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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I think this was rude.......

81 replies

kelway · 13/01/2011 18:06

Today I was walking along on my way to collect dd from school and was chatting to my dd's bf mother (she is from Pakistan). we were making small chit chat and then a women came along (also from Pakistan) who knew the other women although not very well (i could tell) more on a school run level. What got my gander up (!) was that the other women although clearly able to speak realy good english suddenly started to talk to the lady i was already chatting to in Pakistani thus rendering me useless. I was really embarassed as i was suddenly thrown out of the loop as I cannot understand Pakistani. I felt really weird 'did i stay and walk along with them as i had been deep in conversation with the other lady up until that point' or 'should i walk away as i felt suddenly disgarded, tossed aside like an old shoe'! i think it was rude of the other women, i felt like a real outsider, i thought it most unuescessary ie the other women could have joined in with us instead of clearly throwing me out of any shared friendliness

OP posts:
stoppinchingthedummy · 13/01/2011 18:39

No yanbu i live in wales and although i speak a little welsh and understand quite a bit i dont always and often people will speak welsh and i ask them to change to english if im in that social circle - it is rude to speak a language someone else your with doesnt understand - im now sending my ds to a welsh school then he can decifer conversations for me Grin

LindyHemming · 13/01/2011 18:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

maltesers · 13/01/2011 18:45

YANBU the other indian woman was plain rude. . .she was probably trying to muscle in the keep in with the first indian female you were talking to , , ,cheeky cow !

BuzzLightBeer · 13/01/2011 18:48

pakistani isn't a language.

BuzzLightBeer · 13/01/2011 18:48

neither are they indian.

ANTagony · 13/01/2011 18:49

YANBU, the context of the situation and interrupting your conversation were rude, not introducing you to the butee was also a little odd. However being able to speak a language to a good standard and conversing in it are not the same thing.

I enjoy talking in various languages but only freely converse especially with enthusiasm in English. I'm translating my thoughts into the other languages which causes pauses in conversation and potentially missing some of what is being said.

I live in Wales and know lots of people who are fluent in English but have Welsh as the dominant language that's easier for them to think in. It happens quite often that people flip into Welsh when the conversation gets enthusiastic.

lochnessmumster · 13/01/2011 18:59

YANBU. She sounds like a real charmer.

Original poster
kelway · 13/01/2011 19:02

buzzlightbeer, i know that in india and in pakistan there are many different languages spoken but i am not educated to know the names of the languages, some ie Urdu, Bengali (am i right?), i just know my friend is from Pakistan and that the other lady (at a guess) was also. Actually, at dd's school (in east london) there isn't much mixing of cultures which is a real shame although i am an exception to the rule as i never really feel i fit in with any particular group so i like the freedom to talk to everyone (even if I am not always wanted in some!). one of my closest friends is muslim (from india), we both feel we don't fit in with what appear to be any of the predominently three main groups which are white middle class, white working class and muslim ladies (this is what we have observed). my friend and i don't feel we fit into either 'gang' (she married a white man and finds she is ostracised by the other muslim ladies). i still like to attempt to chat with anyone (who will listen ha ha) although most of the time i tend to keep myself to myself, i have always been quite insecure, haven't got an abundance of confidence and found the other womens total disinterest in my talking to her too made me feel, well, inferior (i guess this is more my fault than hers but her behaviour didn't exactly help). it's all so closed off to outsiders. people don't mix much 'out of their own' at dd's school in east london which is a real shame

OP posts:
Original poster
kelway · 13/01/2011 19:04

i wish i could talk another language.....:(

OP posts:
Spidermama · 13/01/2011 19:05

Very rude.
I even find it rude when someone interupts a conversation then takes over the conversation excluding me even when we are all speaking the same language.

BuzzLightBeer · 13/01/2011 19:05

merely pointing out to you so you don't appear rude to others.
And Bengali is Bangladesh, not Pakistan.

TheMonster · 13/01/2011 19:08

YANBU.

gobbledegoop · 13/01/2011 19:10

lots of the african women at work do this and i tell them to stop being so bloody rude and speak english, but then i never am one to hold my tongue Wink

Original poster
kelway · 13/01/2011 19:11

buzz' - just out of curiosity, how many languages are spoken in Pakistan?

OP posts:
Shewhoshallnotbenamed · 13/01/2011 19:12

OP - you obviously should have done the following:

"sorry, I know you are ignoring me but could you please clarify which language you are speaking so that when I discuss later on AIBU, I can not use the sweeping generalisation of 'Pakistani' so as not to cause offence or appear rude"

Sarcasm aside YADNBU.

gobbledegoop · 13/01/2011 19:13

hahahaha Shew!

wukter · 13/01/2011 19:15

YANBU - such bad manners. I don't buy the culture thing either, I'm afraid.

ILovedYou · 13/01/2011 19:16

shewhoshall,,whatever..who cares?
i certainly do not

TattyDevine · 13/01/2011 19:18

I thought they spoke Urdu and English in Pakistan, so no excuse from what I can tell.

Mssoul · 13/01/2011 19:19

shew Grin
She was very rude.

wukter · 13/01/2011 19:21

Ii suppose 'Pakistani' could be technically correct, if used as an adjective. Even if not the official name of the language. Maybe a pedant can say?

BuzzLightBeer · 13/01/2011 19:21

2 official languages of urdu and english, but more than 10 altogether.

Original poster
kelway · 13/01/2011 19:53

shrew - i don't appreciate your sarcasm. you seem to be making it a personal slant which it certainly wasn't, my having as it transpired incorrectly having said they were talking 'pakistani' instead of stating the actual language they were speaking from within the countries many apparent spoken languages. outside of the clique i doubt many people in my position would have been able to name the exact language they were speaking, i was making a point/painting a picture of how it was, two women from pakistan/of origin speaking (one of) their mother tongue whilst i stood there like a twat as was ignored as is actually more often than not the case.

OP posts:
Shewhoshallnotbenamed · 13/01/2011 19:56

lol @ Ilovedyou - not quite sure why you took offence to that.

It was light hearted sarcasm, actually in response to BuzzLightBeer - how can you possibly know the particular language that somebody speaks if you are not familiar with the many different languages from their very expansive and multi-cultural geographical location.

Wukter put it much more eloquently than what I did though Wink

Shewhoshallnotbenamed · 13/01/2011 19:57

er........kelway my message was actually in support of you