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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

SIL sends an invite out excluding under fives -

95 replies

prettypissedoff · 15/01/2011 02:34

My SIL - who my DH & I have an antagonistic relationship with have sent out an invitation to their wedding, we are not inviting the under fives.....?????

OP posts:

TyraG · 15/01/2011 19:06

Well I sent out our invitations when DH and I got married because we paid for it ourselves. There was a baby at our wedding who was fairly young (just a couple months old) and she cried once during the service which is apparently a good omen.

I would understand if someone didn't want kids at their wedding though. A wedding is about the two people getting married, not everyone who is (or isn't) invited.

Neither of you get along with her anyway, so don't go.

maddy68 · 15/01/2011 19:18

I didnt have any children at my wedding - didnt want them spoiling my day TBH. My wedding, my choice

LouMacca · 15/01/2011 19:51

I think it's a pretty sad state of affairs when you don't invite your nephews/nieces to your wedding. I can't imagine looking through our wedding photos and our niece and nephew not being on them - shame on her!!! I would be pissed off too.

elphabadefiesgravity · 15/01/2011 19:57

Anyone can turn up to any weddin, whether it is at a church or a civil venue.

It is the law that in order to be licensed for marriage a venue has to be accessible to and admin members of the general public.

LadyBiscuit · 15/01/2011 20:25

Well I wish I'd known that when I walked past a very posh wedding in Mayfair last year. Me and DS could have done with a bit of a sit down and everyone knows that children are a joy during the ceremony :o

TheHouseofMirth · 15/01/2011 20:42

maddy68, I am genuinely interested to know how you thought having children at your wedding would spoil it?

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 15/01/2011 20:46

I think the only people who's day might be spoiled by kids at a wedding are the parents who have to look after them. We NEVER took ours to weddings - great excuse for day out in ADULT company!! I don't agree with this idea that kids always have to be included in everything.a

snowyweather · 15/01/2011 20:49

I think it is a sign that they don't particularly want you at the wedding.

PigValentine · 15/01/2011 20:51

I'm not a fan of weddings which exclude children, unless they are the sort of event to which it would be inappropriate to take a child anyway - I went to the wedding of a friend held late in the day, followed by cocktails and then an evening meal out - attended by about 10 people. It was lovely, but generally I like children there. I had no kids when I got married, and wouldn't have dreamed of excluding children. It's not a wedding without kids invading the dancefloor and treading on your dress. But then, my ideal weddings are the ones I remember attending as a child in the 1980's, when weddings were family occasions and before everyone turned all Princess Bride / "It's your day hun"

HelenBa · 15/01/2011 20:57

Their wedding, their choice - don't get why this is such an issue

TheHouseofMirth · 15/01/2011 21:02

It's an issue because traditionally, weddings are family affairs and so it is sad that part of the family should be excluded.

HelenBa · 15/01/2011 21:03

"I am genuinely interested to know how you thought having children at your wedding would spoil it?"

Obviously can't answer for anyone else, but I was at a wedding recently where no-one could hear the couple make their vows because there were so many children talking and crying. It was really sad.

fruitstick · 15/01/2011 21:07

I have mixed feelings about this.

I think if it's a friend's wedding, then you have no right to be offended if they do not want to invite your children. Many of my friends barely no my children and I certainly don't expect them to want them at their wedding.

I do think family is different though. If the children are an integral part of your family, they should be there.

There is a danger of Bridezilla taking over in the 'it's my day, my choice' attitude. Yes, it is your wedding and you have every right to do it as you wish, but you have to accept that, in being so dogmatic, some people may not want or be able to come.

and if your brother being there is less important than his children not being there, then at least you know where you stand!

Talk to MIL, explain you are not happy leaving your 3 children with someone else for so long, then don't go.

Their wedding, their choice, they can't complain if you can't go.

TheHouseofMirth · 15/01/2011 21:14

HelenBa that's ridiculous. Did no one think to take the children outside? Or give them chocolate something to do?

HelenBa · 15/01/2011 21:27

HouseofMirth I dunno, I think there was a sort of critical mass thing going on where people probably thought that as no-one else was reacting they didn't need to

personally, I think you are right that weddings are family celebrations, but I know that's not the case for everyone think about people who get married abroad without any of their family

Tigerbomb · 15/01/2011 21:38

I had a child free wedding, with the exception of my god child who was my flowergirl, even then she went home at 7pm.

My DB was overjoyed at not having to bring his 5 children with him - he and my SIL wanted a night out to themselves.

MY SIL was upset that I hadn't chosen one of my nieces as a flowergirl though. Is there some rule that you have to have family as flowergirls/bridesmaid?

Their children are truly badly behaved and that influenced my decision on no children more then the expense or any other reason.

Original poster

prettypissedoff · 29/01/2011 02:02

Not my B - H's S - PILs - both dead - DH distraught as his DM died when he was 14, chucked out by SF, D had pissed off to Holland by then to start a new family, DF now dead, not much left really on his side which is why sister's edict hurts him SO much. I hate her.

OP posts:

onmyfeet · 29/01/2011 03:18

I do not see why your dh should be hurt like this. A wedding is a party. The church part anybody may attend, but the reception is a matter of personal preference.

Has your dh talked with his sister about this?

sunnydelight · 29/01/2011 04:55

YABU - their wedding, their choice. Small kids are noisy, messy and their behaviour is unreliable. Delightful and a source of great joy in the right setting but why on earth would you want them at your wedding.

MrsMooo · 29/01/2011 10:00

YABU, as other's have said it's their wedding and their choice

I also don't understand how it's bridezilla to have what and who you want at your wedding, I think when couples put stipulations on invites they of course understand that it may mean some people can't attend, it's no different to from choosing to get married abroad and understanding that some may not be able to afford the trip.

We had kids at our wedding and I can totally understand why some people choose not to have them there, the parents spent most of the time child wrangling and thanks to my selfish slightly inconsiderate SIL, who palmed my neice off on MIL, I do not have a single picture of us with the PIL that does not have her sucking her thumb and moping in it.

For me, the under 5 thing is totally understandable. Over 5's can stay up later, so won't mean parent's having to leave at 7/8pm (what happend at our wedding) and are easier to bribe with chocolate keep quiet.

Just because it's on a farm does not mean it's wellies and muck either.

If you're that pissed off that your DC can't go, don't go!

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