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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Due today but am feeling unfeasibly nervous about having a boy.

90 replies

betterstayanonymous · 11/01/2011 11:36

I know this is going to sound stupid but I'm really scared that I'm going to have a boy, and I don't know anything about them. I have one little girl already, grew up with a sister, girl cousins, went to an all girls school, never had boys as friends.

I don't know what the sex of this little one is going to be but the nearer I get to giving birth (not actually in labour currently, but I guess it's imminent), the more nervous I get that I'm going to have a boy and won't know what to do with him. I know that a baby is a baby is a baby, regardless of gender, and I honestly don't know why the thought of having a baby boy is freaking me out so much, but any advice or good mumsnet sense to calm me down would be great.

Before I get flamed, I don't think girls are better than boys. I'm not into all the pink stuff (though my daughter is!). It's just that I don't have a frame of reference for understanding how to bring a boy up.

OP posts:
kreecherlivesupstairs · 11/01/2011 11:39

I do feel for you. I was exactly the same when I was pregnant with DD. I knew I was having a boy until the scan at 28 weeks showed me differently.
I had resigned myself to it and then was thrilled to find Martha rather than Arther. If it does turn out to be a boy, you'll love him as much as your DD.
Good luck.

trixie123 · 11/01/2011 11:39

I think the best thing I can say is how much fun my cheeky little scamp of a boy is! Compared to my friends' little girls he is more physical and tends to chuck his toys around rather than play with them nicely but other that that there is no appreciable difference (yet). He is extremely cuddly and loving (he's 17 months) and I just think he is the cutest thing in the world (sorry, we bagged the best one!) Congratulations anyway and best of the luck over the next few hours..Smile

maktaitai · 11/01/2011 11:40

Do you have a male partner? Maybe he can help you talk about this a bit, remember what he enjoyed in childhood etc?

the thing is, there will be no-one in the world who knows your boy like you do

it's very likely also that your little boy's total heroine will be his big sister (at least some of the time) - take your cue from her - she will show you how to deal with him!!

there is nothing like the feeling of seeing yourself in your children, is there? - sometimes happy, sometimes painful - it's so lovely seeing ds doing his thing, he is sometimes so like me I might have given birth to him Wink

you know it will be ok, don't you?

FellatioNelson · 11/01/2011 11:42

I felt a bit the same, as I had only ever been around girls. I didn't not want a boy, I just felt it was a whole big unknown world. I had three boys. Boys are fab. I wouldn't have it any other way. Once you see him you won't give a toss, and the rest will just come naturally.

littlemisslozza · 11/01/2011 11:43

I remember feeling unable to imagine having a little boy when I was first pregnant, now I have two (and possibly another on the way!).

If it is a boy I bet your current feelings will just disapppear once you hold him in your arms. He will lead the way with his interests and so on as he develops and you will have so much fun so don't worry about not knowing what to do with him. I am now quite an expert on tractors and diggers, and amazingly I love it! My two are so much fun and very loving, I now find it hard to imagine this new baby being a girl, time will tell!

Doesn't your little girl have friends of both sexes?

LaWeaselMys · 11/01/2011 11:43

I was the same about having a girl. Despite being one, and going to all girls, and having female friends. Hmm

Can't imagine having a boy now!

It'll be fine. Promise.

GooseyLoosey · 11/01/2011 11:44

You learn - I felt the same when I discovered my first child was to be a boy.

There are no magic "boy things" that you do for babies (although changing nappies requires a different cleaning techique).

Once they are older, they are no longer a "boy", but "your child" and you instinctively know what to do with them. Things like football and tinkering with gadgets happen largely by themselves and you just have to facilitate them.

You don't have to understand how to bring a boy up, just how to nurture a child and you're there.

TheMeow · 11/01/2011 11:46

I love everything my little boy is and does...now I'm nervous about what I'll do if my next baby is a girl :o

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 11/01/2011 11:47

I had three boys and no girls, and it has honestly been fine. Both boys and girls need love, consistant discipline and fun in their lives, and as your child grows, you will learn their particular character traits gradually and naturally, and to respond to those character traits.

I don't share all the dses interests, but I listen and can make intelligent comments (well, I think they are intelligent anyway, but apparently I don't know enough about bikes, Glee, football, cars and schoolwork to comment - lol).

You don't need to freak out, because you will love your baby whether it's a boy or a girl, and you are going to be a great mother to him or her.

I love having my three boys - I get loads of cuddles, we can have a great laugh together, I am hugely proud of their achievements, and I always have someone who will get things down from high shelves or lift heavy things for me.

Ooopsadaisy · 11/01/2011 11:47

As boys get older they are much more affectionate than girls (in my experience).

14 yr old ds still cuddles and holds my hand under his pillow when he goes to bed.

He is not a wuss by an any means and never does any of this in front of his mates.

There is nothing quite like having him say "Mum, can we have a cuddle-up?"

Dd is lovely too, but does not cuddle and express love in the same way.

Don't be afraid.

Blu · 11/01/2011 11:48

Of course you will know how to bring him up - you will be his Mummy and respond to his needs and be getting to know him inside out as he grows - just as you would be learning to parent a shy child / a boistrous child / a child with a phenomenal IQ, etc etc!

