Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be shocked 90% of Down's babies are aborted?

575 replies

Strictly · 14/01/2011 09:20

I was jut reading this sorry, yes it's from the DM!

and then did a little Googling and it turns out 91% of people told their baby has DS will have an abortion... Shock

I'm just astounded it's so high. I'm not making a judgment on the idea people might abort, but am very shocked that it seems almost universal to abort if told the baby has Down's.

I wonder what it is about that particular condition that 91% of people feel they could not live with? The rates for abortions of Cerebral Palsy babies for example is nowhere near as high. Is it just that Down's is easy to detect so the majority of people actually get the chance to decide?

OP posts:
sarah293 · 15/01/2011 11:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

devientenigma · 15/01/2011 12:03

At the end of the day down syndrome is extremely unpredictable in reality. Differing in need, support, conditions, medical, physical, emotionally, intellctually.
Like I said earlier you don't know what it's like until you are going through it!!!
Why bother having the debate!!

SantosLHalper · 15/01/2011 12:10

DS is hugely unpredictable BUT to me its about valuing children with disabilites as much as children without. To terminate is, to me, amking a judgement, that a child with DS is less valid or important than a 'healthy' child.

devientenigma · 15/01/2011 12:13

I see where your coming from Santos, though again I do feel it's the families decision, disabled or not and no one should judge their choice.

julybutterfly · 15/01/2011 12:15

Riven, completely speculating but do you think you'd be of the same opinion if you hadn't been through what you've been through with your DD?

Genuine question and sorry for being overly sensitive in my last post - having a hormonal day

I've read blogs like the ones you've described. I still don't understand why they put themselves through it - although I don't think any less of them. You DO get people thinking less of you when they hear you've had a termination though. Some people seem to automatically assume that, because you've had a termination you didn't actually want that baby.

If a couple think they can't cope with having a baby with such intense SN (like DS can be in some cases) then that's their choice.

The statistics are shocking though

SantosLHalper · 15/01/2011 12:17

It is the families decision, absolutely, and its not about judging them. I am pro choice. But it is about how I feel about terminating based on disability.

I used the word 'wrong' earlier, and wanted to say that I should have used a different word. Its not wrong. I feel uncomfortable and saddened by terminating disabled babies, but I have no right to say its wrong. Hope that clears that up!

midori1999 · 15/01/2011 12:19

But what are they basing their decision on? How many actual parents of children with Downs Syndrome do you hear saying they can't cope, that they wish they'd never had their child?

Riven has a very good point when she says that parents of children who have disabilities love them in just the same way they love their 'normal' children.

I hope Riven won't mind me saying and I have only read a bit about her DD's condition, but there are children at my son's school in similar situations and I wonder how many adults look at them and think it is 'tragic' or they have no quality of life when that's simply not true. Just because we can't imagine ourselves having quality of life in that situation, doesn't mean others can't.

devientenigma · 15/01/2011 12:21

july, I can't speak for others though in my circumstances I would still have the same opinions. Each to their own and who am I to comment, it's their life!

GenevieveHawkings · 15/01/2011 12:21

No, YANBU to be shocked.

You ABU however, to be seeming to judge people's choices for deciding to abort.

I don't know too much about Cerebral Palsy but isn't it often caused as a result of birth trauma, early birth and complications following birth which lead to the brain being starved of oxygene? I don't know but perhaps many children are actually born before they are actually affected by CP..?

devientenigma · 15/01/2011 12:23

midori, I AM one parent who has a child with DS who can't cope, though I don't wish his life away and now couldn't live without the challenge, I still wouldn't wish my life on my worst enemy.

midori1999 · 15/01/2011 12:27

And how many other parents in the same position have you met? I have never met any (and I have lived in several areas since my son was born, so met a lot of parents who's DC have Downs Syndrome) so I assume they are in the small minority.

Would you choose to abort if you found out a subsequent baby had Downs? (sorry if you have already answered this and I missed it)

devientenigma · 15/01/2011 12:30

I agree I am in a miority, hence why I dislike any debate RE DS. Especially when it's percieved as a lesser disability. I have never found anyone as yet with similar issues!! Though they will be some somwhere.
As for the last question, lets just say I chose not to have any more children.

