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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I think this was rude.......

81 replies

kelway · 13/01/2011 18:06

Today I was walking along on my way to collect dd from school and was chatting to my dd's bf mother (she is from Pakistan). we were making small chit chat and then a women came along (also from Pakistan) who knew the other women although not very well (i could tell) more on a school run level. What got my gander up (!) was that the other women although clearly able to speak realy good english suddenly started to talk to the lady i was already chatting to in Pakistani thus rendering me useless. I was really embarassed as i was suddenly thrown out of the loop as I cannot understand Pakistani. I felt really weird 'did i stay and walk along with them as i had been deep in conversation with the other lady up until that point' or 'should i walk away as i felt suddenly disgarded, tossed aside like an old shoe'! i think it was rude of the other women, i felt like a real outsider, i thought it most unuescessary ie the other women could have joined in with us instead of clearly throwing me out of any shared friendliness

OP posts:
pranma · 13/01/2011 18:08

yanbu as long as both women spoke English and you were chatting first it was indeed rude

IloveJudgeJudy · 13/01/2011 18:09

I think your DD's bf mother could also have asked her friend to speak in English so that you could have joined in the conversation. Have been in the same sort of situation so I know what you mean.

ragged · 13/01/2011 18:10

I suspect that in their culture it wasn't as rude as you found it (presuming you're British).
If you were American, you would have just interjected "Hey can you guys speak English instead?" which I suspect would be fine in their culture to ask, although quite rude to ask so directly by the norms of British culture! And then they would have switched to British and all would have been fine.

ragged · 13/01/2011 18:11

Oops, I meant switch to English there, too much search & replace...

bubbleOseven · 13/01/2011 18:13

YANBU - i have got loads of italian friends and they are all bilingual but wouldn't dream of speaking italian if there was even one english speaker there.

MadamDeathstare · 13/01/2011 18:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ILovedYou · 13/01/2011 18:13

YADNBU - It was to show to that you are not accepted or worth acknowledging by bf Mother's friend. (Was married to a Pakistani man myself).

PeeringIntoTheWintryVoid · 13/01/2011 18:14

YANBU if you are sure that the other woman did, in fact, speak fluent(ish) English.

ILovedYou · 13/01/2011 18:15

The friend knows it is disrespectful to you. Sad

JamieLeeCurtis · 13/01/2011 18:15

I think it was rude, and actually, if they had been speaking English and the other woman "muscled in" (as has happened to me) that would have been rude too

HuwEdwards · 13/01/2011 18:16

To exclude someone from a conversation is rude in ANYONE's book - I don't buy that 'might not be in their culture' - the woman lives here and is conversant in British culture presumably if she can speak English.

Had it done to us in Wales - that was rude too.

bubbleOseven · 13/01/2011 18:17

the woman should have answered in english, forcing the first woman to speak english

ChippingIn · 13/01/2011 18:17

YANBU - it was rude of both of them. More than a greeting or an odd comment before the 2nd woman walking off is unacceptable.

Anyone joining in a conversation should join in, in the language being spoken or if they are unable to they should all switch to a common language - to switch to a language 1 out of 3 does not speak is very bad manners.

ChippingIn · 13/01/2011 18:19

Culture - we live in the UK not Pakistan.

blinder · 13/01/2011 18:19

It's rude to even interrupt a conversation, let alone use a language you would obviously not understand.

Did you mention it to your friend?

blinder · 13/01/2011 18:20

And did you walk off or tag along?

atmywitssend · 13/01/2011 18:21

Its very rude - my friend's parents did that to me at her wedding! YANBU

alemci · 13/01/2011 18:23

I think it was very rude.

Original poster
kelway · 13/01/2011 18:25

i am white/british (in answer to one of the above posters) and the other lady spoke very good english (in answer to another poster!) as she initially spoke english to the other lady. To be honest, i felt invisiable. ILovedYou - i think nailed it on the head i am sad to say, as the other lady i could tell had no interest in engaging me in conversation. I always make eye contact with all people even if i don't know half of them if i am talking to a group of people, especially if i am the one who came along last. my dd's bf ma should have introduced us or something, i have known her and been what i call 'surface friends' for a fair few years now, i have been to her home etc. ps: what does YADNBU stand for?? it is not on the list :) ta

OP posts:
OnEdge · 13/01/2011 18:27

It was rude, but it would have been really funny if you were able to join in in fluent Pakistani, she would have been so shocked Grin

Original poster
kelway · 13/01/2011 18:28

blinder - nah, i didn't mention it to her friend (my friend) as she is very shy, i thought it would make her feel awkward, she is a gentle kind quiet sort of person. And yes, i skulked off, alone and feeling...well, a bit rejected, isn't that ridiculous, i am a bit of a sensitive soul tbh

OP posts:
OnEdge · 13/01/2011 18:29

you should have been introduced, if i'm not introduced, I introduce myself and everyone gets a bit embarrassed.

ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 13/01/2011 18:30

YADNBU, how RUDE !!

Seems to happen a lot when we visit Wales too ave noticed

LadyInPink · 13/01/2011 18:30

YADNBU - You are definitely not being unreasonable!

And i say the same YADNBU Grin

GORGEOUSPSYCHIC · 13/01/2011 18:37

They are both extremely rude - what they are both saying to you is, 'you are beneath us because you are a philistine. Next time you absolutely have to talk to said 'lady' make sure you're wearing wellies, on a very wet day, having primed your DC to jump into the puddle nearest to her.