Chrysanthemum5 · 11/01/2011 11:48

I haven't found DS to be much different to any other child really. Mainly the issues are around how other people treat boys and girls differently. If you have a male partner, or friend or relative then he can help you out with any questions about how boys might think. But really your son will be like your daughter in most ways.

Kewcumber · 11/01/2011 11:49

"You don't have to understand how to bring a boy up, just how to nurture a child and you're there." - yeah what Goosey said! They aren;t a different species and IME individual childrne vary far more then the generic differences between girls and boys.

ChinaCup · 11/01/2011 11:49

I am from an all-female family and didn't have a clue about boys until DS1 came along. It was fine, so good that I really wanted DC2 to be another boy. I got lucky Grin. Boys are noisy, physical, easily distracted, like to fart - they really are just little blokes - but they are funny and cheeky and loving and playful and loads of fun. I can understand your worries and I hope they are unfounded (and that you find out soon) but I can reassure you that boys are great (and their nappies are so easy - no crevices - as long as you dodge the pee fountains)

classydiva · 11/01/2011 11:52

Boys are easier to change nappies! Not so much mess.

Boys are more loving than girls, less trouble when they get older too, not as cheeky.

You do just fine.

CuppaTeaJanice · 11/01/2011 11:52

They are much the same until they go to school I think. Boys aren't automatically rough and violent and obsessed with football! And their nappies are much easier to change!

orangepoo · 11/01/2011 11:56

Don't panic. I am a tomboy, have 3 brother, all male family etc. Then I had a DS. When pg with DD, I found out she was a girl and I was Shock and had no idea what I would do with her. Anyway, it's fine, they are just babies and you can do the same to start off with and learn as you go along. Don't worry at all - I had/have no idea about girls and my DD is fine (she's nearly 3 now). Actually, she's playing with DS's Ben10 stuff now so perhaps I am not doing so fine Grin.

WhoKnew2010 · 11/01/2011 11:57

Just to add we have two DDs and then a DS. For medical reasons we never thought we'd have a boy and always imagined we'd have three girls. I would have been delighted of this of course but I have to say that I absolutely adore having him and am so grateful that he arrived.

He has been by far the easiest most straightforward of the three. Far less mind games than the girls and much more self-contained. Much of this is of course personality and through his being a NTB (neglected third born) but I adore having a boy. Good luck. Boys are fun!

lalalonglegs · 11/01/2011 12:01

I didn't want a boy and feel completely ashamed of this because when my son came along (he is 2nd of three children), he developed into an absolutely adorable child. I thought it would be so different but it's not - there are differences but nothing you won't be able to cope with instinctively.

Moreover, once you have them, boys really are fabulous - I find with mine and observing friends' sons, they tend to be more affectionate, more straightforward in their love and just generally up for fun. There is nothing as pure as a son's love for his mum.

Original poster
betterstayanonymous · 11/01/2011 12:03

Thank you so much for your sensible words. I know my hormones are all over the shop but you lot have made me cry. It is going to be OK isn't it. Like you say, not much I can do about it now anyway, other than muddle through parenting a second time like I did the first time Smile and that seems to be going as well as possible with a stroppy wilful but totally fabulous daughter! Thank you.

OP posts:
Misfitless · 11/01/2011 12:04

Hi OP. Haven't read other messages so sorry if repeating.
I had one sister, no male friends, went to all girl school etc etc. Boys are great, I have discovered adn bring a whole different dimension to the family - I'm sure you'll grow to love all things boyish. Is it anything to do with anatomy? I was worried how to clean penis etc but it's all explained by midwives if you ask?

JamieLeeCurtis · 11/01/2011 12:05

I've got 2 boys and they are very different to each other. Try not to put things down to gender that are actually down to personality. or being a second child.

JamieLeeCurtis · 11/01/2011 12:07

That said 0 there are many things I've learned about and many places I've been that I'm not sure I would have if I'd had only girls (or no children for that matter). I've learned so much and had so much fun

SmethwickBelle · 11/01/2011 12:08

Don't worry! Boys are fab. My eldest son is even the spitting image of me at the same age (I had short hair then due to incident with kitchen scissors), he thinks like I do, has the same sense of humour and is great company.

Not having girls I can't compare the practicalities of course, but boys are people first and foremost not just a willy and a fireman sam t-shirt :) The things that preoccupy me I daresay are the same as mamas of 3 year old girls, how to get them to leave the playground without a tantrum, chuffed to see them writing letters or reading the time off a clock, wondering if they will EVER finish their dinner, hoping they like their new bedtime story etc... and NOT whether I am playing with the cars or teddies in a gender appropriate way that appeals to his masculinity ;)

Hope all goes smoothly.

Likesshinythings · 11/01/2011 12:08

Both my DH and were convinced that we would have a little girl and when we found out at 20 week scan that we were in fact having a boy, we were actually quite stunned (stupidly, it's a 50:50 chance after all!). I felt a lot like you did leading up to the birth.
I now cannot understand what we were thinking - DS is great. Boys seem to be more easy going and I would second what everyone says about them being loving and cuddly.

I would be willing to bet that once that baby arrives you won't care in the slightest what gender they are.

Best of luck with it all.