePlasticTrees · 15/01/2011 11:29

Are yours the only under 5s that could be invited? Then it's possibly a slight at you. Why not ask your DH to check with your MIL if the 'no under 5s' includes family children - I've been invited to a wedding that says no children on the wedding info sheet (they are getting married middle of nowhere so have send directions and hotel details with the invites), but have been told that family DCs are invited. (Although, as stated on another thread, I'd rather not take him, it'd be far more fun without having to run round after him and the party will just be warming up in the evening when I'd have to leave with him.)

If it does include family DCs, decline. Make sure your MIL knows its because of childcare issues. Make sure everyone knows you'd love to go if you could, but not possible if your DCs aren't invited.

Then wish them well and don't make a fuss. In the extended family, you'll have the moral high ground, start stropping up and you will be the baddie.

verytellytubby · 15/01/2011 11:33

I'd much rather go to a wedding without my kids. I like drinking and dancing to the early hours.

GiddyPickle · 15/01/2011 11:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WiiUnfit · 15/01/2011 12:08

Hi prettypissedoff, I'm assuming your DC are under the age of 5, your situation sounds like the kind of thing my SIL would do (probably to try & piss DP / me / both off, she's lovely like that you see). You mentioned that you & DH have an antagonistic relationship with her so why are you letting this bother you?

As FakePlasticTrees said, have a chat with your MIL to see if the rule excludes family children.

FYI, if my SIL did this & it affected us (she's not engaged or anything yet) we probably just wouldn't go. There isn't much love lost. It would be your SIL who had to deal with the fact that her Brother, SIL & Niece/Nephews weren't there.

ENormaSnob · 15/01/2011 12:47

I have no issue with a child free wedding.

I also think that the b & g shouldn't have an issue when people decline because of this.

scottishmummy · 15/01/2011 13:01

up to her.you dont have to go you know

LadyOfTheManor · 15/01/2011 13:16

I didn't allow children at my wedding. It was my day and I made that decision. Unfortunate for my sisters who have 6 children between them. My ds is 11 months old, if I was invited to a "non child" day then I'd respect that and take advantage of the champagne :o

A1980 · 15/01/2011 13:18

I wouldn't want screaming, children at my wedding either.

You love your children, but the whole world doesn't. YABU

scottishmummy · 15/01/2011 13:19

"my day" smacks of princessy tippytoes.yuk

Meglet · 15/01/2011 13:20

Don't go Smile. Wedding are expensive for a start.

Go out somewhere nice for the day instead, still cheaper than new clothes, travel and presents for a wedding.

LadyOfTheManor · 15/01/2011 13:29

Urm well it was MY wedding day (mine and dhs) my point is, it isn't the day of the guests' children or the day of the guests.

If you're SO offended that not everyone LOVES children, then don't go. It isn't compulsory.

Newgolddream · 15/01/2011 13:30

Whilst I can totally understand its everyones right to choose whether to have or not to have children at their wedding, tehy also have to understand that people might feel hurt by this - particualrly if its close family.

If it was a friend who didnt want children then I would be ok, but I would be pretty upset if my brother didnt invite his own nephews for example.

SauvignonBlanche · 15/01/2011 13:33

Get on well with your sisters do you?

cathers · 15/01/2011 13:34

Don't go. Reasons include,
a)Its expensive
b)Its going to be a PITA to organise babysitter for 3 under 5's,
c)You don't like her particularly
d)She doesn't particularly like or respect you as she doesn't want her own neices and nephews at the wedding and if she was in anyway considerate, may have thought of your difficulties in childcare.

Reasons to go....Hmm

LadyBiscuit · 15/01/2011 13:39

hiding - I know that's true in theory that anyone can turn up to a random person's church wedding but does that ever happen? 'Who's that bloke in the second aisle?' 'He runs the paper shop round the corner' :o

ISNT · 15/01/2011 13:42

The difficulty is that if it's close family, it often is pretty much compulsory to attend, even if you don't want to / can't.

There have been loads of threads on here where children have been banned, a declinature has been issued, and then the decliners have got it in the neck from all and sundry.

LadyOfTheManor · 15/01/2011 13:42

No I don't. I didn't invite anyone but my parents to avoid having to invite people and not their children. They were welcome to the meal but not the children.

TheHouseofMirth · 15/01/2011 14:04

I think this is a really sad trend. I thought weddings were supposed to be a celebration not only of the joining together of two people but also two families. The best weddings I have been to, including my own, have been a real coming together in joy and love of a great mix of people and generations.

anewyear · 15/01/2011 15:24

I only had 6 children and 3 teenagers at mine?
2 were mine & Dh's
2 were my sisters
2 belonged to my BIL
and the teens belonged to the Best Man.
Grin

Now a couple I know, (their child is my sons best mate, he will be 9)
Have been invited to the husbands, sisters wedding in May, the couple are having no children at all at their wedding, not even siblings children, Im having having my friends son overnight and their other son (13yr old) is staying at his friends!!
Now I do find that strange..

hidingmytrueidentity · 15/01/2011 18:45

Ladybiscuit- all the time. In our last village (where I married 20 years ago everyone turns out to tie the gates and most go in the service- they often don't know the bride or parents as it's a 2nd home village sadly).

I now live the the ex vicarage of a large town church-and so get a pretty good view. The vicar there is clear that weddings are a community celebration and invites the whole congregation- some do go- as I understand do some older ladies who do the rounds.

I have been into weddings where I didn't know the bride or groom. I was a head teacher and if the children were bridesmaids in the village I would see them ( I lived opposite that church and wedding cars parked at my house often). I often went in if I had the time as did most of the village who were around( different village from 1st one)

I think most people are glad to get some decent singers. Weddings where no one has stepped in a church for 20 years are usually cringeworthy- they don't know when to sit or stand- the singing is pretty dreadful etc

LadyBiscuit · 15/01/2011 18:55

Gosh that's brilliant hiding. I love the idea of a wedding being a general event for the village and you turning up to help with the singing :)

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