Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to hate my stepdad

48 replies

pallette · 14/01/2011 23:47

Went out for a meal with my mum, brother and stepdad. I ordered my starter and main and half way through he said blimey no wonder your starting to carry the timber, your legs look like a couple of logs. As we went through the meal he then had a go at my hair saying it was scruffy and that I had enough makeup to paint the front room. My brother then interjected and said he thought I looked beautiful to which he told him to stop being a suck and givin me delusions. I finished my meal and left soon after. We've never got but he seems to be getting more and more derogatory towards me and my mum never does anything either, the only person who stuck up for me is my 17yo brother

OP posts:
Mists · 14/01/2011 23:54

Your Stepdad is a twat.

YANBU.

Listen to your brother, I bet he knows best Smile

maddy68 · 14/01/2011 23:54

playing devils advocate here, do you think he was just trying to pull your leg in a really clumsy way?

My own dad does this sort of thing but to him he is teasing and it is affection if you see what I mean, he would be mortified if he thought he had upset me (which he sometimes does)

Aims80 · 14/01/2011 23:55

Ah that's horrid, you poor thing. Let your mum know how upset you are.

Original poster
pallette · 14/01/2011 23:57

No I don't think it was playful teasing as its not the first time he's done it and he always says it like he means it rather thasn in a jokey way iykwim

OP posts:
curlymama · 15/01/2011 00:01

He's being a classic bully. Trying to make himself feel better because he is either unhappy with something about himself, or jealous of the relationship you have with your Mum.

Original poster
pallette · 15/01/2011 00:08

I don't know why he does it to be honest but I just feel that if I never saw him again then I wouldn't care.

On a positive note my brother just texted me to say ignore stepdad you are beautiful inside and out.

OP posts:
curlymama · 15/01/2011 00:12

Ahh, that's a lovely text to recieve from your brother, even more so from a 17yo.

Every cloud and all that. Smile

Lonnie · 15/01/2011 00:12

awww what a lovely brother you have and I agree with the poster whom said to listen to him and not your step dad.

FabbyChic · 15/01/2011 00:15

The guy is a prick. Is he jealous of your relationship with your brother or your Ma?

your mother needs to tell him he can't talk to you like that, a joke is one thing being out and out nasty is another.

Nevereatyellowsnow · 15/01/2011 00:18

Yanbu thats just horrid Sad

Have you ever said anything back to him when he says nasty things?

AgentZigzag · 15/01/2011 00:20

I think in your head you're going to have to try and balance out your twattish stepdad with your lovely, lovely brother.

I'm just Smile at how he is with you.

You sound like your trying to get to the root of why he's being so horrible to you, have you tried asking him or your mum?

Although I can understand why you wouldn't want to for fear of starting off WWIII, but he can't keep putting you down like that, how far is he going to go before he stops?

justcarrots29 · 15/01/2011 07:30

I think you should have thrown your dinner all over him! Disgusting bully of a man, obviously trying to get his kicks by watching you while he makes you feel shit.
Ask your mum how she can be married to such a vile human being - although there will be little point. Do you see them regularly?

needafootmassage · 15/01/2011 07:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

aPixieInMyCaramelLatte · 15/01/2011 07:44

YANBU he sounds like a right bully.

My step-dad always completely ignores me and dp or makes snide comments under his breath if I do/get something wrong. I just try to ignore him bu then I'll get a phone call off mum saying that I need to stop being so rude to step-dad and he brought us up and paid for our holiday's don't you know. Doesn't make up for the time he put a hole in my bedroom wall then blamed me, smashed my phone with a hammer then denied it to my mum and the numerous other things he did when I was a kid that he blamed me for and no matter how much I protested mum just didn't see him to be lying.

Now I just avoid him where ever possible because I really do hate him.

Your brothers sounds absolutely lovely though so please do listen to him.

ENormaSnob · 15/01/2011 08:02

Yanbu

think of some cutting put downs ready for next time.

iwerta · 15/01/2011 08:46

YANBU Just ignore him, whos the better judge of attractiveness your 17yo brother or your stepdad who is probably in his 50s.

StewieGriffinsMom · 15/01/2011 08:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

onmyfeet · 15/01/2011 09:08

Your brother sounds wonderful! Ignore the sf.
Better to have 2 logs for legsWink than a wooden block for a head.

stoppinchingthedummy · 15/01/2011 09:33

My ex step dad used to do this - call me blubber butt or fat ass (like off nutty proffeser) but he was joking - initially used to bother me even though it was jokey but then i just threw it back at him Grin Dont let him get to you and your brother sounds lovely

FakePlasticTrees · 15/01/2011 09:39

Text your mother this morning - tell her you consider your step-father's comments to be unacceptable, you expect an appology.

Keep it short, but make it clear you're upset. Otherwise, if your mum or brother say anything he can laugh it off as just a joke and that you weren't bothered. come on, you're an adult, no reason to allow yourself to be treated badly.

sue52 · 15/01/2011 09:54

Maybe your Stepdad is trying and failing to be humorous. Does he talk to your Mother in this way? Is it possibly to cover up his shyness? If he is just doing it because he's an arse, do avoid him but tell your Mother why. If I was her, I would not let any man come between me and my daughter. Your brother sounds a complete darling.

monkeyflippers · 15/01/2011 09:59

Aaaah your brother sounds lovely!

My dad does this, not horribly like your step dad but mentions my weight which I don't think should be mentioned at all. Usually a "your bum getting big" etc. I have told him and told him but he still does it.

Personally with you step dad I would leave the minute he started being nasty. Just say "I don't have to sit here and put up with insults" and just leave. Or give him a chance by saying "either stop or I'm going". Chances are though he'll take that opportunity to say that you are being melodramatic and take the piss out of you for that!

I think you generally need to stick up for yourself. You could say to your mum but in front of him next time you see them "can you believe what XXX was saying to me the other night mum? It was really nasty" whilst giving him evils. What ever you say, you need to say something as it's not fair or nice and he's being a c*nt.

monkeyflippers · 15/01/2011 10:04

aPixieInMyCaramelLatte - tell your mum now as an adult those things that he did when you were a kid and explain that that's why you don't like spending time with him now. Also how you felt when she didn't believe you. I would.

coldtits · 15/01/2011 10:05

Are you an adult? You say you have a 17 year old brother, that's why I ask, but my advice for a person still living with this penis would be different.

Assuming you don't, next time he makes a rude remark, stand up, put your coat on, pick up your bag, and leave without a scene (don't let him get to feel like the controlled one). Don't cry, or ask him to repeat himself, or beg anyone to say something to him - just stand up and leave. Texxt an explaination to your brother later, as he's the only one who deserves it.

monkeyflippers · 15/01/2011 10:07

mmm agree with coldtits