MainlyMaynie · 15/01/2011 12:39

Riven and 2shoes, of course you have as much right to have an opinion as anyone and having the experience of a disabled child makes your points interesting and relevant. But you don't have any more right to judge other people for making decisions differently to you. Their choices don't make your choices any less valid.

I think the vast majority of people do or would cope with a disabled child, just as we cope with adult relatives who become disabled. But that is different to making the choice to have a disabled child. If my child is born disabled I expect I will love and care for it. If in a couple of weeks my 20 week scan shows serious problems, I don't know what I will do because I've never been placed in that position before. So I don't feel in any place to judge the decisions other people have made in either direction. And I find it a bit abhorrent that other people do.

DioneTheDiabolist · 15/01/2011 12:39

When I was pg, I was told that my son had markers of DS and was offered an amnio. I refused as I had no intentions of aborting, Downs or no Downs. However, had I been younger or had other children I probably would have.

I don't think anyone aborts because they fear having a child with a disability, they abort because of their personal circumstances and the impact having that child will have. Just like those who terminate for any other reason, it is personal and circumstances are important and the only person qualified to make that decision is the pregnant woman.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 15/01/2011 12:47

I agree people have the right to choose.

But it makes me sad that so many abort, because DD probably has a chromosomal abnormality and she is hard work but wonderful and life-enriching. She is not a tragedy and is happy and fulfilled and I wouldn't change her.I don't judge the parents, I just think it's sad.

I didn't have to make the choice though as her issues didn't become apparent until well after birth.

devientenigma · 15/01/2011 12:50

I must just add, we don't cope, not beacuse he has downs, but due to the extent and issues of his problems.
The choice for not having another child was not the fear of having another child with a disability but not being able to access the correct care and support for my son, struggling along with him wasn't fair on him or any other child.
HTH, though I don't know why I feel the need to justify myself!!!

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 15/01/2011 12:52

Hey, I understand, I find it hard to cope too, and have decided not to have another child as DD needs me too much.

sarah293 · 15/01/2011 13:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

devientenigma · 15/01/2011 13:08

Thanks Fanjo Wink
Again talking about downs, our issues didn't become apparant until after birth. I had the blood test which revealed I was low risk, nothing showed up on any scans. Had DS on the front of my maternity notes.
He was born with a significant heart condition, which was also structural and should of been seen on a scan. Hence the query of down syndrome, which was obvious.
So again no choice. I knew my feelings at the time, though again because I wasn't in the position to test any further would I of still done what I thought I would of done??
Just prooves some things are meant to be!!

donkeyderby · 15/01/2011 13:26

I too have a child with challenging behaviour and very severe learning disabilities. Without the level of help I currently get, I would not be able to cope with him. I have had to fight for every scrap of help over 14 years.

My son is also funny and amazing and he has tapped into a side of myself that I never knew I had and I would not be without now. He has enriched my life like nothing else

The tragedy is the lack of help out there. So little is known about our lives, assumptions are made about our children and services for us that are completely wide of the mark.

I wish more resources would go into making our quality of life better by investing properly in respite, childcare and equal access for all

tyler80 · 15/01/2011 13:27

"and fulfilled and I wouldn't change her"

I always find this statement a bit strange. I have a brother with moderate disabilities, and though we all love him just as he is, if you offered me the chance to wave a magic wand and take those disabilities away I'd do it in an instant.

2shoes · 15/01/2011 13:55

I would rather dd didn't have cp obviously, but it is a big part of her, so if you took the p away she would be a different person, and I love the person she is.
maybe that is what they meant.

donkeyderby · 15/01/2011 14:03

Magic wands don't exist so most of us with disabled children are wasting our precious energy and time even thinking about whether we would change anything.

We concentrate on the present reality

Clary · 15/01/2011 14:07

Not read all thread but that statstic is hardly surprising.

I never had any invasive tests when pg precisely because I had no intention of terminating.

If you actually go through having an amnio or CVS and running risk of miscarriage, then the chances are surely very very high you will terminate if the result is positive for DS.

2shoes · 15/01/2011 14:07

i would wave a magic wand and change peoples attitudes though