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AIBU?

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Original poster

I think this was rude.......

81 replies

kelway · 13/01/2011 18:06

Today I was walking along on my way to collect dd from school and was chatting to my dd's bf mother (she is from Pakistan). we were making small chit chat and then a women came along (also from Pakistan) who knew the other women although not very well (i could tell) more on a school run level. What got my gander up (!) was that the other women although clearly able to speak realy good english suddenly started to talk to the lady i was already chatting to in Pakistani thus rendering me useless. I was really embarassed as i was suddenly thrown out of the loop as I cannot understand Pakistani. I felt really weird 'did i stay and walk along with them as i had been deep in conversation with the other lady up until that point' or 'should i walk away as i felt suddenly disgarded, tossed aside like an old shoe'! i think it was rude of the other women, i felt like a real outsider, i thought it most unuescessary ie the other women could have joined in with us instead of clearly throwing me out of any shared friendliness

OP posts:
ILovedYou · 13/01/2011 20:00

well you wouldn't

harpsichordcarrier · 13/01/2011 20:02

kelway, shew's sarcasm is in a good cause i.e. she's supporting you....

Shewhoshallnotbenamed · 13/01/2011 20:04

ILovedYou if you care to get off your high horse for a moment, read what I said again, and see that I am in support of the OP, and was merely making the point that it is impossible to know exactly what language to assign without knowing which area of the country they came from, which is why IMO it is perfectly OK to refer to the language as 'Pakistani'.

Dear me......!

Shewhoshallnotbenamed · 13/01/2011 20:04

harpsichordcarrier - THANK YOU! Grin

ILovedYou · 13/01/2011 20:05

ooops well i guess i am crazy today TOTM

very sorry!!!

bad marriage memories makes me react badly

Original poster
kelway · 13/01/2011 20:06

shew - sorry about that, actually i re read your note and thought you might have meant it that way, then i felt stupid :) you have to be so on your guard all the time not to say something that someone somewhere might take offence to. it hadn't occurred to me that by my saying i thought they were talking pakistani that it might be twisted as a rude comment, certainly not my intention as it was an innocent one, it was as would transpire on my part an observation that i have since been educated on the vast lanquage experience in Pakistan!! I think India has many more languages, seem to have it in my memory that they have many there

OP posts:
Shewhoshallnotbenamed · 13/01/2011 20:07

No worries, I did think I'd said something awful without meaning to!

Phew Grin

Shewhoshallnotbenamed · 13/01/2011 20:10

ah now, you have achieved something through this - as have I. I went to Wikipedia and am now aware that Pakistan has 4 major provential languages.

Without Buzz's interjection, we'd have been none-the-wiser.

Apologies for my sarcasm, I can't help it I really like it - I shall perhaps think carefully before randomly throwing it around though! (I am quite new after all!)

:)

Shewhoshallnotbenamed · 13/01/2011 20:11

provincial

WimpleOfTheBallet · 13/01/2011 20:14

YANBU a good friend of mine used to lapse into Russian every time we met another friend! Rude.

lalalonglegs · 13/01/2011 20:34

I sometimes speak to my dad in Italian if I don't want other people to understand what we're saying (not in a bitchy way but in more in a "Shut up, dad, I think you've said enough"). Possibly, these people were discussing something personal.

WelshSara · 13/01/2011 20:57

Welsh is my mother-tongue and I lapse into Welsh without even thinking, especially when on a rant or distracted. Since my family and I are in the minority, I tend to not speak Welsh infront of Non W speakers. When I'm waiting for DD to come out of her Welsh school, I rabbit away in Welsh, but would automatically switch to English should I be in the company (or even just nearby) the other Mum's. Good manners.

wukter · 13/01/2011 21:08

Still rude though lalalonglegs

BootyMum · 13/01/2011 21:20

Think Buzz should get off their soapbox.

Original poster
kelway · 13/01/2011 21:41

i doubt it (that they were saying something personal), the other women came along and within less than 30 seconds in a casual sounding vocal (all be it not in english) launched into a conversation but i could tell it was light hearted, especially from my friends response, her facial features looked non descript as opposed to frowning etc or looking surprised, the other women was making chit chat, she wouldn't even make eye contact with me, the whole thing stunk

OP posts:
BuzzLightBeer · 13/01/2011 21:51

erv what soapbox? Hmm

BootyMum · 14/01/2011 09:14

Well obviously Op sounded rude to you by referring to the language spoken as Pakistani but did not sound rude to everyone else. So speak for yourself next time and stop being so superior and derailing the thread for your own agenda.

Ivegotmrbitey · 14/01/2011 09:27

This happens to me a lot in Wales, but when I picked someone up on it they explained that it felt very unnatural to have conversations in English when both parties were more comfortable using their first language. So I can understand the conversation starting in a mother tongue but YANBU to think that continuing it is rude and excluding. The original woman should have introduced in you in English.

spler · 14/01/2011 10:37

YANBU
So rude.
We have had two e mails from managers at work in the last few weeks REMINDING colleagues that English is the official language of the office and speaking in other languages is rude and divisive. (80% of my colleagues speak English as a 2nd /other language)

BuzzLightBeer · 14/01/2011 11:06

chill out booty, I interjected with a small point of fact, don't assign comments to me that I did not make, As for the rest of your bonkers remark, how about you shove them up your own agenda?

Original poster
kelway · 14/01/2011 16:03

'shove them up your own agenda' - that did make me laugh.

OP posts:
Ormirian · 14/01/2011 16:06

Yes it was rude.

Original poster
kelway · 14/01/2011 16:10

someone from another country could easily make an innocent mistake by saying to someone welsh that they are english instead of british but i doubt that would be taken as an insult by someone welsh; i wouldn't expect someone from another country ie Pakistan or America to necessarily know the difference. so the thought of someone from a country as diverse in culture and so far away as Pakistan to feel that i was intentionally setting out to insult them by my innocently (and mistakingly) saying they were talking Pakistani instead of stating the correct dialect spoken in a specific region would be really annoying and certainly frustrating. let's not make a big deal about it, innocent mistake cleared up

OP posts:
nickelbabysnatcher · 14/01/2011 16:30

Buzz was only pointing out a misinformation/incomplete identification.

please stop getting at her, that's not the point of this thread.

By discussing this stuff "out loud" we are further adding to the point that the OP's "friend" was entirely rude, and getting at each other is kind of negating that.

Jux · 14/01/2011 16:35

Oh competitive mother of the worst sort. I used to know one, who would do exactly that, except she was white british and only spoke English, but I'm sure if she had spoken another language she would have. She also used to jump out at people screeching hello in their face, and then turn to some poor creature she'd pinned to the chicken wire saying "see, everyone knows me, they all say hello to me". No, you silly cow, we say hello out of shock and as soon as we see it's you again we run away.

Next time, stand your ground. Say some polite but firm that doesn't allow her to bustle in. "WE were just talking about...."